Fighting to gain respect.

[Kickboxer101]

What, set themselves on fire?

This has nothing to do with being a martial artist and all to do with being a decent human being.

Now I don't agree with tex about everything but I do agree on this people simply shouldn't be going round fighting family members training or no training

 

[Ironbear24]

What, set themselves on fire?

This has nothing to do with being a martial artist and all to do with being a decent human being.

You just took the most extreme example.

 

[mograph]

While I agree with most of what you said, I would actually consider this the worst case scenario. It can lead to things that are too deep, and if you don't know how to redirect it to a therapist, they will get overly attached to you. When they discover that you're their friend/coworker/nephew/etc. and not their therapist, **** goes down and not in a fun way.

You know ... you're right. If he went down that road, it would be hard to know how to turn back. While I don't think that the relationship would be likely to turn into one of transference (given that I think their established non-therapeutic family relationship would largely influence Uncle's reaction), there's a chance it could get weird. So yes, that would be bad.

 

[Tez3]

You just took the most extreme example.

True but beating up relatives is also somewhat extreme, no?

 

[Hanzou]

True but beating up relatives is also somewhat extreme, no?

Throwing someone to the ground and pinning them down isn't "beating them up".

 

[Kickboxer101]

Throwing someone to the ground and pinning them down isn't "beating them up".

You do that to someone and do it to them on the street that's considered assault

 

[Tez3]

with tex

Tez.

 

[Ironbear24]

I understand it wasn't many of your ideal ways to deal with it but let's look at what happened. Here.

Hey uncle want to have a Judo match?

"Judo is for pussies let's wrestle."

"They are pretty much the same thing but ok sure."

He tries to push me by the shoulders then I pull on his shirt and get him with a hip throw. He hits the ground and I pin him. He said "holy ****". I helped him up and then he said something like " of course you won, you have no life and spend all your time at the gym."

I simply said thank you. In my head I'm thinking damn would you kill you to be a good sport and say good job? The rest of the day he wasnt angry or anything but later in the day he said he is going to take some bjj to kick my ***. I overhead and said I look forward to it and we all laughed about it.

There was no bloody noses or broken bones or black eyes or anything. In all honesty I thought I was going to lose, if I did I would have been disappointed but it wouldn't be the end of the world or something, I would think about what I did wrong and what I could have done better.

In all honesty I performed sloppy and used my strength to compensate for poor technique. Grappling is not my strong suit so I figured I would lose but at least I would learn from it.

 

[Ironbear24]

You do that to someone and do it to them on the street that's considered assault

Would you rather be punched and kicked or tossed to the ground and pinned until you are too tired to fight?

 

[Tez3]

The bit you did most wrong was posting it with 'fighting to gain respect'. Why post, it's a family matter? The problems going on aren't going to be sorted in one Judo/stroke wrestling match, this uncle has what is these days called 'issues'. You may have in the long term made things worst, he could now stew about it, making it into a big issue then come up with something to beat you with, perhaps a weapon because you called him out. You may think you gain respect but he will have taken a blow to his pride, not a good thing in someone who has problems, (it's not that good in those without problems,) no one likes their pride damaged. Situations like this are very difficult to solve, it's not simply a case of peers grappling around and having a drink afterwards though you may think it is. I can't offer you an answer, I can just see that what you've done doesn't solve anything in the long run. Professional help is needed for him.

 

[Ironbear24]

What should he be upset about though? Let's think about it. He lost to me, became why? Becuase I practice literally 4-5 days a week for around 3-4 hours. He doesn't do that, he works 9 hour shifts 5 days a week, some weeks he works less depending on what needs to be done, and in his feet time watches sports on television and cooks food.

I am sure if he did what I do he would beat me. I think he understands that too because the comment he made about going to start taking jiu jitsu.

 

[Kickboxer101]

The bit you did most wrong was posting it with 'fighting to gain respect'. Why post, it's a family matter? The problems going on aren't going to be sorted in one Judo/stroke wrestling match, this uncle has what is these days called 'issues'. You may have in the long term made things worst, he could now stew about it, making it into a big issue then come up with something to beat you with, perhaps a weapon because you called him out. You may think you gain respect but he will have taken a blow to his pride, not a good thing in someone who has problems, (it's not that good in those without problems,) no one likes their pride damaged. Situations like this are very difficult to solve, it's not simply a case of peers grappling around and having a drink afterwards though you may think it is. I can't offer you an answer, I can just see that what you've done doesn't solve anything in the long run. Professional help is needed for him.

Yeah fighting never solves anything when it involves people who know each other if it's a random punk attacking you then fine put them down that's it you'll never see them again most likely but when it's family or friends getting physical over an argument beating them won't solve it. It's not a movie where you win the fight the onlookers cheer and applaud you get the girl and your enemy comes up and bows to you and says "you're alright larusso" nah it doesn't work that way. In reality johnny would've been after Daniel the next day at school to kick his *** even worse. (P.s sorry for the karate kid references but best movie I could think of that explains it lol)

 

[Tez3]

So I got some family visiting for fathers day and my uncle made a very rude comment about me. We have had an ongoing case of bad blood with eachother since I was 13. Contemplating going up to him and socking him in the face, following it up with some more as well.

