Why did you start? Why did you stop if so? And why did you come back?

Mark1985

White Belt
Joined
May 17, 2016
Messages
15
Reaction score
4
As someone whoi stopped doing martial arts and am know aiming for come back, why did you stop (if so) and why are you coming back? For me, I first started doing Karate because, well, I don't know why. Probably because at age 9 or 10 my parents thought it was a good idea. And I stopped because, well, I was a kid and probably couldn't be bothered any more. As for TKD, I started that at 12/13 because some friends were doing it. And I stopped at age 16 because of laziness mainly and I just wasn't feeling it anymore.

I am coming back because I felt I didn't give them a fair chance and it was always in the back of my mind, but I always found excuses (it costs too much, I work shifts, Game of Thrones is on, etc etc) but now I feel motivated to knuckle down and get back with something I've always wanted to do.

So I want to hear your stories!
 

Bill Mattocks

Sr. Grandmaster
MTS Alumni
Joined
Feb 8, 2009
Messages
15,624
Reaction score
4,429
Location
Michigan
I started training in Wado Ryu in Lakewood, Colorado in about 1988 or so. Trained for about 3 or 4 months, then quit. I can't really say why. It was easier to quit than to keep going, my buddy quit and it wasn't fun without him in the dojo, I was busy, blah blah blah. Just cop-outs and cheap excuses, really.

I started again in Isshin Ryu in 2008 in SE Michigan. Been training ever since. Now I can't stop. I'll be 55 this year - sure wish I had kept at it when I was younger and faster, more flexible, and in better physical shape. But you do what you can and keep on learning.
 

Dirty Dog

MT Senior Moderator
Staff member
Lifetime Supporting Member
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
23,355
Reaction score
9,095
Location
Pueblo West, CO
My (now ex-) wife didn't like the amount of time I spent training. I quit to make her happy.
Didn't make her happy. We divorced.
After I remarried, my wife joined the YMCA and noticed they had a program. She knew I'd spent more than a little time training before we'd met, and suggested we check it out.
That was in 2009. She was promoted to 1st Dan on May 3rd.
 
OP
M

Mark1985

White Belt
Joined
May 17, 2016
Messages
15
Reaction score
4
My (now ex-) wife didn't like the amount of time I spent training. I quit to make her happy.
Didn't make her happy. We divorced.
After I remarried, my wife joined the YMCA and noticed they had a program. She knew I'd spent more than a little time training before we'd met, and suggested we check it out.
That was in 2009. She was promoted to 1st Dan on May 3rd.

Good stuff mate! Which martial art do you both practice?
 
OP
M

Mark1985

White Belt
Joined
May 17, 2016
Messages
15
Reaction score
4
[QUOTE="Bill Mattocks, post: 1761910, member: 19169 I can't really say why. It was easier to quit than to keep going, my buddy quit and it wasn't fun without him in the dojo, I was busy, blah blah blah. Just cop-outs and cheap excuses, really. [/QUOTE]


Oh I know that feeling!
 

JowGaWolf

Sr. Grandmaster
MT Mentor
Joined
Aug 3, 2015
Messages
13,954
Reaction score
5,842
wife didn't like the amount of time I spent training.
This is a huge problem for women. I'm not sure why, but it's a pain. I think I would have the same problem had it not been for my wife trying Kung Fu. I told her that she should give it an honest try for at least 2 months and if she still doesn't like it, then can quit, and I won't train as much. That was about 2 years ago and now the only thing I hear about Kung Fu from her is how wants to get better at it. She originally took it for exercise, but now that other classmates are commenting on her strength and about her stance being strong. She's starting to take a lot of pride in her own development beyond just exercise.
 

Kenpoguy123

Purple Belt
Joined
Oct 25, 2015
Messages
373
Reaction score
105
I haven't quit exactly I haven't trained in a while because of work. Not being tired but my shits finish at 8 and training starts at 6 so yeah but I still train every day to keep it up
 

JR 137

Grandmaster
Joined
Apr 26, 2015
Messages
5,162
Reaction score
3,224
Location
In the dojo
I started in late '94 and left in late '01. I left to go to graduate school, and planned on returning after graduation. I was a graduate assistant, so I worked full time for the school in exchange for a tuition waiver and a little money. My pay was just enough for rent, food and gas. I couldn't afford to train, and genuinely didn't have the time between work, class, internship, and homework (including thesis).

After I graduated, I trained for a few months. I was just feeling like I was where I left off when i got what seemed like a great job in NYC (2.5 hours away).

I came back to karate about 14 years later. It's been a year and a half. In that 14 years, I got married, got another masters degree, changed careers, had 2 perfect daughters, and moved back home.

I thought about karate every single day while I was away from it. I can honestly say there was no way I could have consistently trained during that time. I'd be making a weak commitment, and I just can't do anything half assed. I missed it, but I certainly don't regret a single decision I made in the whole grand scheme of things. One of my motivators in going back to grad school and changing careers was to be able to consistently train again.
 

ks - learning to fly

Senior Master
Joined
Mar 25, 2012
Messages
3,916
Reaction score
630
Location
Minnesota USA
I haven't quit and don't plan to - I started in 2009 partly because after getting
jumped in 2003, I decided I didn't want to be scared anymore.
 

