Thanks a TON! That's a lot of what appears to be really useful info.
I'm very Glad you think so and I'm sorry to be off this thread so frequently. I work with abused and exploited seniors - another groups frequently ignored by everyone in 'self-protection'. But that's another (related) story.
In order to use the information I've shared, instructors here, who think they want to make changes
must start with themselves. There are no shortcuts. No tweaking or adding a few bits to an existing martial arts class.
Unwillingness to acknowledge the reality of the most frequent threats and assaults and spend some serious time, over weeks and months, learning about that reality tells me something about their willingness to go deep on this stuff. And deep is what is required by reality girls/women face. The Nassar case is a real life example that is
finally forcing people to take a painful look at that reality.
Just as we have to work over time to build competency in any area (like earning a belt) we have to learn and
it takes time. And very hard, uncomfortable work. First step is facing what really happens.
when I was asked by another MA based instructor (a good hearted gentleman) " what should I do first?" I asked "how long did it take to earn you BB in your style... 2 years? 5 years? Plan on spending a year or more getting barely competent here, at the very least. Too much time and commitment?
Consider the seriousness of what you say you want to do.
My goal is to be completely comfortable with every aspect of this - there will be nothing the girls/women must face that surprises me. Nothing I will be unable to consider. Nothing will confound me about their reactions. I may not know answers, but I know resources. Together they and I can figure out what works best for them and for me. Thats' because these assaults/harrassment, threats, intrusions and attacks have happened to me too. And my mother, my friends, my cousins. This is horrible but
very familiar territory.
The first MA I was involved with was judo, taught be a Kodokan trained Japanese exchange guy working w/a very tough AFJA partner. I was only girl in a class of 12. Later I trained for a year in hard-style shuri-ryu karate and about another year in aikido. I was junior to a retired Marine who taught SD for women through a local YWCA. I was young.
And I then I walked away from exclusively MA based SD for girls and women. I knew it was enormously inadequate. By this time I had been working with SA/DV survivors and I had listened to the experiences of my mother, my friends, neighbors. I had to ask myself hard questions about their situations and what MA could offer them, yes a little, but not nearly enough.
I finally looked at my own experience and respected it. . I thought hard about how and when and by whom I had been scared, threatened, intimidated, harrassed, assaulted. MA skills were almost irrelevant to my real life.
MA gave me some wonderful tools,, but not the ones I needed very often.
I needed so much more. So I invented it - working with other women/girls. We all invented what we needed. I'll always be grateful for MA training. But it only gave me confidence about doing some techniques.
I needed confidence in the
right to set boundaries and and the skills enforce them, even with people "inside the circle" MA couldn't and wouldn't do anything about the social reality and framework I lived inside, because my life was invisible to almost all the men in MA. It still is, though that is slowIy, slowly changing. And there is more resistance and difficulty than i could handle on a regular basis.
I had to stick up for myself and what I knew I was really facing. I still do.
But that's another story.
w/respect A
