Instructor being hard on me

OP
J

Ji679

White Belt
Joined
Dec 6, 2023
Messages
17
Reaction score
9
You know, this is a very natural feeling.

It's important to remember though, that there are people who go through all of life, live, die, whatever, never really standing up for themselves.

And god it must suck to be 40 and have that problem. I wouldn't know, I habitually stand up for myself too often.
He can easily tell me to leave and not come back and at same time not refund my money . I could totally see this hypothetical scenario play out

Its not exactly chump change either

I rather wait it out and not sign up next month and write a juicy review . Yea juicy we thinking watermelon juicy here
 

Gerry Seymour

MT Moderator
Staff member
Supporting Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2012
Messages
30,028
Reaction score
10,596
Location
Hendersonville, NC
He can easily tell me to leave and not come back and at same time not refund my money . I could totally see this hypothetical scenario play out

Its not exactly chump change either

I rather wait it out and not sign up next month and write a juicy review . Yea juicy we thinking watermelon juicy here
If that's a concern, act late in the month, so you're not losing much. As for a juicy review, I wouldn't bother. No matter how well you write it, it's only going to come across as whiny, even if you're right about him mistreating you and singling you out. There's just no way to make that sound right in a review, with the circumstances you have. Just a "meh" review would probably have more impact.
 
OP
J

Ji679

White Belt
Joined
Dec 6, 2023
Messages
17
Reaction score
9
If I hear the term toxic masculinity as the catch phrase one more time I am going to yack. A virtue signal definition like unalived and unhoused. Or whatever else society and MSM bevy up to weaken society
What is wrong with being masculine and having an opinion, we are speaking of technique of combat are we not. Is that not kind of masculine in itself. Why is it toxic. Just say he's being a dick and get over it.
May wish to say I am toxic. Well I have 5 daughters all with power positions, 7 granddaughters whom I all hope grow up strong and a wife who owns all the tools in the house, she's a carpenter. I love strong women. Frankly my 2 sons are the ones who are on the weaker side of things.

Sorry that got to me
Yep we living in matriarchal and gynocentric society .
If a man is overweight hell be called a slob , gross but if a women is overweight shes bbw, volulpotous , curvy
Passport bros all the way
 
OP
J

Ji679

White Belt
Joined
Dec 6, 2023
Messages
17
Reaction score
9
Im already left that toxic gym and doing trial at new place . So far so good
Maybe they putting an act but i attended as many classes as I can and from my observation people seem to just keep to themselves
I dont mind that
Dont need another fruit loop getting into my space
 

JowGaWolf

Sr. Grandmaster
MT Mentor
Joined
Aug 3, 2015
Messages
14,063
Reaction score
5,985
Just want personal opinion

I signed up for Muay Thai for a month but been going there off and on 1 month here 3
Months there
Recently a coach /owner there would roast me when I told him I didnt want be paired up with a partner who was a lot bigger than me. We were holding pads. I held pads for big partner and back of my forearms were all bruised up a day after

He kicked hard as he was a big guy plus he was senior student.

Other times he would show a combo and I didnt catch all of it and he would use his fingers to flick at my head and say this isnt your first time. Kind demeaning . You know combos have small little nuances sometimes we forgot or miss

Ofc I didnt purposely forgot its just I didnt catch all small details of the combo

He would at times call me out infront of class. Kind like roast

Whats your thoughts on this ? I think I should be treated with some respect if Im paying good money and ontop Im a paying clients
I'm not sure what to say here. I feel like I'm missing something here. None of what you listed sounds like bullying to me.

I personally don't mind paring up with someone stronger and bigger than me because I know what comes with it. My perspective is that it's conditioning to me.

The questions you get seem normal to me. It feels like you are getting negative treatment but getting called out to answer questions helps with the learning process. I didn't like it when I went through it so I made a bigger effort to remember things do I don't mind the embarrassment of not knowing what was being trained

The flick on the head can go either way. As long as he's not trying to thump your brains out. For me I can feel my aggressive natural say "I'm not goinging to let this class beat me.

