Loss of confidence!

[xanax]

Hello,

I would appreciate all thoughts and ideas on my current mental state.

I started out with martial-arts when I was a kid, with about 15 years of experience, whereof 7 years muay thai, and 3 years living permanently in thailand to train and occasional competition.

A few years ago I lost my self-esteem and physique. I have regained my physique but my confidence is lost. I feel smaller than others, weaker when I know I'm not.

The dangerous thing is that I believe I project this weakness. Only a few weeks ago a rather nasty facially tattooed guy pulled me down practically from behind and started kicking me like a football. This would never have happened before, infact it never has. Maybe my semi-pacifist mindset has made me more diplomatic and nice to people I meet, and people see that as a sign of weakness? Why am I suddenly feeling so afraid of everybody and all physical conflict?

I've looked into maybe doing some more practical training à la krav maga or such. But it seems simplistic compared to all the prior training I've had, and where I live there are restrictions in learning proper "agressive" self-defense.

Any thoughts on what I should do? I have been giving serious thought lately in going up in a bare-knuckle-fight simply to prove something to myself, perhaps that all those years of training and fighting wasn't just an illusion.

I can add that I am not agressive by nature and haven't sought out a brawl since I was younger and more cocky and dumb.

Happy New Year.

 

[Dirty Dog]

There's only one real answer here. You need a therapist, not a trainer, and certainly not a fight.

 

[Cyriacus]

Hi.

Hello,

I would appreciate all thoughts and ideas on my current mental state.

Sure.

I started out with martial-arts when I was a kid, with about 15 years of experience, whereof 7 years muay thai, and 3 years living permanently in thailand to train and occasional competition.

A few years ago I lost my self-esteem and physique. I have regained my physique but my confidence is lost. I feel smaller than others, weaker when I know I'm not.

The dangerous thing is that I believe I project this weakness. Only a few weeks ago a rather nasty facially tattooed guy pulled me down practically from behind and started kicking me like a football. This would never have happened before, infact it never has. Maybe my semi-pacifist mindset has made me more diplomatic and nice to people I meet, and people see that as a sign of weakness? Why am I suddenly feeling so afraid of everybody and all physical conflict?

So, did you go to the police? Or do people just kinda go around kicking people like footballs where you live? If youre afraid of people, sure, youll project fear. But its overconfidence thatll get you into fights.

I've looked into maybe doing some more practical training à la krav maga or such. But it seems simplistic compared to all the prior training I've had, and where I live there are restrictions in learning proper "agressive" self-defense.

There is no such thing as learning aggressive self defense. Aggressive self defense is something you do. Practicing it in a gym is nothing more than that.

Any thoughts on what I should do? I have been giving serious thought lately in going up in a bare-knuckle-fight simply to prove something to myself, perhaps that all those years of training and fighting wasn't just an illusion.

Years of training arent going to make you able to 'prove yourself'. If youre afraid of these people, good. You should be. Be afraid of someone who wants to hurt you. Try and prove something and youre giving them an excuse. Its easy to forget that wild hooks actually work. Its the wild haymakers thatre dumb, and ive never personally seen someone throw one. Let alone everything else people who havent spent years practicing codified systems can do to you.

[/quote]
I can add that I am not agressive by nature and haven't sought out a brawl since I was younger and more cocky and dumb.

Happy New Year.[/QUOTE]

Like the other gent said. Get a therapist.

 

[xanax]

Alright, therapy, fine, a lot of us could use it at some point. I don't disagree. But "therapy" wasn't the exact reflections I was looking for. People here must have their own experiences of loss of faith in abilities and loss of bar fights? And the subsequent mental state?

Aggressive self-defense I mean in the sense that for some odd reason they can't teach pre-emptive strikes here.... although for some clueless reason you do learn it in boxing/muay-thai. I mean the training that you do, is not realistic. And it rarely prepares you for real fighting. I'm not gonna start a feud here about which styles or not are better, but the hardest fighters i've seen on the street have no training and are simply filled with aggression...something which is very hard to defend oneself against.

I don't mean that I try to prove myself by provoking a fight. I rather meant that sometimes it is necessary to do things to convince oneself that one is still good...is still strong...is still able. I think everybody does it at some point, to prove some worth of talent whether at work or training.

