Something changed...

[irishwolf08]

Hi guys. I've been doing TKD for a few months now, graduating to my orange belt next Friday. Me and a friend of mine joined at the same time and have been sticking together.
However, our school, UMAC has "Clubs". Black Belt Club-which gives you an extra boost in how many days you can go to TKD a week and some advanced trainiing in hapkido and stuff like that. You need to be invited to do that. I got invited in a month of training, which everyone was amazed about.
Now there is also Leadership Team, which is where you train to be an instructer, get unlimited class times and all the advanced training and then some. Also you need to teach and warm up classes. Also work with children.
My Master even said that I would get invited to Leadership in another month, however I told her not to bother, I don't like children and I'm not that great a teacher. I have no patiance, also the expectations are way to high.
My friend recently got invited to Leadership Team. Now I'm happy for her, she wanted to do that so badly, but she's really pushing me right now. She is a yellow belt like me. She went up to my other friend a 2nd dan and told her she was doing an exercise wrong. She showed no respect towards her. My friend also is bragging about it to me, and when I brought up the BBC she made it sound like I was inferior to her. She also poked fun at me getting my knees hurt all the time, saying "with your knees in bad shape all the time, why do you even bother doing TKD?"
...I really am angry at her, my knee problems are one of the reasons started TKD and I really don't think I am inferior to her in anyway.
I don't know how to deal with this.

Sorry for the long rant guys....any help would be great...

 

[Marginal]

Bragging, telling friends to quit TKD... Now that's quality leadership.

 

[girlbug2]

I wish I knew more about your situation, but right now I detect some jealousy behind your friend's actions. Perhaps she saw you as a rising star and felt inferior to you for some time, and now that she is on Leadership Team she is trying to "even the score", if only in her own mind. Regardless of the reason for her behavior, she is practically screaming her insecurity to the world right about now.

If I read this correctly, you may need to keep in mind that the hurtful things she says are more about her than about you. Try to distance yourself from all of it. She needs compassion. Be a good example of a dignified martial artist for her, keep your cool, don't take the bait. But you can't change her, so if she doesn't let up, you may need to distance yourself from her as well.

 

[Kacey]

I wish I knew more about your situation, but right now I detect some jealousy behind your friend's actions. Perhaps she saw you as a rising star and felt inferior to you for some time, and now that she is on Leadership Team she is trying to "even the score", if only in her own mind. Regardless of the reason for her behavior, she is practically screaming her insecurity to the world right about now.

If I read this correctly, you may need to keep in mind that the hurtful things she says are more about her than about you. Try to distance yourself from all of it. She needs compassion. Be a good example of a dignified martial artist for her, keep your cool, don't take the bait. But you can't change her, so if she doesn't let up, you may need to distance yourself from her as well.

I agree. For many people, success is measured in comparison to other people, instead of comparison to themselves - and to improve her feeling of success, your "friend" (and I don't consider her behavior appropriate or friendly, thus the quotes) is rubbing your nose in what she sees as her greater success. I would be very leery of friendship with someone who puts others down to make herself feel better.

And I have to say that any yellow belt who would, unasked, correct a senior - much less a black belt of any rank - would not, IMHO, be on any kind of a leadership track for some time. Leaders need to understand when to lead and when to follow - and correcting someone with years of experience, when your own experience is in months - does not show "leadership" to me, it shows a bossiness that borders on bullying, depending on how/why it was done.

 

[MBuzzy]

I hope that your 2nd Dan friend corrected her. It is generally not very good protocol for a rank that low to correct someone that far above them. I'd say you have some room to talk to your yellow belt friend about that one.

If you have knee problems, in my opinion, it is MORE respectable that you're out there doing it, despite your problems.

All in all, it sounds like your friend is not very qualified to be a leader (as others have indicated). Honestly, the best thing that you can do is try not to let it bother you. Congratulate her and ignore the rest. If it starts to interfere with your training, notify your instructor. You shouldn't have to deal with the torment and he should know the character of his future instructors.

 

[newGuy12]

I would not bother with the extra things, unless you aspire to teach some day. There is enough to enjoy with the practice, but of course that is for me.

