attacking vs defending question

machv5

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Why am i terrified when i start a fight (getting loud using aggressive gestures and words) but calm and collected when I'm attacked? Question refers to separate situations.
 

drop bear

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Because while fighting you are fully present. Instead of posturing where you are focused on what might be.

Zen for thugs.

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machv5

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I don't however there are times when I've been angry and used dem der is fightin woids. I was bullied a lot as a kid and was in and out of jail a lot up until about 7yrs ago when I was treated for adhd (am 41 now) after which I stopped using and craving drugs, which I didn't expect, and as a result stopped crime and being in that lifestyle. I'm just trying to figure out why being aggressive fills me with terror but being attacked doesn't. Figured a forum related to violence (self defense is only used when violence is around) would be a place where there maybe others with similar experiences and reactions. I doubt everyone has been purely the defender and never the aggressor that visits here.
 

Paul_D

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I don't however there are times when I've been angry and used dem der is fightin woids. I was bullied a lot as a kid and was in and out of jail a lot up until about 7yrs ago when I was treated for adhd (am 41 now) after which I stopped using and craving drugs, which I didn't expect, and as a result stopped crime and being in that lifestyle. I'm just trying to figure out why being aggressive fills me with terror but being attacked doesn't. Figured a forum related to violence (self defense is only used when violence is around) would be a place where there maybe others with similar experiences and reactions. I doubt everyone has been purely the defender and never the aggressor that visits here.
Oh ok, thanks, I understand now, thanks :)
 

JowGaWolf

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Why am i terrified when i start a fight (getting loud using aggressive gestures and words) but calm and collected when I'm attacked? Question refers to separate situations.
I think it's different for everyone. I only get nervous before the first few strikes because I don't know how hard the strikes will be. I usually settle and become more focused after the first couple of punches. It would make me feel really uncomfortable if I'm the one starting the fight. If I didn't start a fight then it's a different story because now someone has greatly offended me by not giving me a way out of the fight and has made violence the only option.

If you want the Zen or spiritual answer to your question then I would say, that you feel terrified because you are doing something that you aren't supposed to be doing which is why it always feels you with terror. Getting loud and using aggressive gestures and words and not trying to avoid the fight. Maybe that feeling of terror is there to help you understand when not to fight. Martial Artists have a different look on violence, for many of use violence is something we like to do, but rarely want to use in a real fight situation. When others are angry we try to remain calm, when others want to engage we try to to disengage. When other people are trying to hurt us, we understand that we can hurt them. Other's let violence and emotion control their actions but we try to control our violence and emotions.
 

Bill Mattocks

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I don't however there are times when I've been angry and used dem der is fightin woids. I was bullied a lot as a kid and was in and out of jail a lot up until about 7yrs ago when I was treated for adhd (am 41 now) after which I stopped using and craving drugs, which I didn't expect, and as a result stopped crime and being in that lifestyle. I'm just trying to figure out why being aggressive fills me with terror but being attacked doesn't. Figured a forum related to violence (self defense is only used when violence is around) would be a place where there maybe others with similar experiences and reactions.

I would suspect that the reason is something you might well relate to. When a human being encounters a situation that engages the 'fight or flight' reflex (which all animals seem to share with humans), our bodies are pumped full of Adrenalin and most of us feel fear. This is an automatic reaction. Your mind is rapidly reviewing options and evaluating threats.

When the decision is made and the fight is on, being afraid is not helpful; the body suppresses the fear reaction and instead puts all concentration on survival, which means dealing with the fighting itself; there is no time or space for any fear. You may also be flooded with endorphins, which shut down feelings of pain and give a general sense of well-being, which is also important in survival situations. Once the fight has begun, you don't need fear, you don't need doubt, you don't need to be feeling pain, you need to be confident and you need to survive. The subconscious knows this and orders the body to produce the chemicals that control these things.

Not unlike the dragon that drug users chase.

One might take a more philosophical approach and say that 'being aggressive' is morally wrong, and your mind knows it is wrong, so it tries to signal this to you by producing feelings of fear, while defending yourself is morally neutral and the brain doesn't try to punish you.

I doubt everyone has been purely the defender and never the aggressor that visits here.

I have been the aggressor, but not for a very long time and I hope never again. One of the things that martial arts training has given me is the ability to more often choose the right path when confronted with 'dem dere fightin' words'. Doesn't mean I always will do the right thing, but I am trying my best.
 

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