I think rather that way too many martial artists out there have an illusion of their abilities, and they never really get to see what their true abilities are. Sooner or later an illusion of ability will strike back at you.

And no, no point in involving the police in such small matters here. And yes, people really do fight a lot here. Every weekend is a chance for an unprovoked fight. But is the answer really to just flee and move?

 

[ballen0351]

. But is the answer really to just flee and move?

Yep. If you live in a place where strangers walk up throw people on the ground and then kick them repeatedly for no reason then yep I suggest you move.

As for the rest of your post what do you want us to tell you. You come to an internet site looking for advice about making you more confident? Your names is xanex so your either a troll or already in the therapy

 

[xanax]

Yes, well my country is like that.... can't change my country.

Well, maybe not confidence per se, rather your reflections on what i mentioned. "xanax". It is not general confidence im asking about, I'm talking about over a decade of heavy training in martial-arts and then bit by bit realizing that no training in MA can do anything for self-defense apart from the illusion of it. I rather prefer some eloquent replies...and not about trolls. This is more about the psychology about the people practicing martial-arts and real life.

 

[ballen0351]

Yes, well my country is like that.... can't change my country.

Well, maybe not confidence per se, rather your reflections on what i mentioned. "xanax". It is not general confidence im asking about, I'm talking about over a decade of heavy training in martial-arts and then bit by bit realizing that no training in MA can do anything for self-defense apart from the illusion of it. I rather prefer some eloquent replies...and not about trolls. This is more about the psychology about the people practicing martial-arts and real life.

So you come to a martial arts forum to talk about why martial arts won't work for self defense? Maybe I'm not reading that right.

 

[geezer]

So you come to a martial arts forum to talk about why martial arts won't work for self defense? Maybe I'm not reading that right.

Well, to a certain extent he's right about using martial arts in the sense of fighting not always working out so well.

Avoidance is usually a better solution than fighting... especially if you are fighting facially tatooed thugs who have a lot of friends, and may be armed as well. Of course martial arts training for self defense should encompass more than fighting...There's a lot to know about being mentally aware, learning to recognize threats and avoiding them, using body language and "verbal jujutsu" to de-escalate a potential conflict, and of course the ever useful art of running away! Maybe he should check out stuff by folks like Geoff Thompson? I found him very useful.


BTW, Xanax what country are you from? Can you give us a little more background to help us understand your situation?

 

[Kaygee]

All of a sudden I am looking like a good forum member, aren't I?

 

[xanax]

Avoidance always works to a certain extent. But I'm sorry I don't want online warriors to post. Rather martial artists who've had their asses kicked! I have no idea where everybody here living.... but we have to accept fights all the time!

And no, MA dont work for self-defense. I can't see how any MA is useful beyond SF.

 

[ballen0351]

Avoidance always works to a certain extent. But I'm sorry I don't want online warriors to post. Rather martial artists who've had their asses kicked! I have no idea where everybody here living.... but we have to accept fights all the time!

And no, MA dont work for self-defense. I can't see how any MA is useful beyond SF.

So then you are here on a MA forum to talk about MA not working for self defense. So in your opinion what is the point of learning martial arts and what is good for defense?

 

[xanax]

Sorry, I meant to say that MA isn't useful for SF....

Anyway, avoidance is the best strategy, but how can you honestly say proudly that you practice a combat sport without being able to perform in true combat? I have way too many years of experience to see way too many martial artists who have no idea what real combat is.

G. Thompson! I actually thought of him the other night. And do you know why he started as a bouncer and fighter? To prove to himself that he could ! He got his *** kicked and his wife talked down to him, so he became a bouncer to prove himself a man. True story.

I worked as a bouncer aswell a few years ago, stood up against Hells Angels cause it was a biker bar. But these days I am a shadow of my former self.

"So you come to a martial arts forum to talk about why martial arts won't work for self defense? Maybe I'm not reading that right."

Well, it is never that simple. For sure "martial arts" can work for self defense if you use it properly. I am rather talking about the illusions that we all have about being fighters. Whether you are meat head in the octagon or a karate-ka.... it usually just boils down to the same old things. My main point: aggression.

My country? You wouldn't even believe me if I told you, it is more violent than your ABBA dreams....Sweden.

 

[ballen0351]

Sorry, I meant to say that MA isn't useful for SF....

