Chuck Norris Humor

[Instructor]

Allow me to preface that I am a Chuck Norris fan. He's a good man and has become a media icon. I am not entirely sure how he feels about the fun Chuck Norris 'facts' that have gone viral but I LOVE EM!

So this thread...lets see who can put the last and best Chuck Norris 'fact'. They need not be original but should all be awesome.

I will start:

"Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups he presses the Earth down."

 

[Dirty Dog]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.

Unfortunately, Chuck Norris never cries.



Chuck Norris doesn't need a watch. It's whatever time he says it is.

 

[Steve]

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but they had to change it because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

 

[Instructor]

Chuck Norris ordered a Big
Mac at Burger King, and got one.

 

[Dirty Dog]

The boogie man looks under his bed to see if Chuck Norris is there...

 

[Carol]

Pluto was a planet before Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it in to submission!

 

[Instructor]

There is no such thing as
tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

 

[Dirty Dog]

Tornadoes are just Chuck Norris doing several spinning kicks.


Chuck Norris is allowed TWO carryon bags.

 

[Instructor]

Chuck Norris is allowed TWO carryon bags.

Great now there is coffee all over my keyboard.

Although it is not common
knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark
side, and Chuck Norris.

 

[rlobrecht]

There's no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard, only another fist.


They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mt. Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough.

 

[Gnarlie]

When you Google him, this used to be result 1:

http://www.nochucknorris.com/

Gnarlie

 

[Carol]

Chuck Norris can speak Braille!

 

[arnisador]

When Chuck Norris wants a steak, cows volunteer. It's just easier that way.

(I told this in calculus the other day.)

 

[Carol]

The grim reaper once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience

 

[billc]

Darth Vader wears Chuck Norris pajamas...

 

[jezr74]

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands, now they are just called the islands.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

 

[Kong Soo Do]

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...twice.

 

[ks - learning to fly]

Chuck Norris wanted to sleep in last Saturday and the sun went back down...

 

[arnisador]

The Cuban Missile Crisis ended when President Kennedy threatened to use Chuck Norris.

 

[jks9199]

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a king cobra. After five agonizing days of horrible pain and suffering... the snake died.