corny joke time

[elder999]

what do dogs and rabbits have in common ?

they both inhabit a kennel............

(i'll exit stage left i think...........donna's left the room............. )

They're both delicious!!!

 

[Touch Of Death]

So a liar, thief, beggar, philanderer, rapist, and a minister of the lord walks into a bar. And that was just the first guy.

 

[Touch Of Death]

So these two cows are talking and one says to the other, "Aren't you afraid of getting that Mad Cow disease?"
The other cow replied, "No, why should I be? I am a chicken"

 

[elder999]

What is the simplest way to observe the optical Doppler effect?

Go out at and look at cars. The lights of the ones approaching you are white, while the lights of the ones moving away from you are red.

A Higgs Boson particle walks into a church, but the preacher says "Get out of here, you are a disgrace; you call yourself the ‘God particle' when there is only one true God!" The Higgs Boson replies "Well if I am not here, how can you have mass?"

A Princeton plasma physicist is at the beach when he discovers an ancient looking oil lantern sticking out of the sand. He rubs the sand off with a towel and a genie pops out. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The physicist retrieves a map of the world from his car an circles the Middle East and tells the genie, 'I wish you to bring peace in this region'. After 10 long minutes of deliberation, the genie replies, 'Gee, there are lots of problems there with Lebanon, Iraq, Israel, and all those other places. This is awfully embarrassing. I've never had to do this before, but I'm just going to have to ask you for another wish. This one is just too much for me'. Taken aback, the physicist thinks a bit and asks, 'I wish that the Princeton tokamak would achieve scientific fusion energy break-even.' After another deliberation the genie asks, 'Could I see that map again?'

 

[Touch Of Death]

Some older women are simply hot cougars, but some older women are just Mellencamp.

 

[Touch Of Death]

What did the potato chip say to the battery? ... I'm Frito-Lay if you are Ever-Ready.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Russia was supposed to vacate East Berlin after the 2nd world war but they were Stalin.

 

[Touch Of Death]

What is the simplest way to observe the optical Doppler effect?

Go out at and look at cars. The lights of the ones approaching you are white, while the lights of the ones moving away from you are red.

A Higgs Boson particle walks into a church, but the preacher says "Get out of here, you are a disgrace; you call yourself the ‘God particle' when there is only one true God!" The Higgs Boson replies "Well if I am not here, how can you have mass?"

A Princeton plasma physicist is at the beach when he discovers an ancient looking oil lantern sticking out of the sand. He rubs the sand off with a towel and a genie pops out. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The physicist retrieves a map of the world from his car an circles the Middle East and tells the genie, 'I wish you to bring peace in this region'. After 10 long minutes of deliberation, the genie replies, 'Gee, there are lots of problems there with Lebanon, Iraq, Israel, and all those other places. This is awfully embarrassing. I've never had to do this before, but I'm just going to have to ask you for another wish. This one is just too much for me'. Taken aback, the physicist thinks a bit and asks, 'I wish that the Princeton tokamak would achieve scientific fusion energy break-even.' After another deliberation the genie asks, 'Could I see that map again?'

So a bum finds a lamp on the beach in California, he rubs it and a Genie offers him just one wish. The bum says I would like you to build a highway to Hawaii. The Genie explains that that is a mighty tall order, and maybe he could choose something more personal. "I want you to make me understand women!" exclaimed the bum. "Now is that a one lane or two way highway?" asked the Genie.

 

[Touch Of Death]

So a group of women asked some Indians at a bus stop. "What tribe are you?"
"We are Navajo" the Indians said proudly, "What tribe are you?"
The women thought for a minute, and answered back, "We are Dallas hoes!"

 

[donald1]

A lady buys two parrots and they talk but all they say is "were hoes" the lady talks to a priest to explain the situation and he doesn't like what he hears. But he talks about his parrots they are devout birds they can teach the other parrots to praise the Lord, so the next day she brings her parrots to the priests house and her parrots still say "were hoes". One of the devout parrots looks at the other next to him and says put down the Bible our prayers have been answered

 

[Touch Of Death]

A man runs into a dry cleaners and says to the lady behind the counter, "I have a meeting today! I need this suit dry cleaned lickety split! The woman became insensed, and said, "You can come back in one hour, but you NO LICKETY SPLIT!"

 

[Touch Of Death]

So a man visits a cannibal restaurant, and asks the chef, "Why are the clowns so cheap, and why are hippies the most expensive thing on the menu? "Well" said the chef, "Everyone agrees the clowns taste kind of funny, and hippies... Have you ever tried to clean one of those things"

 

[Touch Of Death]

A Therapists asks and old couple if the have ever had mutual orgasms. They both looked at each other and said, "No... we had StateFarm."

 

[donald1]

I remember seeing this on Facebook husband comes home from a long day of work and sees his wife

Husband: since I'm the man of the house while I'm at work you can cook dinner and I come home to dinner, after you can run me a bath and tomorrow can you guess who will dress me?
Wife: the funeral director

What Is a snakes favorite class, hissstory

I went to a new dentist nut he refers to all his clients as plaintiffs

I also went to the dollar store and bought a dollar candy bar the man said if I pay two dollars i get the second candy bar half price, obviously I bought two who would pass that good of a deal up.

 

[Steve]

What's the difference between a Canadian and a canoe?

A canoe tips.



What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?

Felipe Felope

 

[donald1]

Have you ever seen a goat get on a bus? They always sit in the baaaaack

Horses live next door, I call them naybors

Did you see that chicken walk it the store, it was carrying ten boks

 

[Buka]

should've been right handed dog shows you don't train pugulism

The only right handed fighter I know who boxed southpaw was Hagler. I never saw his dog box, though.

 

[OnlyAnEgg]

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
HIPAA!
HIPAA who?
I can't tell you that.

 

[OnlyAnEgg]

A ham and cheese sandwich goes into a bar and says, 'Gimme a whiskey and soda'.
The bartender says, 'I'm sorry, sir. We don't serve food here'.

 

[terryl965]

well this is an interesting thread