What I don't want for Christmas

[Gordon Nore]

Bad holiday music, specifically, Jingle Bell Rock. When I hear that loathsome song, to paraphrase Lewis Black, I wanna stick something in my eye because if I'm gonna hurt that bad, I wanna do it to myself. Otherwise I pretty much like the season of joy.

Anyone else with any Holiday Humbug they need to get off their chests?

 

[Carol]

Ice storms SUCK!

Hotels by the airport with bad coffee SUCK!

Santa Claus can make it around the world with 8 tiny reindeer but my 737 can't get off the ground. Bah Humbug!

Rant over.

 

[exile]

Bad holiday music, specifically, Jingle Bell Rock. When I hear that loathsome song, to paraphrase Lewis Black, I wanna stick something in my eye because if I'm gonna hurt that bad, I wanna do it to myself.

Blessings on your head for this all-too-relevant observation, Gordon. Jingle Bell Rock may well be the most loathsome piece of eighth-rate tripe we've ever been subjected to, with Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree—it hurts to even have to type the name of it!—running a fairly close second. In fact, just about any cutesy pop-music Christmas song from the early 1950s on is going to be nauseating.

And one more thing: I'm old enough to have been present at the creation of, yucggghhk, Alvin and the Chipmunks. This comes under the heading of cutesy pop-music Christmas song from the early 1950s, but I find them, and their whole disgusting franchise, particularly annoying, to the extent that I'd like to personally feed every last one of the goddam Chipmunks to one of the creatures from Alien(s).

I think that pretty much says it all....

 

[newGuy12]

Hahaha!!!!

Those poor chipmunks! Those cute little furry high pitched chipmunks!

Hahahahahaa!!!!!

I try to not get hyped up by all of this Christmas goings on. It has been poisoned by marketing people. We all end up getting soaked for money in order to not appear "less than", so that we will buy a bunch of junk to give to other people and they will give to us. What nonsense.

I have that all behind me though. I have purchases a bunch of things from amazon.com and thinkgeek.com, I never had to leave the house!

It is supposed to be a simple religious holiday, a simple Mass or church service but it has been corrupted into this mess. I would rather have none of it myself.

However, the Christmas party at our TKD school was fun for the children, though it wore everyone out!

 

[grydth]

I brought a CD player into my office and played Chinese "Tai Chi" music the entire day.... which had people coming in asking what it was. I told them it was my own personal revolt against the frantic Christmas music that's been played since before Halloween in these parts. I said I no longer live life as if it were a 100 meter dash to the graveyard, and this relaxes me.

Get this - I asked each person (and not an MA'er in the batch) if I should turn it off and got a
NO! every time. Go figure.

 

[newGuy12]

Anything for a respite from that foolishness. I used to be more greatly affected by it, but now I can manage to shut it out better.

 

[RED]

The in-laws came out last year for Christmas. All the kids had a good time and we opened all our presents. I opened my gift from the in-laws and was appreciative. It was a basket of stuff I would use in the bathroom. general hygene stuff. (I don't think I smell that bad) but I smiled and said my thanks. When I put the stuff away I realised the body powder didn't have a safety seal and it was half full. They gave me a half used bottle of ball powder!! :lol: It will be a gift I will remember the rest of my life.

 

[grydth]

The in-laws came out last year for Christmas. All the kids had a good time and we opened all our presents. I opened my gift from the in-laws and was appreciative. It was a basket of stuff I would use in the bathroom. general hygene stuff. (I don't think I smell that bad) but I smiled and said my thanks. When I put the stuff away I realised the body powder didn't have a safety seal and it was half full. They gave me a half used bottle of ball powder!! :lol: It will be a gift I will remember the rest of my life.

I am hoping you served them half eaten steaks for the holiday dinner.....:lol:

 

[Lisa]

I don't want the kids home for two weeks.....:uhyeah:

Just kidding.

I can't stand Christmas carols, I can't handle all the Christmas Specials on TV, seems every single country music star has a Christmas Special these days.

