boyfriend lying about his purple belt..

[lklawson]

You're making the assumption that he's lying, when we don't know for sure he actually is lying. And giving advice based off that assumption.

I agree, and have stipulated, that I am taking the OP at face value.

You're also assuming people either are, or aren't, liars. I don't think I've met anyone who can claim they've never told a lie. That doesn't mean that they lie often (or that they don't), but one lie that may not be a lie does not mean he's a liar who OP should dump with no further context on our end.

Not necessarily. I think you can tell a lot about people based on what they choose to lie about. What does this lie, told to this person, say about the person telling the lie? My experiences say that, among other things, it tells the OP, "don't date this person."

It doesn't necessarily mean it's not a red flag, with more context than what we have, but that's why any advice from us in this regard is pretty useless.

What? A thread in an online forum that could have more context which the forumites don't know and is ultimately just a bunch of folks talking about something which might not even be real? I'm shocked! SHOCKED, I tell you!

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk

 

[lklawson]

Fair enough, we agree to disagree.

I agree that she may have good reason to dump him if he is indeed lying. But she should have simply done so or at least conducted her investigation in a more private manner before making that decision. The way she handled it, I can’t imagine the relationship surviving once he finds out. So he has good reason to dump her as well.

Fair enough.

Actually, maybe they deserve each other and they ought to stay together.

Brother, we may have seen some of the same relationships between two (or more) messed up people over the years.

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk

 

[lklawson]

Yup. Without giving names, I've seen 2 schools near me that claim to teach Jiujitsu (one BJJ specifically, the other gets around it by not specifying style, just saying jiu jitsu and implying it's bjj). This was pre-covid, so I don't remember the specifics, but basically one school taught the "jiujitsu" course separately as a supplemental option, but people advanced in it around the same speed they did the regular classes, so around 3-4 years for bb. I never actually trained there, but get the feeling from that time period a 'purple belt' would actually be a white belt nearing blue.
The other school integrated bjj into their classwork, and advertised as a school that taught kempo and bjj, so the students would claim (and not be corrected) that if they had a black belt in kenpo, they had a black belt in bjj, same with brown, and other belts. The instructor did actually take bjj classes and was a blue belt iirc, and his students were not all that impressive (with bjj, their kempo was fine).

For more than a couple of decades now, I've seen schools claim they're teaching or adding "grappling" or "mixed martial arts" or "jujitsu" to their curriculum. But they don't usually directly claim it's BJJ if it isn't. Remember "Combat Hapkido" adding in grappling? Sort of like that.

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

I agree, and have stipulated, that I am taking the OP at face value.

Even taking OP at face value, she's only assuming that it's a lie. I listed a couple options earlier in the thread that could explain why he sucks and is not lying.

Not necessarily. I think you can tell a lot about people based on what they choose to lie about. What does this lie, told to this person, say about the person telling the lie? My experiences say that, among other things, it tells the OP, "don't date this person."

That's fair. Telling your kid santa clause brought the presents is pretty different than telling a judge you didn't commit murder, and there's a spectrum there. I think that, given this reads like it was said on an 1st/2nd date, and from how it sounds he tried to move past and not bring it up again, he made a dumb statement trying to impress/relate to his date, and doesn't know how to back out of it.

Definitely immature, but so is bringing it up to a forum full of people OP doesn't know, with a video showing what OP is fully aware is bad rolling, with the potential to embarrass. So sounds like it more means you shouldn't date someone like this, not necessarily that OP shouldn't.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

For more than a couple of decades now, I've seen schools claim they're teaching or adding "grappling" or "mixed martial arts" or "jujitsu" to their curriculum. But they don't usually directly claim it's BJJ if it isn't. Remember "Combat Hapkido" adding in grappling? Sort of like that.

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk

Like I said, at least one of the two directly claimed BJJ. I know the students of the other referred to it as BJJ, I think the owner just called it jujitsu class. But this is going back a couple years so not 100% sure. My point was more that it's totally possible for a student to believe he's a purple belt in BJJ when he really isn't.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Like I said, at least one of the two directly claimed BJJ. I know the students of the other referred to it as BJJ, I think the owner just called it jujitsu class. But this is going back a couple years so not 100% sure. My point was more that it's totally possible for a student to believe he's a purple belt in BJJ when he really isn't.

Just occurred to me this could be done/justified as a marketing tactic. In the same way a wing chun school might list itself as "karate", because that terms more recognizable, so someone training in it might think they're doing karate, a school might list itself as BJJ as a recognizable term when really they're teaching something else.

 

[lklawson]

Even taking OP at face value, she's only assuming that it's a lie. I listed a couple options earlier in the thread that could explain why he sucks and is not lying.

That's fair. Telling your kid santa clause brought the presents is pretty different than telling a judge you didn't commit murder, and there's a spectrum there. I think that, given this reads like it was said on an 1st/2nd date, and from how it sounds he tried to move past and not bring it up again, he made a dumb statement trying to impress/relate to his date, and doesn't know how to back out of it.

Definitely immature, but so is bringing it up to a forum full of people OP doesn't know, with a video showing what OP is fully aware is bad rolling, with the potential to embarrass. So sounds like it more means you shouldn't date someone like this, not necessarily that OP shouldn't.

My wife doesn't want me dating.

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk

 

[Flying Crane]

Look at that..

Is it possible he s really purple belt??