My first read. I immediately thought the worst but now it just feels like there's more to this issue.
 
Last edited:

Gyakuto

Senior Master
Supporting Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
2,376
Reaction score
2,063
Location
UK
The most dignified thing to do is quietly leave and go elsewhere.

If you confront this person, I think it unlikely that he will say, You know Ji679, I never looked at it like that or considered that different people might see my behaviour in different ways, some of which are not nurturing or respectful, in their opinion. Im afraid being a hard nut and acting tough makes me feel good about myself and now I see thats often at the expense of others esteem. Please accept my apologies and return to training to learn Muay Thai.

But I might be wrong.
 

Oily Dragon

Senior Master
Joined
May 2, 2020
Messages
3,257
Reaction score
1,650
Im not the type to raise a **** storm .thats what perturbed human would do .
This isnt high school anymore and what would hit him hard is in the pocket book . Damn a poor review . thats not good look on my business innit

Im more of type to have witty comebacks that would roast him back . Think chandler from friends
Muay Thai is, at its core, the ancient Siamese art of rendering people into meatloaf.

If you can't raise a **** storm, you might struggle with Muay Thai.

Matt Perry would have died a lot sooner if he'd entered a Muay Thai gym and tried to get by with jokes.

Too soon?
 

Oily Dragon

Senior Master
Joined
May 2, 2020
Messages
3,257
Reaction score
1,650
He can easily tell me to leave and not come back and at same time not refund my money . I could totally see this hypothetical scenario play out

Its not exactly chump change either

I rather wait it out and not sign up next month and write a juicy review . Yea juicy we thinking watermelon juicy here
How much did you pay?
 

mograph

Master of Arts
Joined
Apr 10, 2008
Messages
1,809
Reaction score
1,000
If I hear the term toxic masculinity as the catch phrase one more time I am going to yack.
Just to clarify, "toxic masculinity" doesn't describe all masculinity, just the shitty kind. Like bullying, for example, or telling boys that they need to be assholes in order to be men. So they're not talking about you.

Carry on.
 

geezer

Grandmaster
MT Mentor
Joined
Oct 20, 2007
Messages
7,371
Reaction score
3,584
Location
Phoenix, AZ
As for the ADHD - I hear you loud and clear on that (I was diagnosed at 51). Explain to your instructor how ADHD affects working memory. This is a real thing, not a "need to work on it" weakness. Your brain likely doesn't hold those combos nearly as well as some folks around you, so it'll take you more reps to get it all into the part of your memory that can hold it. This isn't even an attention thing - our working memory simply isn't as functional as most folks'.
Dang, you too?

I was never formally diagnosed wit ADHD, but figured it out when my nephew, and later my son were diagnosed with this condition and started meds. It made a huge difference in my son's academics and his life in general.

In recent years have taken several ADHD tests, and scored off the charts on every one. Learning a little about the condition has been very helpful to me. It has helped me understand so many of the things I've struggled with in work and school throughout my life.

More to the point, understanding how this condition relates to my working memory explains why I get so frustrated trying to learn and retain the long, choreographed, paired chi-sau sequences used in the curriculum of one of my previous martial arts instructors. He had an exceptional kinetic memory and was very rigid about his training methods. From his perspective, the only reason a person wouldn't learn like he did, was either laziness, stubbornness, or stupidity. Not surprisingly after many years of association, we have parted ways.

So, I heartily agree with your advice. It is really helpful to seek out an instructor whose teaching methods suit your physical and mental abilities. Unfortunately, some arts are rare, and you are lucky to find any qualified instructor. In that case you may have to just suck it up and do the best that you can...

...or do something else.
 
OP
J

Ji679

White Belt
Joined
Dec 6, 2023
Messages
17
Reaction score
9
I'm not sure what to say here. I feel like I'm missing something here. None of what you listed sounds like bullying to me.

I personally don't mind paring up with someone stronger and bigger than me because I know what comes with it. My perspective is that it's conditioning to me.

