Verbal Self-Defense, Best Verbal De-escalation Strategies for Kids and Adults?

[Mauthos]

I agree with jks9199.

A lot of the time when someone is in your face screaming, yelling and basically being offensive just to get a rise out of you, they are probably winding themselves up in preparation to initiate a fight. In these cases their brain can get stuck in a kind of a loop which enables them to physically prepare to fight without having to really concentrate on what they are actually saying. The typical type of thing I have experienced is the 'Yeah, you want some? Yeah, come one, what ya gonna do? You want some?' repeated ad nauseum.

At this point as them a completely innocuous question. This then requires a response and therefore triggers the brain to initiate a thought process and in most cases confuses the aggressor in turn almost making them appear to forget what they were angry with you about. I saw this work brilliantly with a guy squaring up to a police officer, spouting the usual rubbish when the copper asked calmly 'Do you know the football score from tonight's game?'. The aggressor almost immediately came to a silent standstill, arms dropped and he looked completely perplexed. He then replied 'I'm not sure,' as the copper calmly arrested him. Brilliant.

I am not saying this will work in all instances, but it is a great tip that can work.

 

[jks9199]

The thing about de-escalation is that there is no one perfect tactic. You have to recognize what sort of escalation you're dealing with. To begin with -- you can only de-escalate social violence. If it's asocial or predatory -- you won't de-escalate any more than the moose will de-escalate the wolf pack. Rory Miller has done a nice job classifying a lot of the types or settings of social violence, but his is not the only one that works. You do have to recognize what sort of situation you're in and then have a chance to de-escalate based on what's appropriate. Chilling a growing Monkey Dance is not done the same way that you can deter an Educational Beat Down -- and might even trigger a worse result.

 

[chinto]

some people you will be able to talk down, defuse the situation. But some are either predators who decided your pray, or just not rational do to drugs or some other problem. Trust your Gut Feeling on that one. if you can get clear or talk the situation down, DO IT! but if your gut says it will not work, try to De-escalate the situation. but, make sure you have some distance and are ready to defend yourself!

 

[superkizuna]

All the advice previously given is sound advice. Personally, I know I am a smart ***, and I also know I like to fight, it's what I do for fun after all... Not that my martial art is about fighting, it just happens to be a coincidence! SO anyway, I just stay silent and look at whoever is addressing me. I was at a formal dance with my girlfriend, some guy came up and was really revved up already, screaming really racist things. This guy just showed up out of nowhere, I was talking about basketball with someone else at the bar, everyone in the room is white. Still I'm not okay with his behavior. He walks up to the bar and grabs one of his hands around my throat.

For the people who already know this (which I hope is most of you) but for the newer guys out there, when anyone attempts to choke you directly, it is an attack out of anger, and it's a Really stupid attack.

At this point I stop myself from reacting, I am not in an appropriate place to beat the tar out of this guy, even though I can, and he's just given me the greatest opening I could ever ask for.

So I sit on my bar stool with his hand around my throat (he isn't squeezing, just has his hand placed there) and I sit and look at him in the eye while he yells N***** in my face. Eventually he runs out of breath, and then walks away, and that was the end of it.



This was incredibly hard for me to do, but I am proud of myself for being able to control my actions!

OmG, i would kill everything in 10 meter radius.