About the knees -- do take care of your knees, and they will take care of you! Knee problems are no joke. We are coming into hot weather now, and the time is right for stepping things up now -- the muscles will be looser just walking into the dojang, so its on. Do not let the actions of the other student there interfere with your concentration. No. I say, focus on the techniques that you are doing -- let your mind be invested in those motions. In this way, the mind feels nice and clear after the practice!

 

[newGuy12]

I hope that your 2nd Dan friend corrected her.

Or laughed. :wink1:

 

[Logan]

Do play Devil's advocate, the 2nd Dan could easily be doing an exercise wrong e.g. kicking of front foot when the exercise is back foot or something. In this case I don't see any problem with anybody, regardless of grade, correcting a senior (many dan grades get lazy with listening to instructors depict exercises but that is another topic).

If the yellow belt was correcting the 2nd Dan's technique, well that is a bit odd.

On the whole though, it sounds like your friend is a typical boss wannabe....the ones you never want to be boss

 

[rchurch]

Let me get this straight...a yellow belt has been in TKD for a couple of months and is already correcting a 2nd dan, whom I assume has been studying for more than a couple of months...interesting... Maybe the 2nd dan needs to politely let her know that even if it was done wrong, it is not her place to correct it, it is the 2nd dan's instructor's place. Sounds like she missed the class where respect was taught.

A question...does belonging to these "clubs" cost more than your normal fees?

 

[newGuy12]

A question...does belonging to these "clubs" cost more than your normal fees?

:jaws:

 

[Deaf Smith]

Irish,

Who are you there for? Her or yourself?

I know she is your friend, but since you mentioned your knees, well I think you need to keep them in mind. Don't fall on your sword just to keep up with your friend (or do what she wants you to do.)

This is not being selfish. It's being mature. A mature person does not push others to do things that will get them hurt.

As Thoreau would say, "marched to the tune of a different drummer".

Be friendly, but do what you feel is right for you.

Deaf

 

[PEP-REP]

Old korean saying... don't be an empty can... mean if you take an empty can with a 2 or 3 rocks in it and toss it it will make alot of noise.. a full can makes no noise...

this is a good time for you to learn how NOT to act as a good TKD student.. I am sure your instructor will handle this in a good way. but don't lower yourself to her level . concentrate on your training and don't let her sense of achievement and injection of confidence get to you and stop you from doing what you like.

when a person gets a new rank or a promotion of any kind sometimes the head grows to fast... allowing the mouth to run out of control.. a good dose of discipline will reduce the size of her head lol

Glenn

 

[MBuzzy]

Do play Devil's advocate, the 2nd Dan could easily be doing an exercise wrong e.g. kicking of front foot when the exercise is back foot or something. In this case I don't see any problem with anybody, regardless of grade, correcting a senior (many dan grades get lazy with listening to instructors depict exercises but that is another topic).

If the yellow belt was correcting the 2nd Dan's technique, well that is a bit odd.

On the whole though, it sounds like your friend is a typical boss wannabe....the ones you never want to be boss

For the prosecution....It is true that the 2nd Dan could be doing an exercise wrong, but it is not the yellow belt's place to correct her. If if the 2nd Dan is wrong, having a belt that much lower correct her sets a VERY bad example and sends a message to other students that the black belt might not know what she is doing. There is also a good possibility that she is doing the exercise that way for a reason. Example, there are tens of possibilities for how to execute a roundhouse kick. A 2nd Dan has probably learned many of them, the yellow belt has probably learned one....Either way, correcting Dans is an instructor's job.

Deaf has it right, remember who you are there for.

And as PEP-REP said, new rank goes to people's heads quite often, let it be a lesson for you on how NOT to behave.

 

[Tez3]

All good advice, I can't add to that! Just want to say though as the others have don't let your training and enjoyment of TKD be affected by another person even if you are her friend, if she were a good friend to you she'd respect your choices and be glad for you whatever you do.
On the instructing the instructor thing that can be a painful thing to do lol, we had a student tell our instructor who was showing us a guillotine that it would be easy to roll out of plus he said it in a cocky way which didn't help, so our instructor said ok show me, needless to say you can't roll out of it and the student was left red faced and short of breath. He also was Uke for the rest of the night.

 

[Windsinger]

A question...does belonging to these "clubs" cost more than your normal fees?