The questions you get seem normal to me. It feels like you are getting negative treatment but getting called out to answer questions helps with the learning process. I didn't like it when I went through it so I made a bigger effort to remember things do I don't mind the embarrassment of not knowing what was being trained

The flick on the head can go either way. As long as he's not trying to thump your brains out. For me I can feel my aggressive natural say "I'm not goinging to let this class beat me.

My first read. I immediately thought the worst but now it just feels like there's more to this issue.
Its just lack respect thats all and Im paying client
 

Bujingodai

Black Belt
Joined
May 24, 2002
Messages
599
Reaction score
95
Location
Ontario, Canada
Just to clarify, "toxic masculinity" doesn't describe all masculinity, just the shitty kind. Like bullying, for example, or telling boys that they need to be assholes in order to be men. So they're not talking about you.

Carry on.
Maybe generational we'd just call that being an A hole, masculinity wouldn't factor in at all. My 1st wife knocked out 2 of my molars and pushed me down a flight of stairs, is she being toxically feminine? No she was an A hole.
BTW that's why I started in the martial arts to learn to avoid her hits. Just a fun fact
 

JowGaWolf

Sr. Grandmaster
MT Mentor
Joined
Aug 3, 2015
Messages
14,063
Reaction score
5,985
Muay Thai is, at its core, the ancient Siamese art of rendering people into meatloaf.

If you can't raise a **** storm, you might struggle with Muay Thai.

Matt Perry would have died a lot sooner if he'd entered a Muay Thai gym and tried to get by with jokes.

Too soon?
I would expect a rough environment at a Muay Thai school. More so than a TKD school.
 

mograph

Master of Arts
Joined
Apr 10, 2008
Messages
1,809
Reaction score
1,000
Just want personal opinion

Right. All good points in the responses.
I signed up for Muay Thai for a month but been going there off and on 1 month here 3
Months there
So you come and go when you can? Teachers tend not to respond to students who do that. They don't hate those students, but they are less likely to respond to requests out of scope of the training.

In other words, regular attendance is the deposit that allows for the occasional withdrawal, such as special requests, or questions during the class.

Recently a coach /owner there would roast me when I told him I didnt want be paired up with a partner who was a lot bigger than me. We were holding pads. I held pads for big partner and back of my forearms were all bruised up a day after

You should have just agreed to the pairing, and seen it as a challange. You came to the art to challenge yourself, right?
... and I thought bruises were a part of this sort of thing.
He kicked hard as he was a big guy plus he was senior student.
Maybe you were lucky to get a senior student -- to challenge yourself.
As someone wrote, why not ask the big guy to dial it down?
But then, you're kind of obligated to let the big guy dial it back up a bit, to make it interesting for him. He pays to attend class, too.
Other times he would show a combo and I didnt catch all of it and he would use his fingers to flick at my head and say this isnt your first time. Kind demeaning . You know combos have small little nuances sometimes we forgot or miss
Ofc I didnt purposely forgot its just I didnt catch all small details of the combo
He would at times call me out infront of class. Kind like roast
This sounds like he's actually trying to make you quit, or he can't adjust what he teaches to the level of the student's comprehension.
Whats your thoughts on this ? I think I should be treated with some respect if Im paying good money and ontop Im a paying clients

I think you should go to another gym.
  • you don't want to challenge yourself to the extent that this gym demands
  • you expect an non-challenging time because you paid for it.
  • you come and go, showing a lack of commitment, and this sh*t needs commitment
  • (combos) the instructor doesn't want you there, or can't adjust his program to different levels of skill (this happens in all disciplines, not just martial) I think this is the main reason to quit.
  • muay thai is about fighting, and you probably just want a group workout
But don't write a bad review -- it would not be coming from a place of expertise in MT, and would make more sense if it were written by a parent describing how the teacher treated their child, not how you as a 40-year-old man was treated.

It's concerning how eager you were to write a "juicy" bad review -- you might want to reflect on why.