Buka

Sr. Grandmaster
Staff member
MT Mentor
Joined
Jun 27, 2011
Messages
12,952
Reaction score
10,443
Location
Maui
Started in 1970. And in the last few years, found a forum family. So far, so good, I guess. :)
 

Blindside

Grandmaster
Founding Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2001
Messages
5,175
Reaction score
849
Location
Kennewick, WA
Started when I was 12 because my best friend had started the class, trained for about 3 years and quit because of high school distractions. Started again in college for a couple of years and quit because of the college distractions of classes and parties and women. Started again after graduation and haven't quit since which makes it about 19 years now.
 

Tez3

Sr. Grandmaster
Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2006
Messages
27,608
Reaction score
4,901
Location
England
This is a huge problem for women.

Excuse me? A huge problem for 'women'? let's look at this shall we? Husband and wife both work, they have children, wife also looks after children, does the housework, the shopping, the laundry, runs the kids to their clubs/sports, the husband trains martial arts and that's it, you don't see this may cause problems? Perhaps the wife would like to pursue a hobby/sport or even... gasp... martial arts. I dare say some women have the odd idea that if married they'd like to see their husbands once in while and not sandwiched between work, martial arts and the pub.
The answer is balance, a balanced partnership each taking a share in everything so everyone gets to go to work, do the mundane things AND pursue an activity that makes them happy. 'Women' don't have a problem with it, they have a problem with a man who has a problem with it.
 
OP
M

Mark1985

White Belt
Joined
May 17, 2016
Messages
15
Reaction score
4
Wouldn't say it's a problem with women, but with certain people (male or female). My gf tolerates a LOT when it comes to my sporting endeavours. Ok, they mainly involve drinking beer and shouting at the TV, but...
 

oftheherd1

Senior Master
Joined
May 12, 2011
Messages
4,685
Reaction score
817
Excuse me? A huge problem for 'women'? let's look at this shall we? Husband and wife both work, they have children, wife also looks after children, does the housework, the shopping, the laundry, runs the kids to their clubs/sports, the husband trains martial arts and that's it, you don't see this may cause problems? Perhaps the wife would like to pursue a hobby/sport or even... gasp... martial arts. I dare say some women have the odd idea that if married they'd like to see their husbands once in while and not sandwiched between work, martial arts and the pub.
The answer is balance, a balanced partnership each taking a share in everything so everyone gets to go to work, do the mundane things AND pursue an activity that makes them happy. 'Women' don't have a problem with it, they have a problem with a man who has a problem with it.

I think you are very correct. But I do note that Hapkido is an art that seldom attracts women, and many of those at first attracted, drop out. At least in the Hapkido I studied. Any ideas why that might be so?
 

Tez3

Sr. Grandmaster
Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2006
Messages
27,608
Reaction score
4,901
Location
England
I think you are very correct. But I do note that Hapkido is an art that seldom attracts women, and many of those at first attracted, drop out. At least in the Hapkido I studied. Any ideas why that might be so?

I was asked by quite a few women to run an all female class, the reasons are varied. Often the women feel out of place when they come in to a gym/school for the first time, there can be a very macho 'appearance' about martial arts, they can feel intimidated even if there are women training. Women often want to train with a friend, if they don't have one that wants to do martial arts they won't come by themselves. Tiredness is a big factor for many women especially with jobs and children, as much as you'd love to train you are too knackered. Childcare comes into it as well, if they are single parents or have a partner who is working shifts or doing something else it's hard to get a babysitter, often expensive.
Many martial arts emphasise fighting, sparring in their advertising, this can put women off even if they want to fight or spar because it's perceived they will be up against men who will batter them. Perceptions count for a lot. White Gi trousers, you might not think that could put women off but it does.
I don't know much about Hapkido to be honest so can't tell you if it puts women off as a style or not, sorry. Have a look at it from a woman's point of view and see what you think?
 

oftheherd1

Senior Master
Joined
May 12, 2011
Messages
4,685
Reaction score
817
I was asked by quite a few women to run an all female class, the reasons are varied. Often the women feel out of place when they come in to a gym/school for the first time, there can be a very macho 'appearance' about martial arts, they can feel intimidated even if there are women training. Women often want to train with a friend, if they don't have one that wants to do martial arts they won't come by themselves. Tiredness is a big factor for many women especially with jobs and children, as much as you'd love to train you are too knackered. Childcare comes into it as well, if they are single parents or have a partner who is working shifts or doing something else it's hard to get a babysitter, often expensive.
Many martial arts emphasise fighting, sparring in their advertising, this can put women off even if they want to fight or spar because it's perceived they will be up against men who will batter them. Perceptions count for a lot. White Gi trousers, you might not think that could put women off but it does.
I don't know much about Hapkido to be honest so can't tell you if it puts women off as a style or not, sorry. Have a look at it from a woman's point of view and see what you think?