When I first saw the term "Black Belt Club" used, I thought immediately of the dojang I train at. We have a "Black Belt Club" that gives students added benefits. The difference, mainly, is the normal membership is a 1 year membership, the BBC is 3 years. The added benefits are:

• No testing fees (normally a $45 fee for testing)
• 10% discount if you purchase anything from the dojang (sparring gear, new dobok, etc)
• Access to the new weight room
• Access to classes anytime (on the 1 year membership, you come either Mondays and Wednesdays, or Tuesdays and Thursdays)
• Access to extra classes: a special stretching class, a class specifically for breaking and conditioning, and the Arnis classes (when they start. Sadly, not much interest shown yet.)

Those are just what I can remember off hand. The best part? I actually pay less every month for my classes. I pay approximately $7 a month less. So, let's say I test 3 times a year. Over 3 years, that's saving me (($45X3)+($7X12))X3=$657, the equivalent of 8 months of fees. I'm not complaining.

And I agree with everyone here. Even if your friend was doing things wrong, there's no way a yellow belt should be correcting a black belt. That's just bad form (if you'll excuse the pun) in my books. I would never consider correcting a black belt on their technique. It's not my place.

 

[tkd1964]

Hi guys. I've been doing TKD for a few months now, graduating to my orange belt next Friday. Me and a friend of mine joined at the same time and have been sticking together.
However, our school, UMAC has "Clubs". Black Belt Club-which gives you an extra boost in how many days you can go to TKD a week and some advanced trainiing in hapkido and stuff like that. You need to be invited to do that. I got invited in a month of training, which everyone was amazed about.
Now there is also Leadership Team, which is where you train to be an instructer, get unlimited class times and all the advanced training and then some. Also you need to teach and warm up classes. Also work with children.
My Master even said that I would get invited to Leadership in another month, however I told her not to bother, I don't like children and I'm not that great a teacher. I have no patiance, also the expectations are way to high.
My friend recently got invited to Leadership Team. Now I'm happy for her, she wanted to do that so badly, but she's really pushing me right now. She is a yellow belt like me. She went up to my other friend a 2nd dan and told her she was doing an exercise wrong. She showed no respect towards her. My friend also is bragging about it to me, and when I brought up the BBC she made it sound like I was inferior to her. She also poked fun at me getting my knees hurt all the time, saying "with your knees in bad shape all the time, why do you even bother doing TKD?"
...I really am angry at her, my knee problems are one of the reasons started TKD and I really don't think I am inferior to her in anyway.
I don't know how to deal with this.

Sorry for the long rant guys....any help would be great...

I honestly think your instructor should be less worried about putting students on Leadership teams($$$) and work more on protocal and etiquette for his students. We have classes split up on beginner, advanced, and Black Belt not what program your in. You learn TKD the same as everyone else, without the need to join a special team.:machgunr:

 

[irishwolf08]

Or laughed. :wink1:

She did. ^_^

 

[irishwolf08]

A question...does belonging to these "clubs" cost more than your normal fees?

Yes it does, but you also get extra attention and training.
...I have to admit, seeing your Master Instructers drive around in Hummers and Porche's isn't telling us good things about where our money goes.
But also, on certain training camps the BBC and Leadership teams get a BIG discount on the fees.

 

[GlassJaw]

My Master even said that I would get invited to Leadership in another month, however I told her not to bother, I don't like children and I'm not that great a teacher. I have no patiance, also the expectations are way to high.

I expect that your feelings on that might change as you advance and feel you have more to teach.

My friend recently got invited to Leadership Team. Now I'm happy for her

Hang onto that thought.

...I really am angry at her

And drop that one.

She'll mature and it'll blow over. Martial Arts isn't a competition to be "Sensei's pet".

Dan

 

[Kacey]

I honestly think your instructor should be less worried about putting students on Leadership teams($$$) and work more on protocal and etiquette for his students. We have classes split up on beginner, advanced, and Black Belt not what program your in. You learn TKD the same as everyone else, without the need to join a special team.:machgunr:

That's always been my method - show up, train, and I'll teach you whatever you're ready to learn. No extra clubs, fees, or commitments (I teach at Y, so no contracts, either).

Still, Irish Wolf, if you're happy with your training situation, that's what matters. Train for yourself and don't worry about this other person; either she'll come around, she'll realize she's not getting the response from you that she wants and she'll leave you alone, or she'll quit (or other possibilities I'm not thinking of at the moment) - just wait it out, and one way or another, it'll get better.