This video isn’t sitting well with me. My gut tells me something fishy is going on. The OP is a new BJJ student and simply wants her boyfriend, who claims to be a BJJ purple belt, to spar with her. So finally he agrees but there needs to be someone there to film it. Why is that? Why did this need to be filmed? Do ordinary people routinely film their workout sessions? I never have. What do other people do?Was he being deliberately set up, to share the video online? I am simply having a difficult time coming up with a feasible reason why it would have been recorded, that would be consistent with the information shared by the OP.

The second thing is the location. It is difficult to tell, but it almost has the appearance of some mats thrown down on the living room floor or in the garage, and not at the BJJ school. I suppose there isn’t anything necessarily wrong with that, martial instruction can be done in a variety of places, not every school is large and spacious with new and modern equipment. But it strikes me as odd. It is doubtful that the boyfriend has mats of his own, as the story goes he did BJJ years ago and the impression is that he no longer does so. I doubt the OP would have purchased her own mats to use at home, given she is brand new to the training. So was this filmed at the school? With a tiny mat area and an American flag almost on the floor just above the mats?

There are other issues that I don’t want to raise at the moment, but something about this video isn’t sitting right with me. I feel like there is more to the story than we are being told, or this video does not represent what we are being told it does.

My spidey senses are pinging.

 

[Flying Crane]

I think that, given this reads like it was said on an 1st/2nd date, and from how it sounds he tried to move past and not bring it up again, he made a dumb statement trying to impress/relate to his date, and doesn't know how to back out of it.

According to the OP, she has been training about 8 months, and met him 4 months ago. So definitely not a 1st or 2nd date scenario, they have had some time to get to know each other, but still a very new relationship.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

According to the OP, she has been training about 8 months, and met him 4 months ago. So definitely not a 1st or 2nd date scenario, they have had some time to get to know each other, but still a very new relationship.

That's actually what makes me think it's a 1st/2nd date scenario. They met 4 months ago, he said at some point that he trained before this, and there's been enough time for him to continue to find excuses to avoid sparring, before another instance where someone from her BJJ club was also around to help convince him. So some time had passed since he initially made the claim, and if they've only been dating 4 months, that puts it at even earlier in their dating history.

 

[Tony Dismukes]

Yup. Without giving names, I've seen 2 schools near me that claim to teach Jiujitsu (one BJJ specifically, the other gets around it by not specifying style, just saying jiu jitsu and implying it's bjj). This was pre-covid, so I don't remember the specifics, but basically one school taught the "jiujitsu" course separately as a supplemental option, but people advanced in it around the same speed they did the regular classes, so around 3-4 years for bb. I never actually trained there, but get the feeling from that time period a 'purple belt' would actually be a white belt nearing blue.
The other school integrated bjj into their classwork, and advertised as a school that taught kempo and bjj, so the students would claim (and not be corrected) that if they had a black belt in kenpo, they had a black belt in bjj, same with brown, and other belts. The instructor did actually take bjj classes and was a blue belt iirc, and his students were not all that impressive (with bjj, their kempo was fine).

Sigh. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I guess some people are in for a big shock if they ever visit a real BJJ school.

 

[CB Jones]

Yeah, but you probably didn't take her into the locker room after that game. But, then again....

When we were in our twenties by best friend used to tell girls he was a taxidermist. And he studied up on it so he could continue the BS. Man, he picked up more women.

And I still don't get how.

True.

One of the rules of undercover work is that your cover story is always based on your actual knowledge.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Sigh. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I guess some people are in for a big shock if they ever visit a real BJJ school.

It's the 80s all over again, starting up. Same way some karate students were in a big shock the first time they went to a boxing/kickboxing gym.

 

[Steve]

psst. Guys. I think she’s gone.

 

[Steve]

It's the 80s all over again, starting up. Same way some karate students were in a big shock the first time they went to a boxing/kickboxing gym.

Hey I’m all for going back to the 80s. I’d spend more time in the boxing gym and less time carousing with other drunk airmen.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

psst. Guys. I think she’s gone.

Has that ever stopped us?

 

[Steve]

Has that ever stopped us?

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve tickled this for 10 years from now so I can resurrect the thread to ask how things worked out. I’m thinking something like, “Well it’s been 10 years. How are you two doing now that you’re both black belts?”

 

[Xue Sheng]

Yup shows up on monday and 3.5 hours later reads the response, post and never post again...and based on the responses she probably dumped the guy...who then spiraled into depression and alcoholism.... lost his home, and job... had to resort to living in his car...until he was beaten, robbed AND has his car stolen.....and while lying there all the while wished he had not lied about the purple belt and dreaming of what COULD have been......that and it could have come in handy saving his car......... but alas took up a life of crime...got caught stealing candy from babies and eating directly out of the buffet...... then thrown in jail and is now spending 3 to 5 in san quentin state prison...where he will get into weight lifting and BJJ..... the irony

 

[Buka]

Yup shows up on monday and 3.5 hours later reads the response, post and never post again...and based on the responses she probably dumped the guy...who then spiraled into depression and alcoholism.... lost his home, and job... had to resort to living in his car...until he as beaten, robbed AND has his car stolen.....and while lying there all the while wished he had not lied about the purple belt and dreaming of what COULD have been......that and it could have come in handy saving his car......... but alas took up a life of crime...got caught stealing candy from babies and eating directly out of the buffet...... then thrown in jail and is now spending 3 to 5 in san quentin state prison...where he will get into weight lifting and BJJ..... the irony

But then he was approached by another inmate, one who was undercover for the Justice Department, who then made him an offer. It was too good to be true, he wanted it in writing, in blood, then notarized by a gal he knew who worked in a bank and constantly joked "I open my draws for cash."

 

[drop bear]

By the way. I think there are probably worse issues relationships have to face than my boyfriend isn't very good at jujitsu.