Sifu is pissed off.

[Bill Mattocks]

Wow.

I believe you about someone calling your instructor. Someone has called mine too, to tell on me for something I posted here, and I'm 55 years old. Amazing how entitled some people feel. I've also had them figure where I work and call my boss, but not from this forum; it was a long time ago.

As to the rest of it, it reads like a dime novel. Entertaining, but...really?

 

[Ironbear24]

Wow.

I believe you about someone calling your instructor. Someone has called mine too, to tell on me for something I posted here, and I'm 55 years old. Amazing how entitled some people feel. I've also had them figure where I work and call my boss, but not from this forum; it was a long time ago.

As to the rest of it, it reads like a dime novel. Entertaining, but...really?

Wow. Some people are really something. I am no Steven king or M.night Shamylan. Sorry if it kind of was meh.

 

[Tames D]

No offense Ironbear, but you are the type of guy I avoid these days when I'm at a public function or event. I'm older now and I've learned to walk away.

 

[Ironbear24]

No offense Ironbear, but you are the type of guy I avoid these days when I'm at a public function or event. I'm older now and I've learned to walk away.

I'm sorry you feel that way. No offense was taken.

 

[jks9199]

He attacked me first though, even though I kind of egged him on. You know what never mind, I should have just ignored that idiot.

There were girls there and they probably would have thought I am a wuss or something but oh well, I already have one that's better than them.

Yep -- YOU egged him on. YOU had opportunities to retreat and to leave the scene. YOU did sufficient damage to draw blood, break his glasses... and that's enough, in VA, to qualify for malicious wounding. Is it likely given all the circumstances? Probably not -- unless someone pushes it, or it's the 2nd or 3rd time the cop's responded to your "self defense" after creating the mess, or you otherwise have a reputation of being a hot head and trouble maker.

"There were girls..." Those words alone tell me who was in the driver seat during the exchange. And those words have probably been second only to "hey, hold my beer a second" for leading to trouble through history...

 

[Dirty Dog]

So apparently an anonymous caller told him about "how I beat up a middle aged man who is out of shape." This led to a long talk about fighting and he asked me honestly is this a habit of mine.

Good for him.

I told him about the other two incidents and he told me to take off the top of my gi and give it back to him. Since he doesnt want the dojos emblem to be associated with me.

Again good for him.

I tried to make my own case and explain to him but he just wouldn't hear it. He didn't even let me finish talking so I tried talking over him to get a word in and that just annoyed him.

You do not have a case to make. You behaved like a giant douchenozzle.

So he said if you want it back, spar me for it. Obviously I was reluctant to do that because he is better than I am, I foolishly agreed to it. It turned out pretty bad for me, I got lots of bruises on my body and eventually I balled up when I got tossed to the floor to try and stop his strikes.

So, basically, you are just a bully. You're quick to hurt others, but back down quick when it's your butt that is about to get whupped.

 

[Ironbear24]

So, basically, you are just a bully. You're quick to hurt others, but back down quick when it's your butt that is about to get whupped.

Its not like I was taking candy from children or beating up old grannies for their purses. I get that I did wrong here but cmon, I feel like you are given me just a little too much heat here.

I lasted an entire 15 something seconds, I got whooped on, I will admit it. At least I lasted the 15 seconds though, glass half full attitude right?

 

[JowGaWolf]

Wow.

I believe you about someone calling your instructor. Someone has called mine too, to tell on me for something I posted here, and I'm 55 years old. Amazing how entitled some people feel. I've also had them figure where I work and call my boss, but not from this forum; it was a long time ago.

As to the rest of it, it reads like a dime novel. Entertaining, but...really?

lol... I always mind my post, not because I'm scared that it'll get back to my Sifu, but it's because I know it will get back to him lol Not only my Sifu but also to another Sifu from another school.

That and my signature makes it easy for things to get back to them. lol.

 

[JowGaWolf]

Its not like I was taking candy from children or beating up old grannies for their purses. I get that I did wrong here but cmon, I feel like you are given me just a little too much heat here.

I lasted an entire 15 something seconds, I got whooped on, I will admit it. At least I lasted the 15 seconds though, glass half full attitude right?

Nah.. your glass was almost empty.. That was 15 seconds of him teaching you a lesson and not 15 seconds of him fighting you with the same intensity that is used in self-defense. Totally different.

 

[Ironbear24]

Nah.. your glass was almost empty.. That was 15 seconds of him teaching you a lesson and not 15 seconds of him fighting you with the same intensity that is used in self-defense. Totally different.

