Permission to pause

[AngryHobbit]

A very important thread (thank you AH for bringing it up), and I feel I can speak on this.

I've spent alot of my life being hard on myself. Putting excess pressure on myself. I naturally chose a martial arts style that was 'hard' and would run me into the ground. I was tired, injuries would crop up, and I felt no motivation to keep going, all in the name of 'no I've gotta push through. I've gotta look like I'm strong.' It was all coming from a deep insecurity within myself, but I kept denying it and pushing it further away, all because I thought I had to be strong and be 'in control.'

We can often push ourselves so hard in order to mask insecurities, and that's what it was for me. I was trying to pretend that if I looked strong, I must be. If I just stay incredibly tensed, I'll be safe. All sorts of strange belief systems... The last 1-2 years that I trained in my last style I was literally dragging myself.. my motivation was just dwindling day by day and I just was destroying myself.

Then I finally made the call and woke up in a sense, and finally was honest with myself: "I don't wanna do this anymore, I can't do this to myself anymore." As emotional as it was, I knew I could listen to my heart in this. So I left my style.

Then six months later my body gave me further feedback that I needed to ease up on myself, and after 5 trips to emergency, constant excruciating pain, and no one being able to tell me why, I found out I had pelvic floor tension myalgia/chronic pelvic pain syndrome. Basically far too tight within the pelvic muscles which caused incredible pain and a whole host of other issues. It's just where I stored tension as a stress/survival response. Believing I needed to stay 'tight' and 'tense' in order to feel safe. And it finally added up. So this was the body's further way of saying "you need to take it easier...", and I definitely made the right choice in leaving.

Whilst it might not all be relevant to you AH, I write all this because its so... so important that we listen to ourselves, be honest with ourselves, and most importantly be kind to ourselves. Yes it's great to train hard, but things can get out of balance fast. And if you feel guilty when you don't train, it's sooo much more beneficial trying to get to the root of the guilt instead of pushing through it or pushing it away. Asking oneself: "Well why do I need to train and push through? What am I trying to prove? Do I think I'll be a failure if I don't? Weak? Have not much self-worth?" And really questioning whether it's true.

We aren't strong from just putting on some brave face, a fake smile, or looking like I've got my **** sorted. It comes from real honesty, vulnerability, and in just letting ourselves be vulnerable. Letting ourselves feel what we're feeling. Being totally honest as to what our intentions are, and looking at what beliefs surround it.

Sorry this went a little long, but it really spoke to me, and I know I've got a long way to go still in learning to listen to myself and be honest (am still working through my pelvic pain issues, and there are still incredibly painful days..), if anyone gets anything out of it, that's great. This is just my experience. I'd say that everyone is wired differently, and some would benefit from that 'yang' energy (learning about the will, being straight up, learning resilience, perseverance etc), and others the 'yin' (allowing, relaxing, being gentle, nurturing towards yourself).

Overtraining is often simply a case of not being in tune with yourself, not being honest or not being able to listen to yourself. Not taking the body's advice that "I need rest and recovery," and pushing on through. And everyone has different degrees of it, or different tolerance levels. The other guys have given great responses, and that list is definitely a good guide. As long as it leads to a deepening of your listening to your own body and what it needs, that's great. There are some days where you just wanna collapse, and it's okay to! Rest up, and you'll feel the better for it tomorrow, so you can train tomorrow in a much more healthy and functional way.

It's been a process for me, and that tendency to push myself still comes up, but I'm being more and more honest, and taking more rest when it's needed.

A very long winded way of saying: "Be kind to yourself."

Hey, who am I to judge? I am part Russian - ergo, genetically long-winded in speaking and writing.

Seriously, this is wonderful, and I appreciate your input. You are very brave, I think - first, because you pushed through what must have been very painful and very exhausting; and second, because you had the guts to stop and take stock.