 

[thardey]

And one more thing: I'm old enough to have been present at the creation of, yucggghhk, Alvin and the Chipmunks. This comes under the heading of cutesy pop-music Christmas song from the early 1950s, but I find them, and their whole disgusting franchise, particularly annoying, to the extent that I'd like to personally feed every last one of the goddam Chipmunks to one of the creatures from Alien(s).

I think that pretty much says it all....

Here ya go! Chipmunks roasting on an open fire

(warning: the link did weird things to firefox.)

Chipmunks Roasting On an Open Fire
(Parody of The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire) by Nat King Cole)
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Hot sauce dripping from their toes
(“Oh! That tickles!”)
Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir
They poked hot skewers through their nose
(“Ow! Wrong end, ya cowboy!”)
Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove
Help to make them seasoned right
Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat
Will really hit the spot tonight
And now when Santa sees his tray
(“Ho ho ho ho ho ho”)
There’ll be some homemade chipmunk jerky for his sleigh
(“Mmmm…Hey, look at that!”)
And every hungry child is gonna spy
To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry
And so I’m brushing on some honey glaze
To keep them crisp and juicy too
Let’s hope they get served many times many ways
Tasty Chipmunks, good food
“On that… Mr. Cole?”
“Yes, sir. Mr. Seville?”
“Would you mind handing me the barbeque sauce? I am starved!”
”Oh! No problem Dave. Hey listen, you best be havin’ two of those drumsticks, ‘cause they’re oh-so tiny and there ain’t much meat upon ‘em”
“What about animal rights, Dave?”
“Put a sock in it Melvin”
“You know, for years people said you over-rated hamsters were my meal ticket. Now I guess you could just say you’re my meal!”
“That’s a good one, Dave…I always knew you was the funny one in the group!”
“Damn straight!”
And so I'm offering some recipes
From chipmunk pie to chipmunk stew
I’m not really sad that it ended this way
Furry chipmunks screw you
“Did you hear that Melvin? Melvin? Melvin? Mellllviiiiin?"
“Why, I’m sorry Dave, did you want Melvin? There’s plenty of Thagadore left though…”

 

[Lisa]

Thardey, that is freaking priceless! :lfao:

 

[thardey]

Thardey, that is freaking priceless! :lfao:

Hang on, I've got another one for ya in a minute.

Our local stations plays that one every year.

 

[thardey]

I won't make anybody listen to this one . . .

Twisted Chipmunk Song, The​

(Parody of The Chipmunk Song by The Chipmunks)

”All right you chipmunks, ready to sing your new song?”
“I’ll say we are. Let’s get this over with.’
“Okay Squeaky?”
”Okay.”
”Okay Thagadore?”
”Okay.”
”Okay Melvin? Melvin?MEEEELLLLVVVVIIIIINNNNN!!!!!! “
”Relax old man, ******!”

Christmas chipmunks sing each year
Squeaky rodents hurt your ears
We’ll sing bad till Christmas past
Hurry Christmas pass real fast
We’re a pain to listen to
Been around since ‘62
You could hardly stand us then
Now here we come again
Ah boys excuse me
Hold it, look you guys
You can hardly stand to hear
Three weasels every year

”All right, you know that’s not how it goes boys.”
“Ah, that’s how it goes now, pops”
”Lets cool it with the ad-libbing and give it one more try.”
“I’m sorry, who’s the artist here?”
“You know you guys could all be used in shampoo testing.”
“What would you know about shampoo?
” Nice rug.”
“Oh yeah, that looks real.”
“I tell you Melvin, I got a friend in the research lab that would pay top dollar for a gerbil like you.”
“Could he get me some Viagra?”
“You want an ear growing out of your back pal?”
“You wouldn’t dare”
“Let’s shake and bake man”
“You want me to let the cat in here.”
“I’ll do it.”
“I’ve been wanting to do it for years”
“That’s impressive”
“That goes for all of ya!”
“That’s it, I’m going to fire up the barbeque”
“Oooooh
Ariva derci Melvin
You little jerk