I completed the tapes this morning and have to admit that this is truly awsome. I could hardly wait to use my newfound skills so i cruised around some of the worst parts of my neighborhood hoping that some miscreant would try to accost me. I was passing what was obviously a tweekers house. I could tell by the neatly maqnicured lawn with every blade of grass the same precise length and every flower spaced evenly,the fence freshly painted, not a spot on the driveway or a weed to be seen. I just knew some kind of speed freek lived here, maybe even had a meth lab going. Just then the door opened and one of the dope fiends emerged. Oh this one was on the stuff real bad. I knew that speed really ages you but this guy looked like a 70 year old man, but I knew better than to underestimate the superhuman power of an addict hopped up on meth. I decided to play it cool and just observe his behaviour, so I picked up a newspaper and began pretending to read it. But he spotted me right away. I could see the look of irrational anger come over his face as he challenged me for being on his 'turf'. "Hey,that's my newspaper!"
Let me tell you even with my newfound incredible fighting skills I had a moment of misgiving. As he approached me in a croutch I realized he was carring a long stick with a wicked looking curved handle, and as he came towards me he kept tapping it menacingly on the ground beside him to intimidate me. Through the open front of his flapping bathrobe I saw that he was wearing BOXER shorts. I realized I might be in over my head, this was no orrdinary thug, he had fighting experience! Time stood still, would all those long minutes of training pay off? Would the technique I learned REALLY work? I was paralized, as he closed in for the 'kill', yelling obsenities. "Are you deaf? You little punk,I said that's my newspaper, give me that!" and then he grabbed the paper from my trembling hands. Suddenly the video training kicked in. It truly is hardwired into me. Like lightening my hand reached into my pocket and pulled out the gun, pushed it toward him and pulled the trigger. There was a defening blast, then a second of quiet. He stood there clutching the newspaper to his chest, then collapsed at my feet. I was amazed at how easy it was. With almost no training and no effort on my part I had used the technique to dispatch a violent criminal who was threatening my life. Thankyou Lt. X. I'll fear no man ever again. No more atomic wedgies for this boy!
