Family training

[Stickboxer]

This question is NOT about training women and children, especially by the male head of household. That's an entirely different subject, and one that tends to ignite a ton of different opinions and experiences. What I'm interested in here is how many people--usually not teachers but still lower-belt students--have trained alongside a significant other or child.

I ask this because shortly after I began in TKD, I wanted my then-girlfriend to join with me, even though she'd be a couple ranks behind me. We didn't necessarily have to be at the same level or do the same things, but I thought it be neat if we shared this hobby. Many couples actually work with each other in classes, even sparring each other! It's not really that different from two buddies who join up together, is it? Or is it different at all from two people who become friends in a school?

What I'm really thinking is that when I have a child, I'd like the child and me to both attend the same school. For instance, my son and I could go to "Joe's Martial Style B Academy" and both be students there. The only problems I really foresee with this are:

1. student classes and adult classes are rarely at the same time,

2. adult students will naturally progress faster than adolescents (ideally, at least) because of their ability to absorb and understand information, and the adult would then begin teaching the child, even if the adult really doesn't know that much more and may just be fulfilling the role of an adult in directing children.

For the record, I teach and plan on teaching my own children as well when I have one/some. But I still want my children, as well as myself, to be opne to other styles and try new schools.

Thoughts?

 

[Shotochem]

Hi Stick, Ive trained with my son 81/2. I found it to be very rewarding enjoyable family time. He quit, I still train. Enjoy it, but remember if the child doesnt want to train any longer he/she are just kids. I still hope he might return when he is ready.

 

[tonbo]

Both of my sons trained for a while, both while still pretty young.

My oldest son (now 13), started with me when he was 3 1/2. He trained until he was about 11, then decided he wanted a break. He hasn't returned to it yet, but may some day (he has talked about coming back to training recently).

My youngest son (now 7), started when he was 4. He trained for about a year and a half, then didn't want to do it anymore. We are not pushing him to go back, but if he wants to, we are more than open to it.

In addition, my wife trains in the martial arts, although in a totally different style. That's a lot of fun, promoting all kinds of discussions about styles and techniques..

Peace--

 

[Stickboxer]

My wife was forced by her parents to take piano lessons for a number of years, and while that sounds mean, it was well-meaning with the intent to enrich her. More importantly, she had to do it just until she reached a certain age, and if by then she wanted to quit, she could. She did.

Likewise, I want to MAKE my child take classes (of course, I'd start off telling them they were allowed to take the classes if they were good). Quite frankly, I'd force them to do it, just as many parents make their kids do some household chores and/or participate in family activities. I never wanted to go even on vacations with my family, but as parents, my mom and dad sought to instill some family togetherness in forcing me to go with them and my siblings to picnics and other family outings.

For an adult to pursue any of a number of hobbies, it often takes the parent away from his or her child/children. Making children take classes with them is certainly a lot better than those parents who sit and read (or worse, just drop off and return later) while their kids take a class.

The issue isn't really whether its right to MAKE them do it. I just am looking for experiences and opinions, I guess. One problem might be how the adult--who's really INTO the art and the training--deals with a family who doesn't share the interest and just wants to quit, if they ever began.

As a teacher, I'd also have to wonder how I'd feel if my child refuses to learn or take classes, with or under me. Imagine if Bruce Lee was still alive when Brandon Lee decided (in his early teen years, I believe) to turn his back on martial training for a number of years! I'd crush me! I feel bad that I can't get my wife involved! To have my child say "dad does this boring, stupid stuff and I'm not interested in it at all" would really disappoint me...

 

[karatekid1975]

Me and my other half train together. We don't have problem with it. I am a higher rank than him, and I trained at another school before, also. He has no problem with me being a higher rank than him. He thinks it's great, cause he can get help with stuff at home, not just in the dojang. One of my instructors even told me that it was great that I was helping him (even teaching him stuff). And I'm the type of person who doesn't use my rank against people, so we get along great in class.

