corny joke time

[elder999]

sorry but you lost me with this one

Oct.(al)31=Dec.(imal) 25

3X(8)+1=25

 

[elder999]

What does the 'B' in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?

Benoit B Mandelbrot.

 

[elder999]

A psychoanalyst shows a patient an inkblot, and asks him what he sees. The patient says: "A man and woman making love." The psychoanalyst shows him a second inkblot, and the patient says: "That's also a man and woman making love." The psychoanalyst says: "You are obsessed with sex." The patient says: "What do you mean I am obsessed? You are the one with all the dirty pictures.''

 

[elder999]

What do scientists say when they go to the bar? Climate change scientists say: "Where's the ice?" Seismologists might ask for their drinks to be "shaken and not stirred". Microbiologists request just a small one. Neuroscientists ask for their drinks "to be spiked". Scientists studying the defective gubernaculum say: "Put mine in a highball", and finally, social scientists say: "I'd like something soft." When paying at the bar, geneticists say: "I think I have some change in my jeans." And at the end of the evening a shy benzene biochemist might say to his companion: "Please give me a ring."

 

[donald1]

I'm not good with cars honestly don't know how to tell if a car is good or bad so I usually get a test drive and drive the car ten miles with the emergency break not quite sure how much it says for the car or its emergency break but sure does give some weird car smell

My neighbor works at an auto shop selling car parts and i asked if I could look at the car parts. Later that day some guy in a Kia drives up and asks for a new gas cap and you know what... That sounds like a fair trade

im tough, I'm so tough i break my hands with boards

 

[donald1]

At the rec center three people tried to break in steal things and would hurt anyone who got in the way but they choose the wrong rec center... The first person went into an art room, second into a tai chi club and the third in a gun club

When the police arrive he say a thief on the ground and asked what happened, the artist said he defined himself with a wooden canvas and a paintbrush, the police saw another guy on the ground in the Tai chi room and asked what happened, the man said he used his tai chi sword and techniques he learned in class, then another person in the gun club and asked the member what happened. And the member said, what do you think?

 

[donnaTKD]

dog and cat went into a kennel..............

................and a lot of little woofmeow's came............

 

[AdamGrose]

Hmmmm... are you stalking me?

Yak Sao wrote:

Originally Posted by donald1
Hmmm corny jokes... I don't know where to starch





well, you can start by shucking that one​

 

[Buka]

Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it sucks to run in squares.

What do you call a left handed dog?
A south paw.

 

[donnaTKD]

What do you call a left handed dog?
A south paw.

should've been right handed dog shows you don't train pugulism

 

[elder999]

should've been right handed dog shows you don't train pugulism

Is that pugilism?

I'd have thought the joke would work better with a boxer than a pug, but whatever......:lfao:

 

[elder999]

All the physicists are playing hide and seek. Einstein is the ‘den’ and stands against the wall with his eyes closed and counts till 100 to enable all the physicists to run and hide. At the count of 100 Einstein turns around and finds Newton standing there.He screams, “Newton, you are out!”
Newton says, “No, I ‘m not!”
Einstein says, “Yes, you are. I can see you here in front of me”.
Newton says, “I’m not out. Pascal is.”
Einstein is a bit confused and starts to scratch his head and beard.
Newton says “Here, Let me explain”
He draws a square one meter by one meter on the floor and stands in the middle of it and says,
“One Newton per meter square is a Pascal, so it’s Pascal who’s out not me!”​

 

[elder999]

Physics professor has been doing an experiment, and has worked out an empirical equation that seems to explain his data. He asks the math professor to look at it. A week later, the math professor says the equation is invalid. By then, the physics professor has used his equation to predict the results of further experiments, and he is getting excellent results, so he asks the math professor to look again. Another week goes by, and they meet once more. The math professor tells the physics professor the equation does work, "But only in the TRIVIAL case where the numbers are real and positive."

Q: What's the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic?
A: The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door.

 

[donald1]

Hmmmm... are you stalking me?

Yak Sao wrote:

Originally Posted by donald1
Hmmm corny jokes... I don't know where to starch





well, you can start by shucking that one​

Corn? None that I can think of right now but

I think I could whorl around another, what do sword and corn have in common? They both have a sheath. I think I'm going to leaf it off there

 

[donnaTKD]

what do dogs and rabbits have in common ?

they both inhabit a kennel............

(i'll exit stage left i think...........donna's left the room............. )

 

[Buka]

Question - What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?

Answer - Screwed

 

[donnaTKD]

Question - What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?

Answer - Screwed

what's with all the big words and physics style loading of sentences ?

 

[Transk53]

Question - What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?

Answer - Screwed

The Big Bang Theory

 

[donald1]

Why can't bees drive cars, because they always drive with a buzz

What is a dogs favorite part of the tree, the bark

I just bought a new pet cat today! It's purrfect

 

[Touch Of Death]

What do you call an addict that doesn't share the needle?

A health nut.