Instructor being hard on me

Gyakuto

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When I was a kid I asked my great uncle what makes you a man. He said, a man is not a complete man until he can arrange flowers, speak at least two languages, and play a musical instrument. That advice continues to pay dividends. He was a golden gloves boxer in the navy and a consummate tough guy.
Ive read something very similar in Dave Lowrys Autumn Lightning. True warrior should be skilled in flower arranging (chaban), the way of tea (sado) and poetry.
 

Dirty Dog

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When I was a kid I asked my great uncle what makes you a man. He said, a man is not a complete man until he can arrange flowers, speak at least two languages, and play a musical instrument. That advice continues to pay dividends. He was a golden gloves boxer in the navy and a consummate tough guy.
That's a paraphrasing of something written by Robert Heinlein in Time Enough For Love. I suspect it's been said by many different people.
 

Buka

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I'm not really a fan of "whatever my instructor asks of me, there's gotta be a good reason". Unconditional respect is a bad idea. Respect should be earned, and has to be continually earned. Assuming nothing but positive about someone and giving them unconditional respect leads to bad teacher-student relationships, where the student fails to ask questions they should. This hampers the growth of both student and teacher.

And there is usually no good reason for just beating someone. Some of us needed the lesson in fighting (we get too cocky, and need to be taken down a peg), but for most of us that doesn't require a beating - just domination in sparring. And some of us needed the toughening, but that can also be had without a beating (though some toughening exercises might be described as a beating). The only really good reason I can think of is to get the experience of fighting through a beating. And that's not an exercise you'll need often.
As a chief instructor I made an effort to earn my students respect, especially through example.

I passed that on to any of my students who were becoming instructors themselves.

And there isnt USUALLY any reason to give out a beating. Key word, of course, being usually.

One of my students called my home one night late. (All senior students had my home number)

His car had a flat tire and he didnt have a spare. I could tell by his voice he was drunk.

I went and got him, drove him home, told him Id get him in the morning and wed take care of the car. (He was VERY drunk.)

Picked him up in the morning, went and bought a new tire, had the flat repaired. Told him Id see him in the dojo on Monday.

He was a young man, twenty years old. Lost both parents young, lived with his elderly grandmother.
Instructors sometimes represent a father figure whether they want to or not- another reason why being a good example is something all instructors should think about

Monday comes. Class is going to be a lively warmup then Im sparring with each student while I verbally coach them.

Hes about the fifteenth one up. I say nothing. We just spar. Every technique I throw is harder than the one before. When I have the opportunity to purposely throw a technique into his arms because of the position hes in I throw it as hard as I can. No kiai, no grunt, no expression on my face. But I can see the obvious expression on HIS face. Its one of uh oh.

Finally I go from morbidly silent to yelling as loud as I can. YOU WANT TO DRINK AND DRIVE!

I repeat this with every slam I hit him with. I whooped the living dog sheet out of him.
We end hugging with him crying in my arms and me telling him I love him. Which I sincerely did and still do.
I then address the class about what happened.

I know he never drank and drove again. I know him well, hes been a great family man and has been my attorney for over thirty years now.
 

Oily Dragon

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I love that reply. It's not really true, but the attitude behind it is.
The romanticization of warfare has always been a paradox.

The bad news is that in reality, fighting is fighting, combat is combat, and murder is murder. Warriors paint with blood.

Musashi is probably a little to blame for this.
 

Oily Dragon

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Ive read something very similar in Dave Lowrys Autumn Lightning. True warrior should be skilled in flower arranging (chaban), the way of tea (sado) and poetry.
Eh, I know this is a big thing in the martial arts literature world, but like Gerry said, I don't think it's true. Sounds great on paper but...

"True warrior"? They should be skilled in combat, which has nothing to do with flowers, tea, or art. Killing, deception, attrition.

"Well roundeded person" maybe, which is the modern POV of the martial artist...none of whom are warriors unless they are also military operators.

This whole idea that ancient battlefield and gladiator arenas were filled with artsy, philosophical types is a fantasy, IMHO, built on literature and cinema.
 

Gerry Seymour

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The romanticization of warfare has always been a paradox.

The bad news is that in reality, fighting is fighting, combat is combat, and murder is murder. Warriors paint with blood.

Musashi is probably a little to blame for this.
I think you missed both that the post I replied to was about being a man (not a warrior) and that I said the attitude behind it is true. To become what I'd consider a man, a man should recruit some other qualities than being strong.
 

Buka

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Eh, I know this is a big thing in the martial arts literature world, but like Gerry said, I don't think it's true. Sounds great on paper but...

"True warrior"? They should be skilled in combat, which has nothing to do with flowers, tea, or art. Killing, deception, attrition.

"Well roundeded person" maybe, which is the modern POV of the martial artist...none of whom are warriors unless they are also military operators.

This whole idea that ancient battlefield and gladiator arenas were filled with artsy, philosophical types is a fantasy, IMHO, built on literature and cinema.
I tend to disagree. I find it creates a balance that is used in life AND fighting.

Too much macho is easier to defeat than a balanced fighter. At least for me. Give me them macho men as opponents any time.

Best thing about them is the look on their face when they realize theyre screwed. They try to hide it, but cant.
 

Wing Woo Gar

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Eh, I know this is a big thing in the martial arts literature world, but like Gerry said, I don't think it's true. Sounds great on paper but...

"True warrior"? They should be skilled in combat, which has nothing to do with flowers, tea, or art. Killing, deception, attrition.

