Master's relationship to/arrangement with their student's school

[skribs]

Absolutely, it should have and could have happened before you left. That is on you.

He kept cancelling private lessons, ignored me in regular classes, and refused to teach me what was required for the curriculum. He cut my hours and started removing me from teaching.

It was absolutely not going to happen.

And that is not on me.

 

[HighKick]

He kept cancelling private lessons, ignored me in regular classes, and refused to teach me what was required for the curriculum. He cut my hours and started removing me from teaching.

It was absolutely not going to happen.

And that is not on me.

Be VERY specific: Why do you think he was being that way toward you?

 

[skribs]

Be VERY specific: Why do you think he was being that way toward you?

Because I told him I was moving away.

 

[HighKick]

Because I told him I was moving away.

Much more to this bad relationship.
You are very invested with him and keep going back. Doesn’t that speak very loudly that you need to repair the relationship. I have never heard you call him anything but master, so it sounds like you have respect for the guy.

 

[Yokozuna514]

Congratulations on passing your 4th Dan. Hopefully you enjoyed the day and the reward that goes with it.

Regardless of whether you will continue to have a relationship with this instructor or not, your MA is yours. You can decide to go on any path you like. Some paths will be easier and some will be more difficult. In all cases, you will need to be the engine of your success.

Good luck

 

[skribs]

Much more to this bad relationship.

He was a good teacher to the students, but a bad mentor to the instructors. He micromanaged. He would get petty and jealous if a student asked for help. The only times I ever got in trouble, it was right after he saw a student ask me for help with something after class. He was jealous that the student didn't come to him with the question. Which is really silly, because he's telling them to listen to me and that as an instructor I should be the one to go to them.

I told him at one point that I wanted to cross-train in BJJ. He told me that if I wanted to start learning BJJ, I would have to quit his school. Not just stop teaching, but quit entirely. I was actually going to take him up on that, but the day I was going to turn in my 2-weeks notice with him was March 16, 2020. The day everything shut down for COVID. There were no BJJ schools open, so I figured I'd keep training in the meantime.

Back when I first started teaching, I had been with him for 3 years, and one of his former students was shocked that I had lasted so long already. He had a reputation for burning out instructors. And you know what? The instructor that replaced me in 2022 when I left, has already burnt out and quit. His next instructor is on her way out.

So your suggestion that I stick in a toxic relationship is very incorrect. I honestly should have been out of this relationship years ago. I was out of this relationship in 2022, but got pulled back in because he apologized for the way he treated us before we left. But I'm not going to get into the cycle of abuse - apology - abuse - apology.

When someone is abusing you (in this case, abuse of power), you don't stick in the relationship. You find the fastest possible way to leave. If a woman is being abused by her husband, you don't tell her to wait in the relationship until she's got enough kids from him, or something silly like that. You tell her to get out ASAP. Telling me to stay in a toxic environment just to get a piece of paper is one of the silliest things I've seen suggested on this thread.