I have a rare, weird skeletal defect - my spine sits too high with respect to my pelvis. So... it's sort of like a wobbly flag pole or fence post. I have to constantly keep track of whether I am doing enough to exercise my core and abdominal muscles, because they have to do some of the job of keeping me upright that the spine is supposed to do but can't do. This defect is inoperable, so it's pretty much the life of exercise for the rest of my days for me. It's not a bad thing, but it requires a lot of checks and balances - how stiff am I going to be tomorrow if I don't stretch today? How wobbly am I today because I had no core exercises yesterday? And so on.

 

[aedrasteia]

"On one hand, I was brought up in the spirit of "No pain - no gain" and "just work your way through it." My dad, my uncles, my grandfathers - all former military men - were pretty ruthless in that respect.

How do you make a decision when to push through and when to allow yourself to take a break? What factors do you take into account and how do you make sure you don't feel guilty about taking it easy?"

Where are Dad, Uncles and Grandfathers? Still alive? Still in Ukraine? Where are Mother, Aunts, Grandmothers?

w/respect A

 

[AngryHobbit]

Where are Dad, Uncles and Grandfathers? Still alive? Still in Ukraine? Where are Mother, Aunts, Grandmothers?

w/respect A

All my grandparents are gone, as are my uncles. My mom died when I was 14. My dad and my step-mom still reside in Ukraine. I asked if I need to get my a** into gear and bring them here, but they don't want to leave - they don't speak the language, don't think they can survive the transition, and don't want to be wholly dependent on me. I do support them now, but they have their own income too.

 

[_Simon_]

Hey, who am I to judge? I am part Russian - ergo, genetically long-winded in speaking and writing.

Seriously, this is wonderful, and I appreciate your input. You are very brave, I think - first, because you pushed through what must have been very painful and very exhausting; and second, because you had the guts to stop and take stock.

I have a rare, weird skeletal defect - my spine sits too high with respect to my pelvis. So... it's sort of like a wobbly flag pole or fence post. I have to constantly keep track of whether I am doing enough to exercise my core and abdominal muscles, because they have to do some of the job of keeping me upright that the spine is supposed to do but can't do. This defect is inoperable, so it's pretty much the life of exercise for the rest of my days for me. It's not a bad thing, but it requires a lot of checks and balances - how stiff am I going to be tomorrow if I don't stretch today? How wobbly am I today because I had no core exercises yesterday? And so on.

Thanks AH that's very kind of you . Yeah has been honestly just hellish, but it's really truly taught me to just be kinder to myself, and listen to when I'm pushing things a bit much. And just how important relaxing is.

Ah wow, yeah and you'd definitely be more in tune right there, that must be incredibly challenging for you. I guess it's a case of knowing yourself and knowing when too far is too far, and no one else will know that but can only speculate. That would take a lot of maintenance and intuitive awareness on your part for sure.

It's a really interesting area that seems to be gaining in attention (the importance of recovery, not needing as much training volume as we think etc). Whilst breaking through preconceived limitations is important, sometimes it's just not necessary, and sometimes it's just totally 100% okay to take it a bit easier. For long term health, long term enjoyment, and I'd argue long term results in performance!

 

[gucia6]

How do you make a decision when to push through and when to allow yourself to take a break? What factors do you take into account and how do you make sure you don't feel guilty about taking it easy?

How do I know when to stop?
I listen to my body. And as the physical issues are relatively easy to solve, the psychological are the ones I pay attention to most.

Any time I feel tired (fatigued), have problems waking up, often wake up at night, angry for no reason, start snapping at people, have the feeling that my day suddenly got shorter and I cannot manage usual tasks, when I start thinking "what is the purpose of all of that?", my alarm lights start blinking.
Thanks to 2 heavy experiences in my life, which one led to depression (fortunately happily ended without tragedy) and other led to uncontrolled panic attacks for most insignificant reasons, I learned to pay very close attention to all those little changes.