That lesson hurt.

 

[Chris Parker]

Son, the reason you lasted 15 seconds was that he wanted you to last 15 seconds. Get that through your head.

Look, I've avoided posting on your threads, because it would always sound something like this, and I wasn't sure if there was enough evidence before, but now, you've really left little to no doubt whatsoever.

You're a child. Grow the hell up.

Like JKS, I've been reading pretty well all of your posts and threads… and frankly, you have some major issues with your ego and deep seated insecurities. You always want to seem strong, powerful, cool, whatever, but are also always scared that you're not being seen that way. This is then combined with a real entitlement attitude, where you expect everything to always cater for you, and you alone, regardless of anyone else or anyone else's needs. That needs to go immediately. You're not special. You're not even good. You frankly deserve nothing, as you've earned nothing (in terms of accommodation, respect, or similar).

Your behaviour is deplorable, and the fact that you come here to discuss it (seemingly to seek approval and some kind of validation that you were in the right… you weren't) is both immature, and downright stupid. Let's say one of your "sparring fights" leads to someone wanting to press charges against you… there's now a hell of a lot of evidence of your behaviour and attitudes right here… in your own words. Do you really think any prosecutor worth anything won't use these against you? And no, a pseudonym online won't stop anything… someone has already figured out who you are, where you train, and contacted your instructor. Simply from a legal standpoint, you've shot yourself in the foot.

You've had threads about how you don't like the rules of your school… you don't like the rules on who can spar, and who can't, to the point that you whined to your instructor getting them to make an exception for you… then spat in his face by having so little control you injured another (younger, smaller) student. You've complained that you can't wear your own customised uniform (without sleeves, as you wanted to "show off your arms"… dude, get over yourself… your arms aren't really impressive at all, son), because again you wanted to be special and show off what you think is a good feature. You're not special. You're not even good.

Now we've gotten to this point… where things have come to the attention of your instructor. Quite simply, he wasn't happy having his name dragged through the mud by having you associated with him, and set about to teach you a lesson (honestly, I'm not going to call it harsh, as it wasn't from my perspective) by firstly putting you in the position of your victims (and yes, that's what they were), and giving you a taste of what they felt like. This was followed by asking if you understood (apparently, you didn't), and giving you an alternate way to deal with someone who says something you didn't like… which you didn't grasp either. In the end, you're damn lucky to not simply be kicked out of the school (it would certainly be what I would have done)… and you're going to be watched very closely from now on… one step out of line, and you're out, I'd suggest.

But the problem is, you still don't get it. You still don't see what you were taught, and you still don't see what you've been told here since you began. Your entire first post is you basically looking for us to tell you it's alright, you've taken your lumps and it's all good now (it's not), or that your teacher was wrong in how they dealt with you (he wasn't), or that you were good and impressive for lasting like you did (you weren't)… combined with a range of comments that show that you were unable to actually follow what happened, or have the humility to see the error of your ways.

I'm going to go through your original post, and highlight the problems in your comments… as they are indications of exactly what your problems are:

So apparently an anonymous caller told him about "how I beat up a middle aged man who is out of shape." This led to a long talk about fighting and he asked me honestly is this a habit of mine.

I told him about the other two incidents and he told me to take off the top of my gi and give it back to him. Since he doesnt want the dojos emblem to be associated with me.

I tried to make my own case and explain to him but he just wouldn't hear it. He didn't even let me finish talking so I tried talking over him to get a word in and that just annoyed him.

So, he tried to talk to you about it, and you wouldn't do him the basic courtesy of listening to him… you, by your own admission, "tried talking over him". Dude. You're a student of mine, and you try that, you find out very quickly that it's one of the worst things you could attempt.

So he said if you want it back, spar me for it. Obviously I was reluctant to do that because he is better than I am, I foolishly agreed to it. It turned out pretty bad for me, I got lots of bruises on my body and eventually I balled up when I got tossed to the floor to try and stop his strikes.

You do get that you wouldn't have been beaten up by him if you'd simply listened to what he was saying in the first place, yeah? It wasn't his intention to fight you, it was his intention to get you to think about your behaviour, and take the opportunity to correct it… but you didn't allow that (talking over the top of him). That's why he then took it to sparring… it's seemingly the only language you understand.

He kept telling me "You don't like that do you?" I tried to roll onto my feet and as soon as I did it was back to the floor again. I gassed out, I was angry and spent, I wanted to fight back, I wanted to hurt him because he pissed me off. No matter what I did though nothing worked, it was like drowning.