Just consider it a bad fit and move on. I'd avoid combat arts, and just get a good sweat at a gym.
 

Xue Sheng

All weight is underside
Joined
Jan 8, 2006
Messages
34,340
Reaction score
9,492
Location
North American Tectonic Plate
Just to clarify, "toxic masculinity" doesn't describe all masculinity, just the shitty kind. Like bullying, for example, or telling boys that they need to be assholes in order to be men. So they're not talking about you.

Carry on.
True, but problem is, it gets applied to way to many inappropriate situations these days when someone does not like what they are hearing.
 

Gerry Seymour

MT Moderator
Staff member
Supporting Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2012
Messages
30,028
Reaction score
10,596
Location
Hendersonville, NC
Dang, you too?

I was never formally diagnosed wit ADHD, but figured it out when my nephew, and later my son were diagnosed with this condition and started meds. It made a huge difference in my son's academics and his life in general.

In recent years have taken several ADHD tests, and scored off the charts on every one. Learning a little about the condition has been very helpful to me. It has helped me understand so many of the things I've struggled with in work and school throughout my life.

More to the point, understanding how this condition relates to my working memory explains why I get so frustrated trying to learn and retain the long, choreographed, paired chi-sau sequences used in the curriculum of one of my previous martial arts instructors. He had an exceptional kinetic memory and was very rigid about his training methods. From his perspective, the only reason a person wouldn't learn like he did, was either laziness, stubbornness, or stupidity. Not surprisingly after many years of association, we have parted ways.

So, I heartily agree with your advice. It is really helpful to seek out an instructor whose teaching methods suit your physical and mental abilities. Unfortunately, some arts are rare, and you are lucky to find any qualified instructor. In that case you may have to just suck it up and do the best that you can...

...or do something else.
I had no idea I was ADHD until I ran into some folks posting info about it on social media. That got me doing some research, which led me to look for a professional diagnosis - I got two of them, and both put me about the same: mixed, but mostly inattentive type. Learning about ADHD has helped me understand so much of what I've gone through in my life, why I did some of the things I did.

If you want a good resource, I like the book ADHD 2.0. Well written, informative, and structured around the evidence.
 

Gerry Seymour

MT Moderator
Staff member
Supporting Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2012
Messages
30,028
Reaction score
10,596
Location
Hendersonville, NC
Maybe generational we'd just call that being an A hole, masculinity wouldn't factor in at all. My 1st wife knocked out 2 of my molars and pushed me down a flight of stairs, is she being toxically feminine? No she was an A hole.
BTW that's why I started in the martial arts to learn to avoid her hits. Just a fun fact
"Toxic masculinity" refers to when someone tells others what is/isn't masculine, pushing bad behavior (intolerance, selfishness, lack of respect for others, etc.) as the "masculinity" men should aspire to, or they aren't "real men".
 

mograph

Master of Arts
Joined
Apr 10, 2008
Messages
1,809
Reaction score
1,000
True, but problem is, it gets applied to way to many inappropriate situations these days when someone does not like what they are hearing.
Yeah. That's kind of evergreen these days: we "weaponize" words to suit our purposes, and create new meanings as a result. Eventually, communication suffers.

It's too bad, because words can be useful if we just wait, and try to find the best one for the situation.
 

mograph

Master of Arts
Joined
Apr 10, 2008
Messages
1,809
Reaction score
1,000
That got me doing some research, which led me to look for a professional diagnosis - I got two of them, and both put me about the same: mixed, but mostly inattentive type.
May I ask how much they cost? I'm probably ADHD, but not diagnosed, and not as dysfunctional as some people I've seen online.
 

Oily Dragon

Senior Master
Joined
May 2, 2020
Messages
3,257
Reaction score
1,650
Yeah. That's kind of evergreen these days: we "weaponize" words to suit our purposes, and create new meanings as a result. Eventually, communication suffers.

It's too bad, because words can be useful if we just wait, and try to find the best one for the situation.
Sometimes there is no good word at all.

And so it goes. Kurt Vonnegut's birdy.
 
Top