Punishing Your TKD Kids

[CrimsonPhoenix]

We have quite a few kids in our class, and I've seen/heard of several instances of parents using no TKD as punishment. I think it's a good idea, because several of these kids absolutely love coming to class and are horrified at the thought of not being there.

One instance that really stands out is when one of the 11 yo boys made some bad grades on his report card. His parents made him walk into class (not long before it started) and tell his instructors why he wouldn't be participating that night. Needless to say, they had a nice, long talk with him about grades, and the problem was corrected very quickly.

Another boy came to class, having not finished his homework before he got there. My instructors made him sit on the side and finish his work before he could join in with the rest of the students.

 

[ShelleyK]

Ironic how this situation is mirroring my won here at home...

MY daughter has been "acting out" lately here and in class...nothing too major but our Master has had about enough of her. The last straw was 2 days ago and she walked off the mat crying...she has been doing that for 2 weeks straight for just about every class for one reason or another. So finally I had it out with her in front of several people in the girls locker room and told her that if she could not handle someone hitting her a little harder than a tap on the arm or whatever then there is NO need for her to be in TKD. I made her go back out on the mat but she kept crying so Master Moon "grounded" her, he made her sit on the mat and watch everybody else. I made her write him an apology letter...which took her about 4 tries because I didnt approve of it....and I ALMOST made sure that she would not test for her blue stripe last night!

Now Im not going to go into ALL the circumstance...only what you read above.

Master Moon took her aside in his office alone and had a talk with her, then took me aside and let me know what he told her. I then told him that he needs to do whatever he feels is necessary to keep the harmony of the classes intact.
my OWN punishment is that if she does this again she will be removed from her beloved sparring class, the 2nd time it happens she will be grounded at home for 2 weeks and from class for 2 weeks, the 3rd time, I will make Master Moon hold her back 1 month from her testing for her next belt, even if she has her testing tip...and the 4 time I will ask that her contract be dissolved. I am now waiting to see what develops over the next few weeks.

This child of mine LIVES for going to TKD and sparring class! She trains 9+ hours a week and she is one of the best in class at her belt level. She THINKS she is untouchable, and Master Moon says that he LOVES how hard of a worker she is and that she should be setting a good example not a bad one. SHe found out real quick that the discipline even extended to her now.

So all in all I think that this kind of discipline is perfect for one that loves TKD!

 

[Stac3y]

So all in all I think that this kind of discipline is perfect for one that loves TKD!

It may work well for you, Shelley, but I look at it this way: my older son LOVES school. LOVES it. Is heartbroken when he's sick and has to stay home. Now, if he misbehaved at home, would I ground him from school? I wouldn't, because school is something good for him. Going to school improves his discipline, his mind, and his wellbeing. I feel the same way about karate class.

On the other hand, I might ground him from, say, a field trip, if he behaved horribly. And if he misbehaved in karate class, I would certainly make him do pushups, or sit out of sparring. I don't think it's unreasonable to take a kid out of one part of training, like the class you're talking about, but to ground him or her from it entirely, IMO, is detrimental. And BTW, your making her write a letter of apology--awesome!

 

[Bruno@MT]

I can see how that might be a punishment.
However I do not agree with those who think a kid should be punished or reprimanded for things outside the dojo that are not related to the martial art itself. They are your kids to discipline. Don't bother the sensei with it.

Likewise, the right of the parents to discipline their kids trumps the feelings of the sensei who has no claim to the kid. If the parent thinks that it is appropriate to ground someone, then the sensei just has to suck it up. Tough luck. They are not infringing on your domain. The kid is their responsibility, not yours unless it is in the class.

 

[Cirdan]

Well we don`t carry the whole morale thing too far but we do have a few rules for the kids. One is to listen to your parents, your school teachers and your MA instructors (in that order). We have denied advancement on occation and would certainly do so again if a parent wished it so with good reason.

 

[ShelleyK]

It may work well for you, Shelley, but I look at it this way: my older son LOVES school. LOVES it. Is heartbroken when he's sick and has to stay home. Now, if he misbehaved at home, would I ground him from school? I wouldn't, because school is something good for him. Going to school improves his discipline, his mind, and his wellbeing. I feel the same way about karate class.

On the other hand, I might ground him from, say, a field trip, if he behaved horribly. And if he misbehaved in karate class, I would certainly make him do pushups, or sit out of sparring. I don't think it's unreasonable to take a kid out of one part of training, like the class you're talking about, but to ground him or her from it entirely, IMO, is detrimental. And BTW, your making her write a letter of apology--awesome!

Youre right, it WONT work for everybody but I do feel that its a great course of action or at least a very effective "threat" to use on the child.

I guess because I am 1/2 Asian and I grew up in a VERY Asian household, that respect to me is VERY important, and if my children cant show respect both off an on the mat then there is no reason to be on the mat at all.
Now as far as regular school, I think that using that example is a bit extreme given that its a requirement for kids to be in school, it is NOT however a requirement to be in martial arts. TKD for my daughter is the best thing I could have done for her for an after school activity and for personal, mental and physical growth but if I need to restrict her from it or take this art away from her then thats what I must do. because if she cant handle it, then there is no point in being a part of it.
I may stick with my decision of dissolving the contract...OR...I might change my mind and take away more fun things from her like competitions, festivals...stuff like that...I dont know yet...and I probably wont make a decision like that until much later...but as it stands she understands that both me and our master mean business.

 

[Haakon]

A few years ago when my niece was still a colored belt, she was disrespectful with her mother when her mother asked her to do a chore. This was not a singular incident... just the climax. Mom chose to punish her by refusing to allow her to test for her next rank. My niece studies in one of those schools where you test every 3 months like clockwork. It's a real big deal there to miss a belt test since your friends will all outrank you at the next class.

Anyway, let's discuss the punishment. Do you think it's appropriate for Mom who is a non-martial artist to use TKD advancement as a punishment for bad behavior at HOME? Furthermore, as a school owner, would you feel your domain has been intruded upon?

Is it appropriate? Yes 100%. Many, many, years ago I was on the other side, I was the one being punished and had to miss a month of classes and tournament over something that shall not be mentioned. It was a good, painful, lesson that has stuck with me.

 

[Balrog]

Anyway, let's discuss the punishment. Do you think it's appropriate for Mom who is a non-martial artist to use TKD advancement as a punishment for bad behavior at HOME? Furthermore, as a school owner, would you feel your domain has been intruded upon?

Mom outranks everybody. :karate:

My job, as an instructor, is to work with the parents to teach life skills to their kids. If I've got a student being rude to a parent, I'm not doing my job correctly and I need to know about it. The student should be practicing the life skills on and with their parents because they spend the majority of their time with their parents.

I emphasize that Mom and Dad are to be referred to with "Yes/No, Sir/Ma'am" and I ask the parents to help the child establish that habit in the house. It's a teamwork effort.+