boyfriend lying about his purple belt..

Flying Crane

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If you want to confront him for possibly lying to you about his training, then you should have done so privately and in a respectful manner, and then decided where that left your relationship. Instead, you posted a video on a martial arts forum and asked a bunch of strangers to comment on it. That was a very disrespectful thing to do. He ought to break up with you. Maybe he lied, maybe he didnt. Maybe this is actually a video of you and him, maybe it isnt and we are being fed a line of bull ****. But if it is, what you did is unforgivable and doing this has already done irreparable damage to the relationship. If you wanted to cross that line, then you should have simply broken up with him from the start, instead of airing that dirty laundry on the internet. If you two havent broken up yet, then he needs to dump you immediately.
 

CB Jones

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Totally agree.

The lie is bad enough. But to then go into a Jits school and roll? That's just plain stupid.

Meh....I once convinced a girl in college that I was Chipper Jones' younger brother. Lol.

***For the non baseball fans he played third base for the Atlanta Braves.***
 

Monkey Turned Wolf

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So it looks like he went to the trouble of buying a gi and a belt. That makes me wonder if he did have some small amount of training and maybe he just sucks.
Part of what made me add the possible non-lie explanations. Wouldn't be the first time someone is worse than their belt rank would make them seem.
 

lklawson

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If you want to confront him for possibly lying to you about his training, then you should have done so privately and in a respectful manner, and then decided where that left your relationship. Instead, you posted a video on a martial arts forum and asked a bunch of strangers to comment on it. That was a very disrespectful thing to do. He ought to break up with you. Maybe he lied, maybe he didnt. Maybe this is actually a video of you and him, maybe it isnt and we are being fed a line of bull ****. But if it is, what you did is unforgivable and doing this has already done irreparable damage to the relationship. If you wanted to cross that line, then you should have simply broken up with him from the start, instead of airing that dirty laundry on the internet. If you two havent broken up yet, then he needs to dump you immediately.
I don't really agree.

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk
 

drop bear

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So it looks like he went to the trouble of buying a gi and a belt. That makes me wonder if he did have some small amount of training and maybe he just sucks.

And went to the trouble to put it on in a no gi roll.

"Wait. Wait. I can't jujitsu without my uniform"

I used to know a guy who would go to the shops like that. T shirt. Gi pants and black belt.

Just some shopping after training right?

But they train in a gi. So at some point the belt came off. The top came off then the belt went back on.
 

Dirty Dog

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And went to the trouble to put it on in a no gi roll.

"Wait. Wait. I can't jujitsu without my uniform"

I used to know a guy who would go to the shops like that. T shirt. Gi pants and black belt.

Just some shopping after training right?
I've seen a guy in the ER who came in wearing a gi and black belt. I am quite certain he didn't earn it. And not just any gi. It was one of these...

1658865745673.png

But they train in a gi. So at some point the belt came off. The top came off then the belt went back on.
Meh. You can take off the top without removing the belt.
 

JowGaWolf

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OP congrats on your skill sets.

People lie about martial arts skills and belts all the time. It' not unusual to come across someone like that. You probably like BJJ more than your boyfriend, at least in the video you seem to be enjoying it more.

I don't hold the same moral expectation that lying about a belt means a person is lying about other things as well. People lie for different reasons so I wouldn't immediately turn and think that this lie would rank up there with relationship warnings. and high alerts.

No difference if I sat in this chat and said that I run 1 mile every morning. The world isn't going to end. To me it sounds like an Insecurity Lie. The's are lies that people tell in an effort to hide things they are insecure about. You probably just found something he's very insecure about that. He may have a masculinity issue where he has doubts about his own "manliness." That's just a wild guess, but I would be curious to know if his recent losses to you have changed his behavior lol.
 

Buka

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Meh....I once convinced a girl in college that I was Chipper Jones' younger brother. Lol.

***For the non baseball fans he played third base for the Atlanta Braves.***
Yeah, but you probably didn't take her into the locker room after that game. But, then again....

When we were in our twenties by best friend used to tell girls he was a taxidermist. And he studied up on it so he could continue the BS. Man, he picked up more women.

And I still don't get how.
 