Anyway, avoidance is the best strategy, but how can you honestly say proudly that you practice a combat sport without being able to perform in true combat? I have way too many years of experience to see way too many martial artists who have no idea what real combat is.

G. Thompson! I actually thought of him the other night. And do you know why he started as a bouncer and fighter? To prove to himself that he could ! He got his *** kicked and his wife talked down to him, so he became a bouncer to prove himself a man. True story.

I worked as a bouncer aswell a few years ago, stood up against Hells Angels cause it was a biker bar. But these days I am a shadow of my former self.

"So you come to a martial arts forum to talk about why martial arts won't work for self defense? Maybe I'm not reading that right."

Well, it is never that simple. For sure "martial arts" can work for self defense if you use it properly. I am rather talking about the illusions that we all have about being fighters. Whether you are meat head in the octagon or a karate-ka.... it usually just boils down to the same old things. My main point: aggression.

My country? You wouldn't even believe me if I told you, it is more violent than your ABBA dreams....Sweden.

So what is good for self defense? In you opinion with all these years of training all over the world what will work?

My answer is that is has nothing to do with the art. Any art will work if applied properly its up to the individual. Is the person prepared to fight. Like I said in another thread you don't need MA at all to fight my 3 year old can fight, he knows how to hit kick bite scratch he does it to his older brother all the time. So defending yourself is natural. Learning proper way to lunch and kick only serves to make you more effective and less likely to injure yourself. Learning things to add to your natural ability like elbows and knees which aren't natural in my opinion but can be very effective only help.
You got you butt kick and now question what you learned. OK Boo Hoo it happens. Suck it up go train harder or give up choice is yours but to say MA won't work because you got jumped from behind and stomped in the head hell that could happen to anyone. Next time sit in places where your back is against the wall and the only way someone can come at you is from the front or side. That's not MA that's common sense when dealing with self defense. The first step is being aware of who and what's around you. If you frequent bars where tattooed faced thugs are common pick a new bar or don't go out to bars or if you do stay sober and avoid tattooed faced people. Its simple really has nothing tondo with how many years of MA training you have.

 

[xanax]

Self defense? Being aggressive....bringing out the beast within. No need for training.

For sure I must say that my time training with Wing Tsun left more memories concerning self defense than any other art. But it does not matter what art you practice, just like you say. I agree completely! We all have a human instinct to use our hands to fight. Like bruce lee said, we only have two arms and two legs.

"boo hoo" ?? No no no, don't get me wrong, I don't give a crap about the actual physical beating (hence no police)... if you can't take a beating then you shouldn't call yourself a martial artist.

I am here to talk about the psychological side of fighting and martial arts....the point where they both cross.

I started MA as a kid cause I was highly fascinated by asian culture, which is also why I moved to asia. I always thought of MA as a way of personal development. But when I saw that MA doesn't provide the combat side, well....then it is no longer "martial".

avoid bad places and ****ed up people? very true and sound advice. very true. But you see, you can't really avoid the gangs here.... do I want to stop going to bars? No.

 

[geezer]

Xanax, I think you are right about what you call "agression", or a "fighters mentality" being essential to making anything work. You mentioned Wing Tsun. I spent some time in that system. The same technique that might get your's or my backside royally kicked worked great when someone like Emin applied it. But if you know Emin, you know he's aggressive as all hell. And that made all the difference.

I also trained under Rene Latosa. He made exactly the same point. If you don't have that controlled and focused agression, it doesn't matter what you do. MA could be viewed like any other weapon. Even a gun won't work if you can't aim it and pull the trigger.

Remember it isn't about your physique. Besides, eventually we all get old and lose strength and speed. No, it's about what you carry inside you that's most important. So I wish you luck in your personal struggle.

 

[xanax]

Ahhh, how funny you mention Emin. I had a conversation not long ago about him. My instructor in WT invited him in for a workshop. Well..Emin is Emin.... If anyone from europe here might remember, Emin and his group went around to karate dojos and places and challenged the instructors to fight. In the martial spirit most said yes and got their asses kicked. This is very chinese style. Not nice, but still part of MA.
However, let's take Emin as an example. He is a turkish guy growing up in germany brawling! He found WT and became a brutal fighter. But ! He is not typical WT. He is a person with alot of aggression! A person that likes to fight! A person that likes to challenge!