He's your teacher. He's teaching you. And you wanted to hurt him? Not because he hurt you, but because he pissed you off?!?! Dude, get out of his school right now. You don't deserve him, and he sure as hell doesn't deserve you.

Nothing I did made it any better and just made it worse on myself. Finally he stopped, and he asked me "Was that a fair fight?" I told him "no it wasn't" he said "oh really!? Why isn't it fair?"

I said "because you're a better fighter." He said "so if you don't like that why are you doing that to other people, when you should know better than that?" I didn't know what to say. So he shouted again, "why are you picking fights with people weaker than you?"

I explained to him I didn't do that, then he said "ok, call me a chicken, call me some names and see what I'll do." I did and he said "So what. I don't care. See how easy that is?" Then he got close to me and said "Words do nothing, honor and pride are things you don't understand, things you shouldn't bother with. Right now all they are going to do is get you killed."

Despite your protestations ("I didn't know that I'd win"), you have universally picked people that you know you can manhandle fairly easily… you've expressed that much. So yes, you are picking fights with people "weaker" than you (or less skilled, more out of shape, whatever).

And, do you get what lesson he was trying to give you with his last advice there? Really?

I nodded. He told me that if I wish to continue I can never get in fights again unless my life depends on it. No sparring with idiots at the gym or in its parking lot, and no fights with relatives or anyone.

Did you nod because you understood, or in order to simply stop the lecture?

When he feels I am more mature as he put it, he will give me back the gi jacket. Until then I have to either use just a t shirt or my old gi, but hey at least on the bright side my old gi has no sleeves and looks awesome.

You're a child. The "bright side" here is that you weren't summarily dismissed from the school (I've seen that happen for far less than your transgressions, son). Wearing your little kids uniform with it's "extra-tuff" sleeveless look, especially when that exact look was not allowed previously, is just you ignoring what actually happened. So yes, you really do need to grow up and become a hell of a lot more mature. I mean, you're 27, dude. Stop acting like a 14 year old.

I am honestly thankful I am still allowed to go back after all that. That was pretty scary and I've never experienced something like that before. It was pretty embarrassing too, luckily though he did it on a day only a couple of people showed up to class.

And, again, you're simply focused on how you looked… "lucky there were only a couple of people there"… It's good that you got scared… you should be… but you also need to take the lessons as given to heart… as you've missed them entirely. Do you even get what empathy is?

Frankly, kid, despite my signature, you get no respect from me. You show no respect to anyone else, from your girlfriend to your instructor, to anyone else. My advice would be to leave the school as gracefully as you can, thank your instructor for opening your eyes to your behaviour, and take some real time off to come to terms with just how much of a bully and a jerk you've been to everyone. Martial arts are not your life… feeling powerful and strong is what you're after due to some pretty deep-set insecurities and self esteem issues. That's not what the martial arts are for, or about. Your "obsessive" training regime is not anything to do with you being dedicated to martial arts, it's about you running scared from feelings of inadequacy.

Leave the martial arts, at least until you grow up, and seek some therapy. You need it.

 

[The Great Gigsy]

Based on this incident, as well some other recent posts. Do you think perhaps it may be wise to step away from training for awhile and work on your temper. Because frankly from some of the things you've posted you sound like the type who shouldn't be study a martial art. At least not at this stage of your life.

 

[Ironbear24]

Son, the reason you lasted 15 seconds was that he wanted you to last 15 seconds. Get that through your head.

Look, I've avoided posting on your threads, because it would always sound something like this, and I wasn't sure if there was enough evidence before, but now, you've really left little to no doubt whatsoever.

You're a child. Grow the hell up.

Like JKS, I've been reading pretty well all of your posts and threads… and frankly, you have some major issues with your ego and deep seated insecurities. You always want to seem strong, powerful, cool, whatever, but are also always scared that you're not being seen that way. This is then combined with a real entitlement attitude, where you expect everything to always cater for you, and you alone, regardless of anyone else or anyone else's needs. That needs to go immediately. You're not special. You're not even good. You frankly deserve nothing, as you've earned nothing (in terms of accommodation, respect, or similar).

Your behaviour is deplorable, and the fact that you come here to discuss it (seemingly to seek approval and some kind of validation that you were in the right… you weren't) is both immature, and downright stupid. Let's say one of your "sparring fights" leads to someone wanting to press charges against you… there's now a hell of a lot of evidence of your behaviour and attitudes right here… in your own words. Do you really think any prosecutor worth anything won't use these against you? And no, a pseudonym online won't stop anything… someone has already figured out who you are, where you train, and contacted your instructor. Simply from a legal standpoint, you've shot yourself in the foot.