JowGaWolf

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Yeah that's exactly the feeling I had. He has never train at all imo
That's what it looks like. He has uncertainty in his movement and I've seen it many times before in striking systems. He had an awkwardness about how he was grabbing and trying to hold you. I don't know if he's uncomfortable going against a female or if his performance changes when he goes against males. But there was definitely an awkwardness that stood out. His movements "seem to be lost and without purpose"
 

JowGaWolf

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If you want to confront him for possibly lying to you about his training, then you should have done so privately and in a respectful manner, and then decided where that left your relationship. Instead, you posted a video on a martial arts forum and asked a bunch of strangers to comment on it. That was a very disrespectful thing to do. He ought to break up with you.
Wow I thought I was the serious one. It's not a big deal for me. If the video is fake then , it will leave a bad taste in the mouth of some who posted. If the video is real, then it wasn't disrespectful to post it here. Like even now many of the comment's have moved away from the actual video and moved into speculation about someone we don't know.

I'm about to go play some Call of Duty Warzone so in about 10 minutes from now. All of this will have the importance of forgotten memory about the last thing that I didn't care much about beyond the comments that I made.

If the video is real and OP is real then maybe the OP was just excited about her skill sets. Lesson of the video if the situation is real should be. "Don't write a check your mouth can't cash." "Don't lie about the skills you have, someone may test you."
 

Flying Crane

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Wow I thought I was the serious one. It's not a big deal for me. If the video is fake then , it will leave a bad taste in the mouth of some who posted. If the video is real, then it wasn't disrespectful to post it here. Like even now many of the comment's have moved away from the actual video and moved into speculation about someone we don't know.

I'm about to go play some Call of Duty Warzone so in about 10 minutes from now. All of this will have the importance of forgotten memory about the last thing that I didn't care much about beyond the comments that I made.

If the video is real and OP is real then maybe the OP was just excited about her skill sets. Lesson of the video if the situation is real should be. "Don't write a check your mouth can't cash." "Don't lie about the skills you have, someone may test you."
None of this matters to me either. I just had a very nice hike with my son, had actually forgotten this thread until I popped back in to see whats happening.

In light of the freely given advice they she ought to dump him, I think there is an argument at least as good, that he ought to dump her.
 

lklawson

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Of course that is perfectly ok. I am curious though: about which part?
Well, pretty much most of your propositions. I've seen a bunch of relationship and I've never seen questions about one partner's truthfulness ever resolved gracefully by "private and respectful manner" and such. Sure, it's "nicer" but it never makes a difference in the end. I also disagree that posting the video here was particularly "disrespectful." And I most certainly don't see the OP's actions in posting this thread in the first place or the associated video as particularly egregious, never mind "unforgivable" as you concluded. Nor do I see the boyfriend as an especially aggrieved party who "needs to dump [her] immediately." If we're assuming the OP isn't just trolling us, then it seems most likely to me that the boyfriend is lying and has been all along and honestly, lying about something pretty petty. Maybe he's just suffering Testosterone Poisoning but, again, my experience is that people who will lie about these sort of things in order to gain unearned standing in a social group, or worse, to get in some girl's pants, simply aren't trustworthy. Maybe he could be trustworthy in 5 or 10 years, if he matures past this, but right now... no. Right now, it's a douchey lie. Now if the OP wants to stay with him 'cuz he's hot, has a Big Johnson, or just because (for reasons I can't explain) some women seem to be drawn to douchy guys, whatever. But I really don't agree with any of your main positions. Guy's a liar. Break it off. Done. Easy-peasy. :)

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk
 

Monkey Turned Wolf

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Well, pretty much most of your propositions. I've seen a bunch of relationship and I've never seen questions about one partner's truthfulness ever resolved gracefully by "private and respectful manner" and such.
That makes sense to me, and does nothing to really disprove flying crane's point. If questions about someone's truthfulness were handled privately, you would not have seen the questions or even known there was an issue to resolve. Most people who can resolve those issues privately don't need to air their dirty laundry to friends/families.
If we're assuming the OP isn't just trolling us, then it seems most likely to me that the boyfriend is lying and has been all along and honestly, lying about something pretty petty. Maybe he's just suffering Testosterone Poisoning but, again, my experience is that people who will lie about these sort of things in order to gain unearned standing in a social group, or worse, to get in some girl's pants, simply aren't trustworthy. Maybe he could be trustworthy in 5 or 10 years, if he matures past this, but right now... no. Right now, it's a douchey lie. Now if the OP wants to stay with him 'cuz he's hot, has a Big Johnson, or just because (for reasons I can't explain) some women seem to be drawn to douchy guys, whatever. But I really don't agree with any of your main positions. Guy's a liar. Break it off. Done. Easy-peasy. :)
You're making the assumption that he's lying, when we don't know for sure he actually is lying. And giving advice based off that assumption. You're also assuming people either are, or aren't, liars. I don't think I've met anyone who can claim they've never told a lie. That doesn't mean that they lie often (or that they don't), but one lie that may not be a lie does not mean he's a liar who OP should dump with no further context on our end.

