Being tactful and using magic words

Gnarlie

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People often comment on my name because it is clearly not German, and is similar to that of a well known alcoholic beverage. Which is fine, it gives us something to talk about. I've become an expert in manipulating small talk away from that topic to any other that you might care to name. I like that it gives me a practiced starting point.
 
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PhotonGuy

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There is nothing wrong to say whats on your mind if you do it the right way such as using magic words such as please and thank you, they're called magic words for a reason.
 

Tez3

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There is nothing wrong to say whats on your mind if you do it the right way such as using magic words such as please and thank you, they're called magic words for a reason.

Who calls them magic words? they should be everyday words.
 

Carol

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Who calls them magic words? they should be everyday words.

Its pre-school talk. A young child might ask for or receive something without saying please or thank you -- example, "May I go outside?" A parent may tell the child to "use the magic words" as a gentle reminder and the child would be expected to restate their request "May I go outside, please?"

Handy nudge for the little ones but certainly not something that would be part of adult conversation.
 
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PhotonGuy

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Its pre-school talk. A young child might ask for or receive something without saying please or thank you -- example, "May I go outside?" A parent may tell the child to "use the magic words" as a gentle reminder and the child would be expected to restate their request "May I go outside, please?"

Handy nudge for the little ones but certainly not something that would be part of adult conversation.

Calling them magic words might not be something for adult conversation but using words such as please and thank you should be included in adult conversation. Please and thank you definitely are adult words that should be taught at a young age, as soon as a child can talk but they shouldn't stop using them in adulthood either.
 

jezr74

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Calling them magic words might not be something for adult conversation but using words such as please and thank you should be included in adult conversation. Please and thank you definitely are adult words that should be taught at a young age, as soon as a child can talk but they shouldn't stop using them in adulthood either.

Keep in mind it's a cultural thing. In some cultures and countries it's not required or expected. I think professionally as well it has it's time and place.
 

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There is nothing wrong to say whats on your mind if you do it the right way such as using magic words such as please and thank you, they're called magic words for a reason.

If you're 4 years old, then they might be called that. I'm pretty sure we don't have any members that young.
 

Tez3

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When I lived in Aberdeen we had lots of Norwegians living, working and visiting there as it's actually quite close to Norway, they were always very polite! My friend went out with a Norwegian fisherman and we were very jealous because he was lovely.
My shift partner had spent a lot of time in Norway when he was in the army at the arctic warfare training place, he said in the local town the women used to go shopping and then put their shopping bags at the bus stop and go off and have a cup of coffee or lunch, when they'd finished they'd come back to catch their bus and the shopping was always untouched. He loved Norway and the people, his best mate married a local lass there and stayed in Norway, I've never heard any serviceman who spent time there say he didn't enjoy it. And of course I will never forget the way the people of Norway did their best to protect their Jewish citizens during the Nazi Occupation, that and their resistance fighters.
 

Cirdan

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When I lived in Aberdeen we had lots of Norwegians living, working and visiting there as it's actually quite close to Norway, they were always very polite! My friend went out with a Norwegian fisherman and we were very jealous because he was lovely.
My shift partner had spent a lot of time in Norway when he was in the army at the arctic warfare training place, he said in the local town the women used to go shopping and then put their shopping bags at the bus stop and go off and have a cup of coffee or lunch, when they'd finished they'd come back to catch their bus and the shopping was always untouched. He loved Norway and the people, his best mate married a local lass there and stayed in Norway, I've never heard any serviceman who spent time there say he didn't enjoy it. And of course I will never forget the way the people of Norway did their best to protect their Jewish citizens during the Nazi Occupation, that and their resistance fighters.

Thanks Tez. Yes despite our rugged viking-ness we Norwegians are actually a pretty civilized people. Most of the time anyway...

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Zero

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As a matter of fact you were right, my birthday is on December 25th, Christmas Day. And no, she did not call me any of the stuff that you mentioned. Rather she called me "Christmas baby," which I have heard before and I am quite sick of it. I am tired about people making comments about my birthday in general but I especially am tired of being called "Christmas baby." Sometimes people get fed up with stuff like that, I once knew this girl with the name Robin and she would get really fed up and offended whenever somebody made a "Batman and Robin," joke about her name because she had been hearing it all her life. And from my experience there are some benefits to being born on Christmas, you do get double the presents and you celebrate Christmas and your birthday all in one day, but the downside of it is that people comment about it because you have a birthday that sticks out. If I had a birthday on an ordinary day, such as July 15 (I don't know if July 15 means anything to anybody, its just a date I came up with at random that as far as I know isn't a holiday) than people would say nothing. But since my birthday is on a major holiday, I get comments about it often when somebody needs to know my DOB for whatever reason such as if Im buying age restricted products. It gets tiring after awhile. And there is a way to let people know that you don't like what they're doing and still be polite about it, thats what being tactful is all about.

Christmas Baby? Has a nice ring to it if you ask me, in fact it sounds lovely. Seriously, I wouldn't mind being called a Christmas baby by some bird on the shop counter. How could that get you down? Even if you don't celebrate Christmas (or the equivalent in whatever culture you are from that is not on 25 Dec), what is the big downer having a DOB that makes some check-out girl happy or feel like actually engaging with you as another human being?

Why don't you go back and ask the girl out on a date and do the normal thing? Actually, scratch that. Do the girl a favour, don't go back. On a serious note, unless you are right now dying from a terminal disease or someone is trying to kill you (both which would suck and if so, sorry), life is all good and it's all gravy. So cheer up and chill out.