And whenever my alert lights start to blink, I take a deep breath and stop. After all I have only one life, only one health, only one fantastic family. And I always have this internal conflict, because I would like to be tough, I would love to train more, but I know I am "fragile" and one step too far could take me to the "dark side" and I know it is not funny there.
And when I stop I have a look at my diet , as this is very often associated with my psychological issues. Generally I eat healthy, but sometimes due to lack of time to prepare, laziness or whatever I grab something from my "forbidden" list. If that happens, the best solution for me is fasting. It absolutely clears and calms down my mind and body. After short period of fasting I adjust my food to daily cortisol/insulin cycle. Other than that, I sleep much more. After putting kids to bed around 8pm, I am going to sleep as well.
Doing this "reset" every now and then puts me back on track.

And for the physical issues I stop when I have unusual joint or muscle pain or stiffness. And I don't mean some sore muscles after training, but a pain and tightness that prevents me from moving, as if the muscles or joints got wrapped with tight strap to protect what is inside. Then I stop any exercises and relax, go to sauna, eat food that might help in the recovery, sleep.

As for feeling "guilty" taking a break? I stopped that long time ago.
After all I am not professional and I know that some break now an then improves my efficiency. And it does not matter if it is training, work or house activities. Just sometimes I have to be lazy, sit down and look at the beautiful landscape or setting sun

 

[AngryHobbit]

As for feeling "guilty" taking a break? I stopped that long time ago.
After all I am not professional and I know that some break now an then improves my efficiency. And it does not matter if it is training, work or house activities. Just sometimes I have to be lazy, sit down and look at the beautiful landscape or setting sun

I am still learning to do this. I grew up in a culture, where a lot of responsibility rested with EVERYONE, including children, not to whine about their problems, because everyone else's lives were already hard enough. So, it was very common for us, as kids, not to talk about feeling sick unless it was getting SERIOUS (like, tonsilitis serious or scarlet fever serious).

Something so deep-rooted in one's psyche is VERY hard to recondition. But I am working on it. Promise.

 

[_Simon_]

How do I know when to stop?
I listen to my body. And as the physical issues are relatively easy to solve, the psychological are the ones I pay attention to most.

Any time I feel tired (fatigued), have problems waking up, often wake up at night, angry for no reason, start snapping at people, have the feeling that my day suddenly got shorter and I cannot manage usual tasks, when I start thinking "what is the purpose of all of that?", my alarm lights start blinking.
Thanks to 2 heavy experiences in my life, which one led to depression (fortunately happily ended without tragedy) and other led to uncontrolled panic attacks for most insignificant reasons, I learned to pay very close attention to all those little changes.

And whenever my alert lights start to blink, I take a deep breath and stop. After all I have only one life, only one health, only one fantastic family. And I always have this internal conflict, because I would like to be tough, I would love to train more, but I know I am "fragile" and one step too far could take me to the "dark side" and I know it is not funny there.
And when I stop I have a look at my diet , as this is very often associated with my psychological issues. Generally I eat healthy, but sometimes due to lack of time to prepare, laziness or whatever I grab something from my "forbidden" list. If that happens, the best solution for me is fasting. It absolutely clears and calms down my mind and body. After short period of fasting I adjust my food to daily cortisol/insulin cycle. Other than that, I sleep much more. After putting kids to bed around 8pm, I am going to sleep as well.
Doing this "reset" every now and then puts me back on track.

And for the physical issues I stop when I have unusual joint or muscle pain or stiffness. And I don't mean some sore muscles after training, but a pain and tightness that prevents me from moving, as if the muscles or joints got wrapped with tight strap to protect what is inside. Then I stop any exercises and relax, go to sauna, eat food that might help in the recovery, sleep.

As for feeling "guilty" taking a break? I stopped that long time ago.
After all I am not professional and I know that some break now an then improves my efficiency. And it does not matter if it is training, work or house activities. Just sometimes I have to be lazy, sit down and look at the beautiful landscape or setting sun

A beautiful post, thanks so much for sharing, got alot out of that