Hello,
I would appreciate all thoughts and ideas on my current mental state.
I started out with martial-arts when I was a kid, with about 15 years of experience, whereof 7 years muay thai, and 3 years living permanently in thailand to train and occasional competition.
A few years ago I lost my self-esteem and physique. I have regained my physique but my confidence is lost. I feel smaller than others, weaker when I know I'm not.
The dangerous thing is that I believe I project this weakness. Only a few weeks ago a rather nasty facially tattooed guy pulled me down practically from behind and started kicking me like a football. This would never have happened before, infact it never has. Maybe my semi-pacifist mindset has made me more diplomatic and nice to people I meet, and people see that as a sign of weakness? Why am I suddenly feeling so afraid of everybody and all physical conflict?
I've looked into maybe doing some more practical training à la krav maga or such. But it seems simplistic compared to all the prior training I've had, and where I live there are restrictions in learning proper "agressive" self-defense.
Any thoughts on what I should do? I have been giving serious thought lately in going up in a bare-knuckle-fight simply to prove something to myself, perhaps that all those years of training and fighting wasn't just an illusion.
I can add that I am not agressive by nature and haven't sought out a brawl since I was younger and more cocky and dumb.
Happy New Year.
I would appreciate all thoughts and ideas on my current mental state.
I started out with martial-arts when I was a kid, with about 15 years of experience, whereof 7 years muay thai, and 3 years living permanently in thailand to train and occasional competition.
A few years ago I lost my self-esteem and physique. I have regained my physique but my confidence is lost. I feel smaller than others, weaker when I know I'm not.
The dangerous thing is that I believe I project this weakness. Only a few weeks ago a rather nasty facially tattooed guy pulled me down practically from behind and started kicking me like a football. This would never have happened before, infact it never has. Maybe my semi-pacifist mindset has made me more diplomatic and nice to people I meet, and people see that as a sign of weakness? Why am I suddenly feeling so afraid of everybody and all physical conflict?
I've looked into maybe doing some more practical training à la krav maga or such. But it seems simplistic compared to all the prior training I've had, and where I live there are restrictions in learning proper "agressive" self-defense.
Any thoughts on what I should do? I have been giving serious thought lately in going up in a bare-knuckle-fight simply to prove something to myself, perhaps that all those years of training and fighting wasn't just an illusion.
I can add that I am not agressive by nature and haven't sought out a brawl since I was younger and more cocky and dumb.
Happy New Year.