You've had threads about how you don't like the rules of your school… you don't like the rules on who can spar, and who can't, to the point that you whined to your instructor getting them to make an exception for you… then spat in his face by having so little control you injured another (younger, smaller) student. You've complained that you can't wear your own customised uniform (without sleeves, as you wanted to "show off your arms"… dude, get over yourself… your arms aren't really impressive at all, son), because again you wanted to be special and show off what you think is a good feature. You're not special. You're not even good.

Now we've gotten to this point… where things have come to the attention of your instructor. Quite simply, he wasn't happy having his name dragged through the mud by having you associated with him, and set about to teach you a lesson (honestly, I'm not going to call it harsh, as it wasn't from my perspective) by firstly putting you in the position of your victims (and yes, that's what they were), and giving you a taste of what they felt like. This was followed by asking if you understood (apparently, you didn't), and giving you an alternate way to deal with someone who says something you didn't like… which you didn't grasp either. In the end, you're damn lucky to not simply be kicked out of the school (it would certainly be what I would have done)… and you're going to be watched very closely from now on… one step out of line, and you're out, I'd suggest.

But the problem is, you still don't get it. You still don't see what you were taught, and you still don't see what you've been told here since you began. Your entire first post is you basically looking for us to tell you it's alright, you've taken your lumps and it's all good now (it's not), or that your teacher was wrong in how they dealt with you (he wasn't), or that you were good and impressive for lasting like you did (you weren't)… combined with a range of comments that show that you were unable to actually follow what happened, or have the humility to see the error of your ways.

I'm going to go through your original post, and highlight the problems in your comments… as they are indications of exactly what your problems are:



So, he tried to talk to you about it, and you wouldn't do him the basic courtesy of listening to him… you, by your own admission, "tried talking over him". Dude. You're a student of mine, and you try that, you find out very quickly that it's one of the worst things you could attempt.



You do get that you wouldn't have been beaten up by him if you'd simply listened to what he was saying in the first place, yeah? It wasn't his intention to fight you, it was his intention to get you to think about your behaviour, and take the opportunity to correct it… but you didn't allow that (talking over the top of him). That's why he then took it to sparring… it's seemingly the only language you understand.



He's your teacher. He's teaching you. And you wanted to hurt him? Not because he hurt you, but because he pissed you off?!?! Dude, get out of his school right now. You don't deserve him, and he sure as hell doesn't deserve you.



Despite your protestations ("I didn't know that I'd win"), you have universally picked people that you know you can manhandle fairly easily… you've expressed that much. So yes, you are picking fights with people "weaker" than you (or less skilled, more out of shape, whatever).

And, do you get what lesson he was trying to give you with his last advice there? Really?



Did you nod because you understood, or in order to simply stop the lecture?



You're a child. The "bright side" here is that you weren't summarily dismissed from the school (I've seen that happen for far less than your transgressions, son). Wearing your little kids uniform with it's "extra-tuff" sleeveless look, especially when that exact look was not allowed previously, is just you ignoring what actually happened. So yes, you really do need to grow up and become a hell of a lot more mature. I mean, you're 27, dude. Stop acting like a 14 year old.



And, again, you're simply focused on how you looked… "lucky there were only a couple of people there"… It's good that you got scared… you should be… but you also need to take the lessons as given to heart… as you've missed them entirely. Do you even get what empathy is?

Frankly, kid, despite my signature, you get no respect from me. You show no respect to anyone else, from your girlfriend to your instructor, to anyone else. My advice would be to leave the school as gracefully as you can, thank your instructor for opening your eyes to your behaviour, and take some real time off to come to terms with just how much of a bully and a jerk you've been to everyone. Martial arts are not your life… feeling powerful and strong is what you're after due to some pretty deep-set insecurities and self esteem issues. That's not what the martial arts are for, or about. Your "obsessive" training regime is not anything to do with you being dedicated to martial arts, it's about you running scared from feelings of inadequacy.

Leave the martial arts, at least until you grow up, and seek some therapy. You need it.

Look man. I am used to people not liking me, it really means nothing to me. No feelings hurt, nothing off my back. Calling me a kid isn't going to bother me, after all to you, I could very well be a kid and it seems that is the case.

Lucky for me, what do kids do? They grow up and become adults. I will continue to my martial arts training because I enjoy martial arts and that will help me come into my own as it has before.