Also, why is shaking someone's hand "giving in to them"? Particularly if it is done as a genuine greeting or display of cordiality in or outside of a MA environment? You lost me on that one too.

There is a lot of gold in this post PhotonGuy and I am sorry to only be discovering it now.
 

Zero

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There is nothing wrong to say whats on your mind if you do it the right way such as using magic words such as please and thank you, they're called magic words for a reason.
Sometimes even saying what is on your mind and while employing those said magic words can still be wrong depending on the context.

A well-adjusted social barometer is probably going to be of more value to you than rattling off whatever is on your mind and peppering it with Ps&Qs, such as "terribly sorry but could you please kindly get rid of that abomination on the wall you have slaved over for six months and that you call art, it looks more like some feline emetic discharge, thank you and tatty-bye-bye".
 

Zero

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going back to it to say how you don't want any focus is really just bringing focus back to it, you know which really just says that it is something you want to bring attention to (as does this entire thread, bluntly, despite your protestations) .
Chris, while I sometimes think you have the odd wacked-out-koryu view on things, you have always struck my as quite astute. That observation right there is a gem and perhaps you have been packing in that psychology study after all.
 

Tony Dismukes

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Sometimes even saying what is on your mind and while employing those said magic words can still be wrong depending on the context.

A well-adjusted social barometer is probably going to be of more value to you than rattling off whatever is on your mind and peppering it with Ps&Qs, such as "terribly sorry but could you please kindly get rid of that abomination on the wall you have slaved over for six months and that you call art, it looks more like some feline emetic discharge, thank you and tatty-bye-bye".

Yeah, intuitively understanding other people is a lot more valuable than any list of magic words or do's and don'ts or concrete rules. This is part of what makes social interaction tricky for those who are not socially gifted and even more so for the non-neurotypical. (Thus Temple Grandin's analogy of being an anthropologist on Mars.)
 

jezr74

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When my family moved to Boston for two years, we couldn't believe how polite everyone was. (Genuine and in-genuine)

At work, my team consisted of and Aussie (me), a Brit, two Scots, an Irishman and three locals. They spent most of our meetings blushing and looking away they were so appalled with our language. Took us a while to even realize, eventually they came down to our level and learnt some new magic words.
 

Chris Parker

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Chris, while I sometimes think you have the odd wacked-out-koryu view on things, you have always struck my as quite astute. That observation right there is a gem and perhaps you have been packing in that psychology study after all.

Ha, "whacked-out Koryu view"… you do know what Koryu I train, yeah…? And who the quote is from in your signature…?

To be clear here, I have no problem with your comments, I just find them amusing… this is all said with a smile.
 

Zero

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Ha, "whacked-out Koryu view"… you do know what Koryu I train, yeah…? And who the quote is from in your signature…?

To be clear here, I have no problem with your comments, I just find them amusing… this is all said with a smile.
Hehe, all said with full respect and in gest my good man! Although sometimes we do have differing views on certain techniques but that is all good. Very much aware of the chap whose quote I am referencing but no doubt not at all to the levels you are. I checked out your website many moons back but don't recall it referencing any specific Koryu. Which one is it (although I should probably know from your somewhat leading query)? If your head teacher is Hatsumi, then that could include several as I understand it.
 

Mauthos

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I don't know what all the fuss is about, I was born on the 7/7/77 and all through my life as soon as anyone learns that I get the comments that I must be lucky, what an unusual birthday etc. Never worried about it just smile and laugh along with them, its only an observation from someone trying to be interested in you for all of 5 minutes.

Now another thing is my last name is Gladwyn-Ball, apart from being told I must be loaded as I have a double barrelled name (unfortunately I am not) it used to get shortened to Ball when I was at School. Therefore, I was known as ball-less, ballbag, dirty balls and any other iteration all through my school life, irritating, yes, but nothing to get upset or angry about. It was just one of those things that happens as kids of all ages will find someway to take the mickey out of your name if they can.

Even my career in the RAF I was commonly known as Gladis (from the Gladwyn part) to the point that when my then girlfriend phoned for me once and asked for me by my first name the phone was handed to another guy sharing my name as no one actually knew what my first name was. The point is, there is no reason in getting offended by it, people show interest all the time, mainly to be nice and generally to people they like. Normally, if they don't like the look of you appearance wise or your attitude they won't waste time mentioning anything to you at all.

Just my opinion :)
 

Tez3

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I don't know what all the fuss is about, I was born on the 7/7/77 and all through my life as soon as anyone learns that I get the comments that I must be lucky, what an unusual birthday etc. Never worried about it just smile and laugh along with them, its only an observation from someone trying to be interested in you for all of 5 minutes.

Now another thing is my last name is Gladwyn-Ball, apart from being told I must be loaded as I have a double barrelled name (unfortunately I am not) it used to get shortened to Ball when I was at School. Therefore, I was known as ball-less, ballbag, dirty balls and any other iteration all through my school life, irritating, yes, but nothing to get upset or angry about. It was just one of those things that happens as kids of all ages will find someway to take the mickey out of your name if they can.

Even my career in the RAF I was commonly known as Gladis (from the Gladwyn part) to the point that when my then girlfriend phoned for me once and asked for me by my first name the phone was handed to another guy sharing my name as no one actually knew what my first name was. The point is, there is no reason in getting offended by it, people show interest all the time, mainly to be nice and generally to people they like. Normally, if they don't like the look of you appearance wise or your attitude they won't waste time mentioning anything to you at all.

Just my opinion :)

Were you a Guin or a Rock lol?
 

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