Men Vs Women! (here we go!)

MA-Caver

Sr. Grandmaster
MT Mentor
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Why do men like love at first sight? Because he knows it's all over as soon as she opens her mouth.
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? How much his wife has begun to resemble Morly Safer.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? Their target audience is women.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything? A mute nymphomaniac 18 year old girlfriend.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? Penis envy.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do women have mid-life crises? Because Phil and Oprah say they're supposed to.
Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a woman show she's planning for the future? Plastic Surgery.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? Sex, stupidity.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you do with a 40 year old woman who thinks she's God's gift? Trade her in for two 20 year olds.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him.
Why is sleeping with a woman like a soap opera? Cause it's the same tired old plot, year in and year out.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

and many more here! http://www.tech-sol.net/humor/one-liner5.htm
and many more here! http://www.tech-sol.net/humor/one-liner4.htm
 

Ninjamom

2nd Black Belt
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How are men and women different?

A picture is worth a thousand words:

An20engineers20view.jpg
 

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