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

And yet, even an aggressive person will get beat by a surprise attack, which (I find) more likely since I believe that aggressiveness, if anything, lowers your level of awareness unless you were trained to be aware when being aggressive. So learn a martial art that teaches you that awareness to solve the problem, but don't just bash martial artists in general.

 

[Cyriacus]

Alright, therapy, fine, a lot of us could use it at some point. I don't disagree. But "therapy" wasn't the exact reflections I was looking for. People here must have their own experiences of loss of faith in abilities and loss of bar fights? And the subsequent mental state?

What you want and what you get arent always the same. Some people who get assaulted in bars and get the crap beaten out of them get PTSD. I kid you not. And im talking afraid to leave the house PTSD. If you have faith in your abilities to win, youre overconfident.

Aggressive self-defense I mean in the sense that for some odd reason they can't teach pre-emptive strikes here.... although for some clueless reason you do learn it in boxing/muay-thai. I mean the training that you do, is not realistic. And it rarely prepares you for real fighting. I'm not gonna start a feud here about which styles or not are better, but the hardest fighters i've seen on the street have no training and are simply filled with aggression...something which is very hard to defend oneself against.

Yes, but what i mean is, they might not teach it, but that doesnt mean you cant do it. Heres a pre emptive strike: Punch him in the head. BOOM! Aggressive self defense training.
Also, Boxing and Muay Thai are about hitting each other. Are you saying fighting isnt about hitting the other person? If youre predisposed to punching, you get good at it. If youre predisposed to grappling, you get good at that.

I don't mean that I try to prove myself by provoking a fight. I rather meant that sometimes it is necessary to do things to convince oneself that one is still good...is still strong...is still able. I think everybody does it at some point, to prove some worth of talent whether at work or training.

Yeah, then when you go in there to prove something to yourself, and get your face messed up, youll end up blaming THEM for it.

I think rather that way too many martial artists out there have an illusion of their abilities, and they never really get to see what their true abilities are. Sooner or later an illusion of ability will strike back at you.

Yeah, but heres the thing. Alot of beginners in martial arts think, for example, they wont throw big wide haymakers in a fight. Ok, maybe they wont. But what makes them so special that some roughneck who does get into fights hasnt figured that out for themself, possibly without even needing to have been in any fights? People arent stupid. Even so, big wide haymakers actually work from close range, and tend to be best defended by doing anything but try to block it.

[/quote]
And no, no point in involving the police in such small matters here. And yes, people really do fight a lot here. Every weekend is a chance for an unprovoked fight. But is the answer really to just flee and move?[/QUOTE]
Yes. The answer is to flee and move. So being violently assaulted is only a small matter? Yeah, ok. I believe that you arent fishing for a different answer.

 

[DennisBreene]

We can all imagine a situation where we are likely to win (or lose) in a fight. I don't see that as an afirmation of my self worth. It is perfectly possible to view myself as a man without seeking out a conflict to prove it. Saying that you can't avoid a fight appears to me to be a straw man argument; you choose not to avoid situations of conflict. If you truly face your motives, you may find that you can avoid conflict and still feel whole. Pesonally I don't expect martial arts to be my salvation. I am confident that I can fight better than I would be able to without the training, but I am not a combat veteran or a professional fighter and I don't expect to perform as well as someone with that experience might. I choose situations that don't bring me to the edge of conflict and if you can do that in the US, I suspect you can do it elsewhere.

 

[oftheherd1]

Honestly, I am still not sure what you are after.

Do you want us to tell you that MA aren't any good? I could do that but it isn't what I believe. Do you want someone to say Shazam! and turn you into a respected MA that everybody treats with respect. That's not going to happen either.

Do you seriously want answers on how to get your confidence back? That's a tough one. Especially when you haven't given us any clues as to what caused you to lose your confidence. Not sure anyone but yourself can, but without some clue what caused you loss of self confidence, it is very difficult if not impossible. Care to enlighten us?

I am also curious why you use the name Xanax? Are you currently undergoing treatment from a Psychologist or Psychaitrist? Are you taking some type of anti-depressant like Xanax? Is that when you noticed your lack of confidence?

I am inclinded to add to the advice not to just engage in a fight to see if you can gain confidence by beating some one up. From the way you sound, I think that would do you more harm than good. But perhaps some monitored and controlled sparring matches might. If you do, just keep yourself under control like a good martial artist should.