I posted this becuase I wanted to admit to the forum that you all were right. I made mistakes and they were made for stupid reasons. If people choose to give me give me flack or act like they are a figurehead of morality then fine, honestly it's a forum and why would I bother even posting anything if I could be offended by different opinions?

As for the getting angry at my sifu part, I was getting hit pretty hard, that's a natural reaction to get frustrated. In my mind I was thinking "man I'd really like to deck this guy right now." But guess what? I didn't do that for a number of reasons, one because he was in the right and two I asked for it.

Believe it or not I did learn from this, I won't be sparring or fighting wig anyone unless my life or my loved ones are threatened, and I won't spar unless requested to. No more picking sparring matches or fights with people.

 

[Chris Parker]

You should be offended. I'm calling you, an ostensibly grown man of 27, a child. The fact that, whenever anyone says anything like this to you, you respond with "it's all cool, no offence taken" shows that, again, you're doing what you can to preserve your ego, rather than actually hear what you're being told. Yes, children grow up and become adults… but usually some 10 or so years before they're nearing 30.

You've learnt nothing.

 

[Ironbear24]

Well I don't what to tell you other than I am not offended by it. I've honesty been called worse things before so to me it's like water off my back.

 

[Chris Parker]

That's part of your problem. You're not listening to what you're being told. I'm not telling you you should be angry with me… I'm saying that this is the way you present yourself, the way you come across, and the way you are… the fact that you're told that by myself, and others (and worse, apparently), combined with the fact that you seem to have the same recurring problems, should (at some point) start to lead you to some introspection… in other words, if you're being told this by your instructor, people on the forum, and more, then you should be looking at yourself and seeing that yes, you are acting like a child.

You should be offended by yourself. You should be angry with yourself. You should be frustrated with yourself. And you should use this as a wakeup call to actually do something about it… otherwise you're always going to be this kid that no-one respects, no-one wants to deal with, and no-one thinks is anything of value.

You've learnt nothing.

 

[Ironbear24]

What is getting angry about it going to solve? I know I have problems and I am working on them. It isn't going to happen over a few minutes though.

 

[Chris Parker]

You're not getting it. What getting upset about it would show is that it has affected you emotionally (internally)… if you "shake it off", then you haven't actually taken it on board. So, no, I don't think you do get what your problems are, or what would need to be done in order to work on them… as frankly, this behaviour is a form of denial over them in the first place.

This is why I can say you've learnt nothing, as you're not allowing yourself to learn anything.

 

[Ironbear24]

I do know what my problems are. I constantly feel like what I do is never good enough, that's low self-esteem. I constantly seek positive reinforcement from others to help my self esteem problem. (Hence the sparring and fights)

My ego is large and at the same time fragile, I constantly do things to make people think I am strong and tough. Things such as lift weights, during the busiest gym hours so the more people can see how strong I am. I work out on the heavy bag when there are many people in there for the same reasons.

As a result of the ego problem which stems from low self esteem I give people too much power over me. They can basically influence how I feel by calling me weak ect. In short I care way too much about what other people think regarding my abilities when I shouldn't care at all.

Pretty much everything I do is for other people's opinions and first impressions. Wearing tight shirts, wearing sleeveless shirts, flexing too much. The things I do should not be for other people but for myself.

Fight with my uncle and beat him in a Judo match in front of my family, key term, in front of family. If they weren't there at all I probably wouldn't even had done it in the first place. Get in a fight with some douche a party, again, probably would have done nothing if it didn't threaten my ego which must be enormously awesome.

I get it, if you don't believe I get it simply because I am not angry, then I don't know what to tell you.

 

[Chris Parker]

You don't get it. You're parroting what you've been told, but you haven't taken any of it on board. You're like an obese individual saying they know they have a problem as they shovel the fifth cake into their face today. You have a surface understanding, but no deeper. This is why you're not getting angry about this, but do get angry about other things. It's why I can say that you really don't get it, as you don't.

And I get that you don't know what to tell me… it's because you haven't internalised it yet… so you don't see the difference between your list of your issues (as well as the list of some basic manifestations… which you needed to have pointed out to you) and the reality of them as actual problems. At the moment, all you see as a problem is that you don't feel as good as you want to… but that's not the actual problem. The problem is a lot deeper than that… which is why I'm advising to get out of martial arts for a while (all they're doing is acting as a support for your problems… same as the gym… because, if you can feel powerful and worthwhile with that, it makes up for the actual lack of value you see in yourself), and seek therapy.

You're nowhere near understanding your problems yet.