All good points. But still I see more women in other martial arts than I have in Hapkido in general, and especially the Hapkido I studied. I always wondered if the violent counters we use were put-offs, or maybe the touching, since some techniques require contact in places women might be more uncomfortable with. I don't know, but those are the only things I have ever been able to think of.
 

Tez3

Sr. Grandmaster
Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2006
Messages
27,608
Reaction score
4,901
Location
England
All good points. But still I see more women in other martial arts than I have in Hapkido in general, and especially the Hapkido I studied. I always wondered if the violent counters we use were put-offs, or maybe the touching, since some techniques require contact in places women might be more uncomfortable with. I don't know, but those are the only things I have ever been able to think of.

Perhaps but I've found in MMA that men often don't like touching and the grappling part of it. I'm not sure about the violence because I know a lot of violent women lol. Perhaps it's the perception that they aren't welcome? Often a group of men can give the impression they don't want women joining them in a martial art. It's not done consciously but it can come over as being hostile to women.
 

oftheherd1

Senior Master
Joined
May 12, 2011
Messages
4,685
Reaction score
817
Perhaps but I've found in MMA that men often don't like touching and the grappling part of it. I'm not sure about the violence because I know a lot of violent women lol. Perhaps it's the perception that they aren't welcome? Often a group of men can give the impression they don't want women joining them in a martial art. It's not done consciously but it can come over as being hostile to women.

I saw men (including myself) who were sometimes a little hesitant while trying techniques; I never felt so uncoordinated in my life as when I began Hapkido. As we often build following techniques on techniques we have already learned, that did go away for me, and for most I saw start. So you seeing men that don't like touching and the grappling part surprises me. Did you find in grappling arts that men dropped out because of that or did they adjust and accept?

Perceptions are important. I wonder how many men give a negative perception not because they don't like women in MA so much as they don't know how to communicate they are going to have to touch, or the women are going to have to touch, in uncomfortable places? That might be something the teacher should get involved in.

Violent women? Tell me it isn't so. :) I once had a student who grew up with several brothers. She thought no more of fighting/sparring or using a violent technique than she did of breathing.
 

Tez3

Sr. Grandmaster
Supporting Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2006
Messages
27,608
Reaction score
4,901
Location
England
I saw men (including myself) who were sometimes a little hesitant while trying techniques; I never felt so uncoordinated in my life as when I began Hapkido. As we often build following techniques on techniques we have already learned, that did go away for me, and for most I saw start. So you seeing men that don't like touching and the grappling part surprises me. Did you find in grappling arts that men dropped out because of that or did they adjust and accept?

It's more than touching though, having someone's groin in your face is a bit odd male or female lol, being tangled together in a very intimate way with a stranger is disconcerting for any beginner, not only is it intimate it's with someone who is trying to hurt you! We've had men who just wanted to do stand up not grappling because they don't like that close contact, women don't seem to actual mind so much with other women and men they know.



Perceptions are important. I wonder how many men give a negative perception not because they don't like women in MA so much as they don't know how to communicate they are going to have to touch, or the women are going to have to touch, in uncomfortable places? That might be something the teacher should get involved in.


Strangely enough it's not the touching that tends to put women off, it's the thought of punching and kicking people to hurt them. It's not even that they will be kicked or punched. I find the hardest thing is teaching women to be proactive in sparring, to actually go for strikes, for many it's the way they've been brought up ( unlike the female student you had with the brothers) they are told not to hit, not to hurt and years of this is quite hard to overcome. It's not 'ladylike' to fight or to even want to is also a common thought. It doesn't help that men are taught not to hit women and carry that onto martial arts.
A while back I went to a JKD class in the local leisure centre, the instructor knew I was coming and was quite happy with it but when I walked in the male students kindly told me the gym classes were in the other hall, I said I was here for martial arts they looked at me disbelieving, they weren't rude or nasty just incredulous which could have been uncomfortable for someone just starting. I didn't say I had any experience in martial arts as it was a completely new style for me, I just wore a plain t-shirt and black Gi bottoms, no belt. A couple of them were quite patronising, it wasn't a conscious thing I think they were trying to be genuinely helpful but it reminded me of garage mechanics when they talk to a woman about her car! A couple of the much older men though when I was holding the pads tried to really hit it as hard as they could, not a problem for me so I just smiled at them, then when it was my turn I returned the favour. If I had been new to martial arts and less confident it was have been hugely off putting. I'm used to working in all male environments so being the only female doesn't bother me. The ones that were most welcoming and helpful were the teenagers, I'm obviously much older than then but they didn't patronise or try to punch too hard, they explained things normally. I will say sparring with the old chaps was fun, we could spar how we wanted the instructor said, so I did, I enjoyed it not sure they did though. Sparring with the teenagers was also fun, they were faster ad had good techniques but they matched themselves to me which was kind and gracious. Sadly, I only went a couple of more times before the instructor gave up the class. I hope the teenagers found somewhere else to go, they were a credit to themselves.
 

Latest Discussions

Top