"Well roundeded person" maybe, which is the modern POV of the martial artist...none of whom are warriors unless they are also military operators.

This whole idea that ancient battlefield and gladiator arenas were filled with artsy, philosophical types is a fantasy, IMHO, built on literature and cinema.
He wasnt talking about being a warrior per se, he was telling me about the qualities a man needed. As far as war goes, he was at Pearl Harbor with my grandfather when it was attacked.
 

Wing Woo Gar

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Eh, I know this is a big thing in the martial arts literature world, but like Gerry said, I don't think it's true. Sounds great on paper but...

"True warrior"? They should be skilled in combat, which has nothing to do with flowers, tea, or art. Killing, deception, attrition.

"Well roundeded person" maybe, which is the modern POV of the martial artist...none of whom are warriors unless they are also military operators.

This whole idea that ancient battlefield and gladiator arenas were filled with artsy, philosophical types is a fantasy, IMHO, built on literature and cinema.
A man can be measured in many ways.
 

JowGaWolf

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As a chief instructor I made an effort to earn my students respect, especially through example.

I passed that on to any of my students who were becoming instructors themselves.

And there isnt USUALLY any reason to give out a beating. Key word, of course, being usually.

One of my students called my home one night late. (All senior students had my home number)

His car had a flat tire and he didnt have a spare. I could tell by his voice he was drunk.

I went and got him, drove him home, told him Id get him in the morning and wed take care of the car. (He was VERY drunk.)

Picked him up in the morning, went and bought a new tire, had the flat repaired. Told him Id see him in the dojo on Monday.

He was a young man, twenty years old. Lost both parents young, lived with his elderly grandmother.
Instructors sometimes represent a father figure whether they want to or not- another reason why being a good example is something all instructors should think about

Monday comes. Class is going to be a lively warmup then Im sparring with each student while I verbally coach them.

Hes about the fifteenth one up. I say nothing. We just spar. Every technique I throw is harder than the one before. When I have the opportunity to purposely throw a technique into his arms because of the position hes in I throw it as hard as I can. No kiai, no grunt, no expression on my face. But I can see the obvious expression on HIS face. Its one of uh oh.

Finally I go from morbidly silent to yelling as loud as I can. YOU WANT TO DRINK AND DRIVE!

I repeat this with every slam I hit him with. I whooped the living dog sheet out of him.
We end hugging with him crying in my arms and me telling him I love him. Which I sincerely did and still do.
I then address the class about what happened.

I know he never drank and drove again. I know him well, hes been a great family man and has been my attorney for over thirty years now.
Is someone who has worked with youth and people in general. ALWAYS SET EXPECTATIONS. They should always be those that people can rise to. You set the expectation that he should be better than that. It sounds like he rose to the expectation.
 

Gyakuto

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The romanticization of warfare has always been a paradox.
Not really. Its a manufactured paradox. Everyone intrinsically knows that warfare is a meaningless, pointless, fetid act, often instigated by the wealthy to acquire more wealth for them (in one form or another) and unilaterally fought by the proletariat (Im minded of War Pigs by Black Sabbath). How can the wealthy possibly motivate these ordinary people to commit atrocious acts? Romanticise it! Suggest its noble, patriotic and perhaps even philosophical/spiritual to kill others or die in order to acquire stuff. These ideas become absorbed by those that do the fighting, elaborated upon and eventually we end up with Bushido/Hagakure etc (Im most familiar with Japanese literature but Im sure other cultures have similar works).

But, at its most basic, its shoving a blade/high velocity projectile into someone elses son/daughter/father/mother, returning them to oblivion and depriving a family of their loved ones.

Merry Christmas everyone!
 

Bill Mattocks

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Every culture has supported a class of military leaders, not the actual military, which has captured notions of a well-rounded liberal education (in the classical sense of the word, please) as well as military theory, including history, philosophy, tactics, and so on. From the knights and nobles of old to the samurai to West Point. If poetry and calligraphy are no longer taught, it's still hewing reasonably closely to that standard. An officer and a gentleman, etc.

I am not of that class. I was on the pointy end of that spear. None of my comrades fought by proxy. My gardening and studies of history and philosophy came later in my life, and of my own volition.

As to manliness, I consider myself a poor example of one, and have no problem saying so. I am whatever is left after the world beats the snot out you.
 

Oily Dragon

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A man can be measured in many ways.
Yeah but I was responding to a specific mention of "true warrior".

Like Gerry said, he was taking about being "a man". I was referring to the idea that the "true warrior" masters many different arts idea. I think that is really fantasy and limited to a handful of examples over time, and mostly fictional.

How many Jedi are there? Zero.

How many people think they are Jedi? A lot.
 
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Wing Woo Gar

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Yeah but I was responding to a specific mention of "true warrior".

Like Gerry said, he was taking about being "a man". I was referring to the idea that the "true warrior" masters many different arts idea. I think that is really fantasy and limited to a handful of examples over time, and mostly fictional.

How many Jedi are there? Zero.

How many people think they are Jedi? A lot.
Are you saying Im not a Jedi? 地ll this time and now you tell me.
 

Bill Mattocks

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My blood has painted canvas more than once.

A warrior? Never.
What's a warrior? I have served in the Marine Corps of the US honorably. Am I then a warrior? As far as painting anything with blood, I'm not that good of an artist. I've been sued by stick figures, I'm not allowed to draw them anymore.

In any case, if I ever was a warrior, I am one no longer. I know enough about violence to know that it hurts, I like it too much, and I'm too old to play without hurting myself seriously.
 

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