FearlessFreep
Senior Master
I guess I just coined that phrase but I ran into a guy tonight who reminded me of dads who push their kids really hard in baseball, sometimes I think because they are trying to relive their childhood, or live their failed childhood dreams or something, through their children.
I ran into this after class today. The first class is a 'black and pre-black' sparring and it's mostly kids but it's the class I was told about when I asked about sparring (althoug there might have been some mixup in language, but I've been going to the class since last November) I'm the only adult in the class and I just assumed it was because there are not that many older colored belts in the school and I was currently the only one who had sparring desire and experience. Note: at my old school in Albuequerque, we spared all ranks/ages against each other. My 10 yo daughter, as a green belt, sparred a 6'2" green belt man and our black belt teacher, so mixing ages, sizes, and ranks is something I take as given. I sparred one kid today, a 14 kid (black belt), but big for his age. At one point I was urged to use more control, which I'm okay with. I was not hitting him at full force, I was hitting him with the same power I use for my 13 yo (blue belt) son and I figured if my son could take that level, this kid could, who was much bigger. When I spar my younger girls, I use much lighter contact because they are younger and smaller.
OK, that's back story
After that class, one of the parent (who son is 11,very slight, and a BB) started saying to me that he didn't think it was appropriate for me, as only a colored belt (and throughout the ensuing conversation, or diatribe, he kept referring to me as being 'only a colored belt' with a corresponding lack of control. I mean, when I see the difference between me and the BBs around me, I do see a big difference in control and balance and that to me is the biggest thing I have to work on the next few years, but I'm no idiot and I do exercise self-control in trying not to beat up children) and an adult in a class of mostly BB children and some colored-belt children. This kinda came as a suprise and I was about to explain that I came to this class because it wa suggested and allowed by my teacher and that I didn't realize it was only for children and that if it was a problem I could stop coming. I didn't get a word in to explain all that because one of the other parents stepped in to defend me to say "I disagree with you on that" and that set the first parent (The "Black Belt Dad" or BBD) off and he started saying how I shouldn't be in the class because it was dangerous ("only a colored belt"...at one point he reached over and flipped the tips of my bet up and practically sneered it. I have never seen *anyone* in a dojang act wih such disdain and simple lack of curteousy to anyone simply for their rank)
But then he seemed to really get hot into what was bothering him. Apparently his son only comes to the Friday night sparring class (never see him in any other classes but there are a lot of students I don't see) and is also attending some other classes or training because he kept saying things like "my son trains with the USTA team" or people from the USTA team or National Team or something like that. I didn't pick up too much on it because this was now between him and the school owner. It seems that he was really upset that his son didn't get to spar enough (we did drills and then round robin sparring two at a time which meant everyone got a slice of time and he didn't seem to think it was enough for his son...he didn't seem to realize that his son got as much or as little as everyone else in the class....actually more because the instructor spent time with him alone and me alone doing random pad kick drills were we could go full power and speed against a moving target using a randomly called strike). He also was upset that the time he spent sparring was against the other older kid (the one I had sparred against) and they were asked to go 'light contact', partially because of the weight/height difference but I also assume because the instructor was targetting specific techniques and wanted more focus on control and technique then power. The BBD was saying "c'mon, they're both back belts, they've been sparring each other for a long time. What's this 'light contact' stuff?" And going on how he had his son in the class out of respect for the teachers experience but he wasn't paying money for him to come to class and not spar enough or to be sparring light contact.
Basically, he came across as thinking his son was special and deserved to be given certain training and treatment (I guess at exclusion to the other sudents, because to give his son what he seemed to want would've cost the other students training time as well) and seemed to allude that some of it was my fault for being there (as apparently my presence, according to him, had distrupted everything, although not according to some other parents). On the one hand he was seeming to be trying to say he was honoring the istructor by bringing his son there and yet was disrespecting him at the same time by yelling at him in front of the other students and parents and challlenging his training methods (note: the BBD does not train or have rank or anything). He ended up taking back a tuition check he dropped off that night and I guess has quit the school. I feel bad because I think I contributed to it but mostly out of possible misunderstanding and not having a chance to apologize or explain.
