Too funny not to post up.

[Ronin74]

I found this on a website for the area I live in (San Francisco). It was too funny, so now I present...


Man Laws - Latest from the International Council of Man Laws

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances
   (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
   (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
   (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
   (d) When she is using her teeth.
3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights:
    (a) Yeah, Ba-by, Push it!
    (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
29. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
    "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
    " BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the *** and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

I hope this clears up any confusion, The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Roflmao!

 

[Ronin74]

Here's a few I'd like to add (I guess numbers 30-32):

• It is a man's duty to make sure his drunk buddy gets home safely. However, once passed out, the drunken friend is subject to any form of humiliation, but ONLY to be shared with other mutual guy friends.
• Under duress, a married man must never give up to his wife, any descriptive or detailed info regarding occurances that fall in the category of "legendary" or "high-fivable"
• A man gives license to another man to punch him in the mouth if he asks about that man's sister in "that way".

 

[tellner]

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

Oops.

 

[Ronin74]

Oops.

I would think that there's some sort of secrecy clause.

 

[tellner]

Notice the portrait. When you breed by the dozen in ponds you get more casual about that sort of thing

 

[terryl965]

That was great

 

[arnisador]

Lol!

 

[crushing]

Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

Maybe there are exceptions?

http://www.topgear.com/us/images/pic/57pic_sema.jpg

 

[jim777]

Wise words indeed

 

[Ronin74]

Maybe there are exceptions?

Muscle cars are definitely an exception, though I can't see myself in a '70 Cuda with those colors. I think the tint of the color may play a difference too. Look at the Duke Boys' '69 Charger. While not my favorite color, that was a man's car.

 

[Ronin74]

Here's another one I learned from a recent experience at work:

33. If a good-looking female walks into the workplace, a slight nod or crook of the eyebrow to your fellow men is the ideal acknowledgement. Any man who chooses a more conspicuous form of acknowledment assumes all the consequences of that action. Furthermore, he must NEVER point out other men as having been involved.

 

[Ken Morgan]

34. Never ever, rat out a buddy. Ever.

 

[Master K]

I found that amusing...Thanks for posting it!

 

[Ronin74]

I found that amusing...Thanks for posting it!

You're welcome. I definitely plan on adding to the list if I can think of something not previously mentioned.

 

[Ronin74]

35. If a buddy offers to buy your drink at the bar, your choices are as follows:

• Beer
• Hard Liquor
• That's it... nothing blended, or that matches any shade of Christmas lighting.