? your own ablity

[swiftpete]

I know what you're going through as i'm feeling the same myself, i've just been graded to 3rd kyu after a few years training, which is good in a way but i do have some doubts about what i can do sometimes. sometimes i can flow really well with my movement and find that my techniques flow out of me with out thinking about them, while sometimes i just seem to feel awkward and i find myself doing my old favourite techniques or sort of stalling a little and just not really managing to do what i wanted to do.

Its worst when i train with my friend, he's a fair bit taller and heavier than me, the biggest person in the class and is very awkward to do some techniques on, he will stand there and scream in pain and stiffen up rather than go with the pain of a lock or the movement of a technique. throwing him is a problem for me, even though i know it shouldn't be about size, simply because he is sort of like a large, tall dead weight! I know it's good to have a resisting partner as it helps to learn and everything, but i really dont enjoy training with him and it has made me doubt my abilities when i am with him as i have trouble doing what i want. other people in the class have the same problem with him sometimes, but it feels lame to have him go with a technique that isnt working and it wouldnt help me, if he did that anyway.
My instructor has said i am on the way towards blackbelt, won't be there for a good while yet obviously, but the trouble i have with him is getting to me. When i train with others in the class i can often manage fine with what i want to do, even the other people that are taller/heavier.
anyone experience anything similar??

 

[Storm]

I understand completely and have just gone through the same thing myself (still am).I just had my grading last weekend and did pass but only just.

I didnt think I was good enough or ready to do it and told my Instructors but they said I was.I cant see a difference between myself and the next grade down even though they say there is.

Even though I passed I feel angry at myself for not having done better and embarressed that what I did wasnt as good as the other person who did the test with me or the others before.

I know that they have all trained longer in this art (the closest one is still a year ahead of me) others are BB in other arts as well, but it doesnt make it feel any better.

I know a pass is a pass but I want more and I certainly expect more of myself. I dont want to just pass, I want to be better and question whether I can be. The point is we are all our own worst critics as the others have said. Doubting your ability is something that everyone does at some stage (some more than others). Its normal!!!

Just dont let your own doubt take over and hinder your learning.