But I guess he's what I would call a "Black Belt Dad" in that he lives his life through the achievment of his son, which is sad.
The son? I don't know him and haven't talked to him so I have nothing against him At that age most of what kids do is because of their parents and teachers anyway so it's hard to hold anything against someone that young. As far as TKD? Well, it's hard for me to judge someone more advanced and yet much younger/smaller than me because I have little context. I thought he was quick and had quick attacks and foot movement. He also tended to be very linear. I did spar him once last month and threw a spinning sidekick that totally caught him off and I only bumped him and did not extend my kick (if I had, he wouldve probably been dead) he didn't seem to react well to certain attacks. Nor in watching him was he very quick on his own spining kicks. Very one dimensional. What really struck me, though was that he had two habits that I *know* he didn't get from our instructor. (or three) One was standing in a very deep long stance. Two, he tends to keep his hands down to his side, not up in defense. Those two I think aare bad technique that he can get away with until he gets heavier (on the stance and realizes that it's harder to come up and kick from a deep stance when you get heavier) and older (when you run into age brackets that allow kicks to the head and more experienced opponents that will take advantage of low hands to do double kicks and feints and such designed to go high anyway). The third is that his ki-ap does not come with the strike toaid power but comes after the strike and his long and drawn out and seems more like a victory yell for the hit than a ki-ap, which is either useless or poor sportsmanship, depending on your point of view. I guess the kids has potential but most kids that age who are pushed have 'potential', but he also has the potential to have some very bad habits come and get him as he gets older
anyway, sorry...was a rough night emotionally. I didn't say or do anything through his tirade but it's a bit hard not to feel it when some guy gets mad at you for being there and than mad at your instructor for trying to treat the students equally and fairly and then walks out and quits...in front of his son and the rest of the students and parents.
I ran into this after class today. The first class is a 'black and pre-black' sparring and it's mostly kids but it's the class I was told about when I asked about sparring (althoug there might have been some mixup in language, but I've been going to the class since last November) I'm the only adult in the class and I just assumed it was because there are not that many older colored belts in the school and I was currently the only one who had sparring desire and experience. Note: at my old school in Albuequerque, we spared all ranks/ages against each other. My 10 yo daughter, as a green belt, sparred a 6'2" green belt man and our black belt teacher, so mixing ages, sizes, and ranks is something I take as given. I sparred one kid today, a 14 kid (black belt), but big for his age. At one point I was urged to use more control, which I'm okay with. I was not hitting him at full force, I was hitting him with the same power I use for my 13 yo (blue belt) son and I figured if my son could take that level, this kid could, who was much bigger. When I spar my younger girls, I use much lighter contact because they are younger and smaller.