Maybe that would get me some damn respect, sick of being everyone's damn urinal.[/QUOTE]

I did it. I judo'd the **** of him. Now he is mad but whatever I won.

The dude isn't known for being smart. he is the kind of guy that hits his kids, talks down to just about everyone and has the largest theoretical balls in the universe.

He thinks he is the toughest sob around when he doesnt even train. He doesn't even lift either.

Yes he drinks.

The dudes an *******. That's why I have no problem hitting him, lucky for him I just "guided" him to the ground.

They were entertained. No one was offended aside from him. I'm sorry you cannot respect me but I felt like this needed to be done.

What should he be upset about though? Let's think about it. He lost to me, became why? Becuase I practice literally 4-5 days a week for around 3-4 hours. He doesn't do that, he works 9 hour shifts 5 days a week, some weeks he works less depending on what needs to be done, and in his feet time watches sports on television and cooks food.

I am sure if he did what I do he would beat me. I think he understands that too because the comment he made about going to start taking jiu jitsu.

I do think you really need to sit and think about all of this, I'm sure the uncle is a pain but how much are you emulating him? Also putting him down because he works while you train is wrong of you. Perhaps he'd like to train too but like most people he has to work, maybe that's a reason to resent you. Perhaps though you are giving him reasons to

 

[Ironbear24]

I do think you really need to sit and think about all of this, I'm sure the uncle is a pain but how much are you emulating him? Also putting him down because he works while you train is wrong of you. Perhaps he'd like to train too but like most people he has to work, maybe that's a reason to resent you. Perhaps though you are giving him reasons to

I didn't mean that as a put down. That is his responsibility as a father for his family and where much of his time goes too. I'm just saying that is what he does. I am not emulating him, I wrestled a grown adult who consented to it while he strikes children out of frustration.

This is one of the reasons why his oldest children don't really get along with him. It would be different if I just tackled him and started wailing on him but that is not what happened at all.

 

[Kenpoguy123]

Cool so you a trained young martial artist put a drunk middle aged guy with no training on his butt you must be proud that'll be something to tell the grandkids.

Look the first post I saw of yours on this site was you all upset about getting in a fight but honestly from what I've read from you you seem like someone who does seem to enjoy it. It doesn't matter if you call them spars or fights if it's not in the club with the instructor watching it's a fight and from your other posts you've said when people say karate sucks you say something back and then a fight starts. You seem to think fighting will prove yourself but it doesn't work like that honestly no one cares who you can beat up. The only record street fighters have are at the police station. Fighting doesn't impress people or at least the right type of people and if people only like you because of a fight or how much you can lift then they're not real friends and don't actually give a damm about you. I doubt your family were that impressed with what you did they were probably a bit embarrassed about it I know if I had a family and 2 guys started fighting or grappling or sparring or whatever you want to call it I'd feel uncomfortable with it

 

[Kickboxer101]

I didn't mean that as a put down. That is his responsibility as a father for his family and where much of his time goes too. I'm just saying that is what he does. I am not emulating him, I wrestled a grown adult who consented to it while he strikes children out of frustration.

This is one of the reasons why his oldest children don't really get along with him. It would be different if I just tackled him and started wailing on him but that is not what happened at all.

But according to your original post that's exactly what you were planning on doing to him before the grappling suggestion was made

Contemplating going up to him and socking him in the face, following it up with some more as well.

Maybe that would get me some damn respect, sick of being everyone's damn urinal.

 

[Tez3]

You may have 'only' thrown him down but it's not what you wanted to do, you wanted to beat him up. Your comment quoted both by me and Kickboxer says you are sick of being everyone's urinal....so, what is going on that you aren't telling us? There's far more to this than a stupid uncle isn't there?

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

But according to your original post that's exactly what you were planning on doing to him before the grappling suggestion was made

Which is why he posted on here. Either you or Tez were complaining he posted on here, but he did that to get advice, and got the advice to not knock out his uncle and he followed it. Was it the absolute best thing to do? Who knows. We aren't part of the family, we have no idea what would have happened if he dealt with his emotions a different way. Was it better than knocking his uncle out? Most likely. Were there any negative ramifications? It doesn't really seem so, his uncle dealt with it, ironbear felt better and was able to go the rest of the day without the anger. In my family, there would have been issues if I handled it that way, and I assume in yours as well. But without knowing his family situation, how they settle things, or how they react to different things, we can't really judge if he did something bad with his family or not, so there's no point in criticizing without fully understanding.

 

[Ironbear24]

You may have 'only' thrown him down but it's not what you wanted to do, you wanted to beat him up. Your comment quoted both by me and Kickboxer says you are sick of being everyone's urinal....so, what is going on that you aren't telling us? There's far more to this than a stupid uncle isn't there?

Before hanzou gave me a better alternative yeah. We have fought before but someone always broke us up, and forced us to calm down and apologize to eachother, either his son or one of my other cousins. This was a much better alternative to pounding eachothers faces.

 

[Ironbear24]

As for the problems, I don't know what you mean. Me and him have always had an akward relationship ever since he kicked my dog. Since then there is normally tension and everyone else knows it.