 

[Shotochem]

Stick, I respectfully disagree. I would not force the child to take classes. I would encourage it. My son has quit, however he still comes with me and enjoys watching and talking about MA. If you force a child they will not get the true enjoyment of any activity.
I have been trying to train my son at home to get him more into it again. He dosnt like to listen to me correcting him and teaching him. Sometimes it is better to let someone else teach your kids.

 

[tonbo]

Stick, I am also going to respectfully disagree.

I "made" my oldest son take karate for a number of years. I was an advanced belt long before he was, and was also an instructor at our school. I expected him to do better, and to be better behaved, than most of the other students--many of whom were his friends.

Well, that worked for a bit. However, he was more interested in being with his friends and not doing the moves. Yeah, he *liked* the martial arts, but he was under 10 at the time, so he really wasn't into them the same way that I was. Things were kind of frustrating most of the time. I expected much more out of him than he was able to give.

After a while, I realized what was going on, and eased up a bit. He enjoyed the arts more after I gave him the choice, saying he could go to class if he wanted to, and I would support him, or he could stay out and take a break. Either way, he had to commit and not be wishy-washy. Unfortunately, he did both.... He went to class quite a bit, of his own desire, for a while, and then decided that he needed to slow down and work on school more than karate. I did agree with that, and he took his break. He has been out for more than 2 years now, but is looking to get back into it.

I think it was GoldenDragon (here on MartialTalk) that pointed out that you don't want to *force* your kids into the MA--they will fight back against you. However, if you enjoy the arts, and you show them the beauty and "coolness" of the arts, you will more likely get them involved......and they will find the love of it more than if they are forced into it.

Last point: I was bullied as a kid. A LOT. I wanted to be able to protect myself, and eventually, I reached that goal. I didn't want my sons to be bullied, so I pushed them into martial arts. What I didn't realize was that *I* was bullying them. What protection did they have against that? I was hurting more than helping (by taking them to classes they didn't feel comfortable in).

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Show your kids why you love the arts, and let them come to you......

Just my opinion.

Peace--

 

[Stickboxer]

Heck, even I disagree with myself! I don't agree with forcing a child to do something, however there are times that's necessary. I don't have any children yet, so I am no expert on how to treat them. I do, however, work with children (kids in their late teens, many with the intellect of 5-year-olds... cerepral palsy), and I know that you have to tell them what to do sometimes. Like chores. Or going to school.

The trick is to make them think its not something to despise, an obligation or a punishment, all of which takes them away from the stuff they want to do. Its pretty easy to make your child want to be involved when they are especially young, and they watch mom or dad kicking in the living room. Early footage of Brandon Lee, for example, shows him in the back yard while his dad Bruce trained; Brandon was barely old enough to stand, and he was throwing kicks, imitating dad.

As I said, my wife HAD to take piano lessons for a number of years. To this day, she's still not happy about it, and she quit as soon as she could. But then there's the flip side of the coin. My parents wanted me to take up a musical instrument while in school, as all of my siblings had done. I refused. Today, I had zero musical talents, and I regret it. I could take up an instrument now, but I'd never be able to make up for time lost.

It might be quite a while before I have a child, but I'd like to at least encourage them to take at least one class per week. I would treat the class as a reward, something the kid can look forward to, not as an obligation. And I'd ask them to do it for a set time period, after which they could quit. I do not yet know if I'd want it to be me or someone else who teaches my kid, but probably the latter, since that's clearly the best idea. In his or her later years, my child can then come train under me if thats what is desired.

Maybe I just feel alone in my hobbies, since my wife never cared about "that crazy martial stuff" I do. Anyone else have that experience?

 

[tshadowchaser]

any others practice with there children or partner? Who started first? How many practice at thome wqith this person.
How many practice a different art from there children or partner? I know my wife never would study the same art as I do we like to compare not compet with each other. Plus that she would never trust me to be gentel when traing her in my art

 

[Pakhet]

Originally posted by tshadowchaser

any others practice with there children or partner? Who started first? How many practice at thome wqith this person.
How many practice a different art from there children or partner? I know my wife never would study the same art as I do we like to compare not compet with each other. Plus that she would never trust me to be gentel when traing her in my art

She started before me by about a year. She's testing for her blue stripe saturday the 14th...I just got my orange stripe. She'll help me sometimes, when I practise at home, but she doesn't like to "play" with me much, so I practise by myself. She also doesn't go to class as often since she started high school...homework, friends and just teenage attitude (she's 14). But she's the reason I started, and I'm really glad I did, whether she keeps up with it or not.