OK, that's back story
After that class, one of the parent (who son is 11,very slight, and a BB) started saying to me that he didn't think it was appropriate for me, as only a colored belt (and throughout the ensuing conversation, or diatribe, he kept referring to me as being 'only a colored belt' with a corresponding lack of control. I mean, when I see the difference between me and the BBs around me, I do see a big difference in control and balance and that to me is the biggest thing I have to work on the next few years, but I'm no idiot and I do exercise self-control in trying not to beat up children) and an adult in a class of mostly BB children and some colored-belt children. This kinda came as a suprise and I was about to explain that I came to this class because it wa suggested and allowed by my teacher and that I didn't realize it was only for children and that if it was a problem I could stop coming. I didn't get a word in to explain all that because one of the other parents stepped in to defend me to say "I disagree with you on that" and that set the first parent (The "Black Belt Dad" or BBD) off and he started saying how I shouldn't be in the class because it was dangerous ("only a colored belt"...at one point he reached over and flipped the tips of my bet up and practically sneered it. I have never seen *anyone* in a dojang act wih such disdain and simple lack of curteousy to anyone simply for their rank)
But then he seemed to really get hot into what was bothering him. Apparently his son only comes to the Friday night sparring class (never see him in any other classes but there are a lot of students I don't see) and is also attending some other classes or training because he kept saying things like "my son trains with the USTA team" or people from the USTA team or National Team or something like that. I didn't pick up too much on it because this was now between him and the school owner. It seems that he was really upset that his son didn't get to spar enough (we did drills and then round robin sparring two at a time which meant everyone got a slice of time and he didn't seem to think it was enough for his son...he didn't seem to realize that his son got as much or as little as everyone else in the class....actually more because the instructor spent time with him alone and me alone doing random pad kick drills were we could go full power and speed against a moving target using a randomly called strike). He also was upset that the time he spent sparring was against the other older kid (the one I had sparred against) and they were asked to go 'light contact', partially because of the weight/height difference but I also assume because the instructor was targetting specific techniques and wanted more focus on control and technique then power. The BBD was saying "c'mon, they're both back belts, they've been sparring each other for a long time. What's this 'light contact' stuff?" And going on how he had his son in the class out of respect for the teachers experience but he wasn't paying money for him to come to class and not spar enough or to be sparring light contact.
Basically, he came across as thinking his son was special and deserved to be given certain training and treatment (I guess at exclusion to the other sudents, because to give his son what he seemed to want would've cost the other students training time as well) and seemed to allude that some of it was my fault for being there (as apparently my presence, according to him, had distrupted everything, although not according to some other parents). On the one hand he was seeming to be trying to say he was honoring the istructor by bringing his son there and yet was disrespecting him at the same time by yelling at him in front of the other students and parents and challlenging his training methods (note: the BBD does not train or have rank or anything). He ended up taking back a tuition check he dropped off that night and I guess has quit the school. I feel bad because I think I contributed to it but mostly out of possible misunderstanding and not having a chance to apologize or explain.
But I guess he's what I would call a "Black Belt Dad" in that he lives his life through the achievment of his son, which is sad.
The son? I don't know him and haven't talked to him so I have nothing against him At that age most of what kids do is because of their parents and teachers anyway so it's hard to hold anything against someone that young. As far as TKD? Well, it's hard for me to judge someone more advanced and yet much younger/smaller than me because I have little context. I thought he was quick and had quick attacks and foot movement. He also tended to be very linear. I did spar him once last month and threw a spinning sidekick that totally caught him off and I only bumped him and did not extend my kick (if I had, he wouldve probably been dead) he didn't seem to react well to certain attacks. Nor in watching him was he very quick on his own spining kicks. Very one dimensional. What really struck me, though was that he had two habits that I *know* he didn't get from our instructor. (or three) One was standing in a very deep long stance. Two, he tends to keep his hands down to his side, not up in defense. Those two I think aare bad technique that he can get away with until he gets heavier (on the stance and realizes that it's harder to come up and kick from a deep stance when you get heavier) and older (when you run into age brackets that allow kicks to the head and more experienced opponents that will take advantage of low hands to do double kicks and feints and such designed to go high anyway). The third is that his ki-ap does not come with the strike toaid power but comes after the strike and his long and drawn out and seems more like a victory yell for the hit than a ki-ap, which is either useless or poor sportsmanship, depending on your point of view. I guess the kids has potential but most kids that age who are pushed have 'potential', but he also has the potential to have some very bad habits come and get him as he gets older
anyway, sorry...was a rough night emotionally. I didn't say or do anything through his tirade but it's a bit hard not to feel it when some guy gets mad at you for being there and than mad at your instructor for trying to treat the students equally and fairly and then walks out and quits...in front of his son and the rest of the students and parents.
It seems like in the end, everything worked out. Again, this was not a slam on you by any means. As long as you attended the class and got something out of it, that is all that matters.:asian: 