It doesn't necessarily mean it's not a red flag, with more context than what we have, but that's why any advice from us in this regard is pretty useless.
 

Tony Dismukes

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The second thing is there are sites that teach online, and give rank out. The most well known only gives online rank to blue belt, but I would be very surprised if there were not ones that give up to purple or higher as well, in BJJ.
Im reasonably tuned in to the greater BJJ community and Im not aware of any such site. It was a source of significant controversy when Ryron & Rener Gracie were awarding ranks through video evaluation via their Gracie University, and they were pressured to change that to only award what they call a technical blue belt indicating a student could demonstrate techniques to a certain standard. If there was another organization offering higher ranks via online instruction, I would probably have heard about it.
There are some schools that add BJJ to their curriculum, despite the instructor not actually knowing it/knowing it well. So a TKD or WC school can claim to also teach BJJ, teach it really badly, but also rank people in it. And don't get found out as long as they don't have open mats or go to tournaments.
This seems plausible, but I havent heard of any particular incidents. Are you aware of any schools which are actually doing this?
 

Flying Crane

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Well, pretty much most of your propositions. I've seen a bunch of relationship and I've never seen questions about one partner's truthfulness ever resolved gracefully by "private and respectful manner" and such. Sure, it's "nicer" but it never makes a difference in the end. I also disagree that posting the video here was particularly "disrespectful." And I most certainly don't see the OP's actions in posting this thread in the first place or the associated video as particularly egregious, never mind "unforgivable" as you concluded. Nor do I see the boyfriend as an especially aggrieved party who "needs to dump [her] immediately." If we're assuming the OP isn't just trolling us, then it seems most likely to me that the boyfriend is lying and has been all along and honestly, lying about something pretty petty. Maybe he's just suffering Testosterone Poisoning but, again, my experience is that people who will lie about these sort of things in order to gain unearned standing in a social group, or worse, to get in some girl's pants, simply aren't trustworthy. Maybe he could be trustworthy in 5 or 10 years, if he matures past this, but right now... no. Right now, it's a douchey lie. Now if the OP wants to stay with him 'cuz he's hot, has a Big Johnson, or just because (for reasons I can't explain) some women seem to be drawn to douchy guys, whatever. But I really don't agree with any of your main positions. Guy's a liar. Break it off. Done. Easy-peasy. :)

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk
Fair enough, we agree to disagree.

I agree that she may have good reason to dump him if he is indeed lying. But she should have simply done so or at least conducted her investigation in a more private manner before making that decision. The way she handled it, I cant imagine the relationship surviving once he finds out. So he has good reason to dump her as well.

Actually, maybe they deserve each other and they ought to stay together.
 

Flying Crane

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That makes sense to me, and does nothing to really disprove flying crane's point. If questions about someone's truthfulness were handled privately, you would not have seen the questions or even known there was an issue to resolve. Most people who can resolve those issues privately don't need to air their dirty laundry to friends/families.
Airing it to family and friends is one thing. She did it to a whole bunch of strangers on the internet, including posting a video without his knowledge, that practically invites scoffing and ridicule. He will find out that she did this, and when he does, I cannot imagine any way the relationship survives. Once she did that, she condemned the relationship to failure and she gave up any claim to the moral high ground. She is as douchey as he might be.

And as you point out, we dont even know with certainty that he lied. He might simply be not very good. And that video was very brief, all of 17 seconds, I would be reluctant to draw any conclusions from it, it simply shows very little and without any context. Hell, maybe he simply thought he needed to allow his new girlfriend to win so she doesnt think he is a hyper-competitive testosterone-driven a-hole.
 
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Monkey Turned Wolf

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This seems plausible, but I havent heard of any particular incidents. Are you aware of any schools which are actually doing this?
Yup. Without giving names, I've seen 2 schools near me that claim to teach Jiujitsu (one BJJ specifically, the other gets around it by not specifying style, just saying jiu jitsu and implying it's bjj). This was pre-covid, so I don't remember the specifics, but basically one school taught the "jiujitsu" course separately as a supplemental option, but people advanced in it around the same speed they did the regular classes, so around 3-4 years for bb. I never actually trained there, but get the feeling from that time period a 'purple belt' would actually be a white belt nearing blue.
The other school integrated bjj into their classwork, and advertised as a school that taught kempo and bjj, so the students would claim (and not be corrected) that if they had a black belt in kenpo, they had a black belt in bjj, same with brown, and other belts. The instructor did actually take bjj classes and was a blue belt iirc, and his students were not all that impressive (with bjj, their kempo was fine).
 

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