Lisa

 

[cali_tkdbruin]

Originally posted by tshadowchaser

any others practice with there children or partner? Who started first? How many practice at thome wqith this person.
How many practice a different art from there children or partner? I know my wife never would study the same art as I do we like to compare not compet with each other. Plus that she would never trust me to be gentel when traing her in my art

Well, I'm currently training in Taekwondo with my daughter. She was first to began her MA study years back. I initially enrolled her in the MA because I wanted her to be able to defend herself should the need ever arise.
After she had been training a little over a year I noticed that she had begun to stagnate in her MA development and progression. She was starting to feel apathetic about her training. I kept encouraging her to train to at least the black belt level. So, to show her my earnestness to put up or shut up, and in order to help motivate her I decided to take up TKD as well. It was also a means of giving her a training partner. We've spent invaluable family time together doing something constructive that forever will be a big part of our lives. We encourage each other, and I ask her for tips on my techniques and vice versa. It's nice.

In closing we have both just been promoted to 1st dan black. I know I'll continue my training for as long as I can. As far as my daughter goes, she'll be 13 years old soon, and if she wants to take a break now then she's entitled to it. I wouldn't be offended by her decision, she accomplished her goal. However, she still wants to continue her MA training and continue competing in tourneys!
She has already marked her calendar for the TKD tourney in Vegas in February, and has been talking about working toward 2nd dan. I hope she'll continue in the MAs for some time to come... :asian:

 

[Elfan]

A friend whom I train with has two sons. We sometimes train with the elder of the two. However, all 3 of them do go to the same school (which I think has family classes but I'm not sure).

Thats another question, how many people know of school with a "family" class?

 

[Nightingale]

my mom always made my brother and I take swimming lessons. I do NOT like water. or rather, I do NOT like water on my face or in my eyes. Her incentive was that every day after swim lessons, we would do something that I liked... sometimes it was go out for frozen yogurt, play a game i liked, or read a book I liked...but only if I was well behaved and tried my best in class.

it worked very well.

I ended up working as a lifeguard at the college pool and making $15 bucks an hour in college.

So it did pay off.

my mom would make me a deal... "if you go to swimming, we'll (insert treat) afterwards... but if you choose not to go to swimming, no treat." I always went to swimming.

try that with karate if your kids are reluctant. tie it to something they like (if you go to karate, you can watch (insert favorite television show) after class...tape record it if necessary)

 

[tshadowchaser]

On a side note to this thread I have watched good students leave a school because they had a brother or sister study at the same school that really didnt want to study or was to young and undisaplined . The good student may have also had some one older and a bit meaner from their family study who used the student as a practice victum while at home.
Sometimes it is great to study andpractice with your family at other times it can be hard if you do not want to practice, or if you are not as athletic, or flexable.

 

[JDenz]

If they want to you can make it happen. If they don't want to no matter how hard you work it won't happen.

 

[TKD50]

Likewise, I want to MAKE my child take classes (of course, I'd start off telling them they were allowed to take the classes if they were good). Quite frankly, I'd force them to do it, just as many parents make their kids do some household chores and/or participate in family activities. I never wanted to go even on vacations with my family, but as parents, my mom and dad sought to instill some family togetherness in forcing me to go with them and my siblings to picnics and other family members.

I did the same. They lost enthusiasm after about two lessons when they learned how much hard work it was. It was like pulling teeth until about the blue belt (just before brown at our school) level. Then I couldn't stop them. It was the best thing I ever did for them as a parent and they thank me for not letting them quit.

 

[tshadowchaser]

The act of following through with any thing is an important lesson for our children. If they learn early in life that they should finish what they start they will be better situated to handle life when they get older.
The simple act of setting a goal and accomplishing that goal is a rewarding experence.
Shadow:asian: