What a bunch of Johnny-Come-Latelys you guys are! People are lining up at my door to learn Unijutsu—the Everything MA! No matter what you want, we got it! High kicks, low kicks, 360s, 720s, groundfighting, elbow strikes, wrist strikes, chin strikes (an underestimated secret technique only I can teach you!), shoulder strikes, hip strikes, strikes with individual ribs, strikes with the front part of knee, strikes with the back of the knee, joint locks for every joint of the body, throws—overarm, underarm, and sidearm—suplexes, duplexes, and Death-Ray vision! And that's just in the regular program!! Sign up in the Black Belt Club (ours is the only BB Club with bouncers so that anyone who doesn't belong in the club gets chucked out the door pronto!) and you'll also learn not one, but twelve different kinds of no touch knockouts: knockouts without being touched by the fist, knockouts without being touched by the elbows, knockouts without being touched by the feet,... and lots, lots more! And your first belt promotion isn't a measily orange belt: you test for first Dan in three months, guaranteed! Every belt test thereafter is for the next Dan stripe!
So let's get real about this, eh? Why are you futzing around with these measly half-assed partial systems when we can offer you every single MA technique ever practiced anywhere in one single system! I mean, if you're going to do something, do it right, eh?
