Jesus was a vampire?

[Deuce]

I see where this guy is coming from. Don't tell anybody, but I'm a werewolf. I'm hairy as hell and have to shave every day to conceal my identity. I'm not like the traditional folklore werewolves though. The whole thing about only turning during a full moon is BS. And werewolfs don't howl at the moon! I howl at random strangers who pass by me in the street. I just can't fight the raw instinct that burns deep within my hairy chest. And I don't bite people....hard. I first knew that I was a wolf-man when I had my first rare steak. Oh, it was so juicy and good! I figured the only way I could like nearly-raw meat was to be a werewolf. My teeth aren't sharp and pointy though. I think that's because I used to chew rocks when I was a child, and must have worm them down. I do however, have the uncanny urge to stiff people's butts. So, clearly I'm a werewolf and not crazy. Right? You guys have to believe me. Me and my dogs deserve respect!

 

[Flatlander]

I do however, have the uncanny urge to stiff people's butts.

Bit of a Freudian slip here, eh? :rofl:

 

[shane23ss]

Bit of a Freudian slip here, eh? :rofl:

Yeah, "stiff" and "sniff" have two completely different meanings here. I believe I would have made sure not to make that mistake. LOL!

 

[Deuce]

Well, what can I say. I'm idiot. I couldn't have picked a more inappropriate time for a typo. I never even noticed the error until FL pointed it out, then I laughed like the true idiot I am. Just for the record, I wasn't serious about "sniffing" or "stiffing" other people's butts.

 

[Cruentus]

Bit of a Freudian slip here, eh? :rofl:

NICE! :lol:

 

[Kreth]

It seems the only thing neccesary, according to this guy, to be a vampire is that you get tired if you don't somehow get "life force" from some bodily fluid or something. Didn't he say that he doesn't drink blood?

What the hell is the point of being a vampire if you don't drink blood and don't have any powers?

More to the point, what bodily fluid is he "drawing life force" from if he doesn't drink blood?

Jeff

 

[rmcrobertson]

You think that's Freudian? How about trains, tunnels and bodily fluids?

Not since the end of Hitchcock's (heh-heh...he said...melanie griffith) "North by Northwest..."

Jesus, as St. Kristofferson points out, was a Capricorn. I just hope he ate better than Karen Carpenter.

 

[47MartialMan]

I'm a "Authentic Shaolin Monk" that wants to become a "Authentic Shaolin Monk Vampire". It is almost a dilema like a Jew that wants a free ham sandwich.

 

[47MartialMan]

gee-no offense, I am part jew.......

 

[shesulsa]

You're slowing down, MartialMan, what's up? You've been green for a few hours now. I thought for sure you'd be black by nightfall.

 

[47MartialMan]

You're slowing down, MartialMan, what's up? You've been green for a few hours now. I thought for sure you'd be black by nightfall.

lol.... I have to eat, use the restroom, etc., Came in from cutting the lawn......

 

[Kreth]

lol.... I have to eat, use the restroom, etc., Came in from cutting the lawn......

Slacker. IV, catheter, colostomy bag, and you're all set for uninterrupted browsing. And why cut the grass, it will only grow again...

Jeff

 

[47MartialMan]

Yeah, my posting this past weekend was higher than the norm. It was like (analogy) a machine gun. I loaded a magazine, checked the weapon. And commenced firing. Not stopping for distractions such as someone tapping on the shoulder. After the magazine was emptied, the smoke had cleared, was the time to observe.

Or maybe and need more experince on forum posting.

Or maybe I have a perosnal problem as to how to read/write/post.

Or maybe I needed a way to vent from a serious tradegy and this was one way to do so?

Yeah, why cut the grass cause it will grow back is the same as why post when some may think that it may not be a contribution?

Or why put petro in the auto when in will be in need again?

I was a vamp.

 

[Kreth]

Yeah, my posting this past weekend was higher than the norm. It was like (analogy) a machine gun. I loaded a magazine, checked the weapon. And commenced firing. Not stopping for distractions such as someone tapping on the shoulder. After the magazine was emptied, the smoke had cleared, was the time to observe.

Good analogy.

Or maybe and need more experince on forum posting.

Sounds like you're getting some...

Or maybe I needed a way to vent from a serious tradegy and this was one way to do so?

If so, I apologize. I was just having some fun with you...

I was a vamp.

I was a newt once, but then I got better...

Jeff

 

[47MartialMan]

Good analogy.

Sounds like you're getting some...

If so, I apologize. I was just having some fun with you...

I was a newt once, but then I got better...

Jeff

No apology needed. I knew you were funnin. I mean a vamp and not vampire
(Hmmn...must make a note to look up on the eytomology of the word Vamp vs Vampire)

If I am a post whore-I wanna get paid

 

[47MartialMan]

I'm a "Authentic Shaolin Monk" that wants to become a "Authentic Shaolin Monk Vampire". It is almost a dilema like a Jew that wants a free ham sandwich.

To those whom may have been offended-

I humbly apologize.

 

[Phil Elmore]

My vampire finally wrote me back!

Pretending? That's what they invented a day classified as "Halloween" for. I choose to live completely in a world of reality, although generally everyone does have some sort of their own fantasy. The topic of Vampires is a really interesting one, if you wish to learn the truth about the nature.

Yes, I have some shortcomings in life, but no I don't blame them all on Vampirism. We all have things that stem from childhood or other experiences in life, but that is regardless of what I am. What I wear, how I dress, how I talk, does not make me a vampire. I don't try to be or claim to be anyone I'm not.

>>>About now you're thinking, "Wow, this is a strange e-mail, with all this talk of Elvises. Or is it Elvii? What is the plural of Elvis, anyway?"<<< Now I'd say we're getting a bit obsessed with that of folklore vampire lifestylers. I don't even use those plural methods, nor do I pretend to speak in an Olde English accent.

I wish to have an intelligent discussion about Vampires, but ask yourself, do you honestly think I would try to explain in-depth as I have if I were pretending? I am trying to defend our very nature, and views from society, because there is a lot of bad rumor and language (besides the folklore) that exists around the idea of Vampires.
It is the violence, slaying and hunting of Vampires and Witches that, most of us are very well aware of, which we are against. As I've said it has been the very reason I chose to contact you in reference to this. Vampires are Human Beings.

The difference between you and me is that I choose to use realistic analogies, whereas you choose to use hypothetical, impractical and quite frankly (silly) analogies in your descriptions.

>>>For you to have a reasoned argument with me, you would first have to live on this planet along with all the other Earthlings.<<< Well, afterall this is Planet Earth, and I am not using any means of Satellite to get ahold of you. I'm from within the United States.

Most Psychologists, Psychiatrists, and Phlebotomists are aware of the reality that Vampires do exist. It is a reality that is inescapeable, although the population is very small.

I wrote back this:

Are you still here? I thought you gave up.

Dude, you don't "choose to live completely in a world of reality." You're living on this bizarre little planet where you're a vampire. I don't care how often you call yourself grounded -- you've got as much credibility as Michael Jackson calling himself "heterosexual." He thinks there's nothing unreal about the world in which he lives, too.

Now, nobody's denying that vampires are interesting. That's what makes them the subject of countless books and movies -- not to mention the juveniles fantasies of would-be Nosferatu who like to run around telling the world what tragic, romantic figures they are. I have a hot tip for you, man -- the Vampire Lestat wouldn't use AOL, and you shouldn't either.

You're absolutely right that what you wear, how you dress, how you talk, don't make you a vampire. That's because NOTHING DOES. You're not a vampire. You never were. You never will be.

We can't have an "intelligent discussion" about vampires as long as you honestly try to tell me that you're one of them. If you'd written to me telling me you were toaster, or a tuna fish sandwich, or a shoe tree, or a unicorn, or an old soul who was a dragon in a previous life but is now a forty-year-old virgin who works at a video store, we wouldn't be able to have an "intelligent discussion" about any of THOSE things, either. That's because none of them is real and there's no "intelligent discussion" to be had.

Here's another hot top: nobody's looking to hunt and/or slay you. There is no man in a big floppy hat and overcoat chasing you around with a pneumatic crossbow that shoots silver stakes. Wesley Snipes is more concerned with the death of his career than with your demise. There is no historical politically correct tragedy of persecution where vampires are concerned, because there are no vampires.

The difference between you and me is that you believe things that are imaginary can be used to draw "realistic analogies."

Most psychologists, psychiatrists, and phlebotomists are entirely aware that vampires DON'T exist. Most of the former would put you away or keep you on the couch until they'd put their kids through college. Most of the latter are too busy telling me I have hairy arms and hard-to-find veins to be too worried about whatever bizarre little world you inhabit.

You are a not a vampire.

 

[ginshun]

Vampires are Human Beings.

Every letter this guy writes confuses me a little bit more. Exactly what is the difference between us normal folk and a vampire again?

 

[MarioBro]

Every letter this guy writes confuses me a little bit more. Exactly what is the difference between us normal folk and a vampire again?

Sanity...

 

[Deuce]

Sanity...

LOL....good one!:rofl: