Sanchin-J
Orange Belt
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2008
- Messages
- 78
- Reaction score
- 10
This story is true based upon my own life experiences and is a testimony about overcoming the odds through my experiences in the martial arts.
In 1977 at the age of 4, I tried to take my own life using a boot knife my mother kept hidden in one of her dresser drawers in her bedroom. Why? Well it took me almost half my life to figure that out. My life was complicated from the very start, we were living a very poor life, hardly ever any food in the house, I was lucky to have clothes and a few comic books which I had to use to make "makeshift" toys to play with. My mother was a struggling college student with a drug problem and profoundly bad judgement in who she chose for friends.
At 4 years old, I had been told that I was a mistake, I wasn't wanted, I had ruined her life, I was her biggest failure, and all kinds of other related things, and I was treated as such. Most of her better friends used to say that she treated me like an object not a person. It so happened that on that day, I was particularly sensitive and she had carried me up to my bedroom and shut me in because she wanted to shoot up with her friends. In my mindset, I was mad, hurt and at that point wanted nothing more than to be paid attention to. I remember it clear as day, I walked into her bedroom, pulled out her boot knife from a drawer, went into my bedroom, propped the boot knife under my mattress point up, and jumped on it belly first. I can remember thinking, "I don't want it to go right through me, so the mattress should stop it from doing that." Sure enough it worked, when I stood up I felt this terrible ache in my stomach and looked down to see that something was trying to come out, so I pressed my hands over it, and stumbled down the stairs.
By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs, my mom was already yelling at me to go back up stairs and I was teetering on the edge of blacking out. I remember her standing up and screaming as I pulled my hand away from my stomach, hearing frantic voices, I remember waking up a few times in a van with newspapers being compressed down on my stomach by someone, and then random glimpses of doctors and nurses in the hospital until finally waking up a day later and several stitches later.
Mom lied about what really happened which was no surprise, but I think what happened really opened her eyes up, things began changing over the next few years, her friends were changing, she was getting her life in order, the abusive words had become something reserved for when I really screwed up, and she was really trying hard to be a mother. Unfortunately it didn't last, 2 days after my 7th birthday, while she was high and nearly completely out of her mind, when one of her friends attacked me and nearly killed me over turning to another radio station on his radio while he was gone. I can still hear her egging him on and laughing about it. The next day in school, I didn't even make it through the front doors of the school from the bus before protective services caught me and took me into custody.
Foster care was rough at first, finding a family that can cater to the needs of a foster child is hard because the circumstances can be so radical at times. While awaiting placement, I ended living with the police officer that was there when I was taken from school, and after a few weeks I was introduced to my first foster home. The first home was great but within 5 months time, a domestic dispute erupted between the husband and wife and myself and 2 other foster children were taken and placed into new homes. The second home really sucked for me, it was a lifestyle I wasn't fond of or used to, and I just didn't fit in. The third was a charm however, the family had a daughter and son, they were happy and encouraging and I felt welcome.
While I lived with my foster family, the younger boy had started into the martial arts, studying at a dojo local to us, and before long I myself became involved. My whole life up until that point I had come to accept that I was a failure, unwanted, and unfit to be around people. My mentality however would soon be changed as I began to study and began to experience what a "good" family life could be like. Within a year, my self esteem was practically rebuilt, my grades were vastly improved, I had friends, and I felt like I'd finally found 'home.'
Through the years, I continued to study, ultimately switching to another art by highschool, but one thing remains constant in the martial arts world, and that's the reinforced principles of developing confidence, self esteem, and discipline. My whole life I was told I would fail, I would never find success, graduate from school, get into college, or hold down a job. Through my ties to the martial arts, through encouragement from a strong and good family, and by never giving up, I proved them all wrong. Over 30 years later I stand before you, my brothers and sisters of the arts, and I encourage each and every one of you to NEVER give up, you can beat the odds, you can succeed, I did it and I know you can to. Martial arts changed my life, it helped shaped the loving husband, father of two beautiful kids, and martial artist you see before you today.
In 1977 at the age of 4, I tried to take my own life using a boot knife my mother kept hidden in one of her dresser drawers in her bedroom. Why? Well it took me almost half my life to figure that out. My life was complicated from the very start, we were living a very poor life, hardly ever any food in the house, I was lucky to have clothes and a few comic books which I had to use to make "makeshift" toys to play with. My mother was a struggling college student with a drug problem and profoundly bad judgement in who she chose for friends.
At 4 years old, I had been told that I was a mistake, I wasn't wanted, I had ruined her life, I was her biggest failure, and all kinds of other related things, and I was treated as such. Most of her better friends used to say that she treated me like an object not a person. It so happened that on that day, I was particularly sensitive and she had carried me up to my bedroom and shut me in because she wanted to shoot up with her friends. In my mindset, I was mad, hurt and at that point wanted nothing more than to be paid attention to. I remember it clear as day, I walked into her bedroom, pulled out her boot knife from a drawer, went into my bedroom, propped the boot knife under my mattress point up, and jumped on it belly first. I can remember thinking, "I don't want it to go right through me, so the mattress should stop it from doing that." Sure enough it worked, when I stood up I felt this terrible ache in my stomach and looked down to see that something was trying to come out, so I pressed my hands over it, and stumbled down the stairs.
By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs, my mom was already yelling at me to go back up stairs and I was teetering on the edge of blacking out. I remember her standing up and screaming as I pulled my hand away from my stomach, hearing frantic voices, I remember waking up a few times in a van with newspapers being compressed down on my stomach by someone, and then random glimpses of doctors and nurses in the hospital until finally waking up a day later and several stitches later.
Mom lied about what really happened which was no surprise, but I think what happened really opened her eyes up, things began changing over the next few years, her friends were changing, she was getting her life in order, the abusive words had become something reserved for when I really screwed up, and she was really trying hard to be a mother. Unfortunately it didn't last, 2 days after my 7th birthday, while she was high and nearly completely out of her mind, when one of her friends attacked me and nearly killed me over turning to another radio station on his radio while he was gone. I can still hear her egging him on and laughing about it. The next day in school, I didn't even make it through the front doors of the school from the bus before protective services caught me and took me into custody.
Foster care was rough at first, finding a family that can cater to the needs of a foster child is hard because the circumstances can be so radical at times. While awaiting placement, I ended living with the police officer that was there when I was taken from school, and after a few weeks I was introduced to my first foster home. The first home was great but within 5 months time, a domestic dispute erupted between the husband and wife and myself and 2 other foster children were taken and placed into new homes. The second home really sucked for me, it was a lifestyle I wasn't fond of or used to, and I just didn't fit in. The third was a charm however, the family had a daughter and son, they were happy and encouraging and I felt welcome.
While I lived with my foster family, the younger boy had started into the martial arts, studying at a dojo local to us, and before long I myself became involved. My whole life up until that point I had come to accept that I was a failure, unwanted, and unfit to be around people. My mentality however would soon be changed as I began to study and began to experience what a "good" family life could be like. Within a year, my self esteem was practically rebuilt, my grades were vastly improved, I had friends, and I felt like I'd finally found 'home.'
Through the years, I continued to study, ultimately switching to another art by highschool, but one thing remains constant in the martial arts world, and that's the reinforced principles of developing confidence, self esteem, and discipline. My whole life I was told I would fail, I would never find success, graduate from school, get into college, or hold down a job. Through my ties to the martial arts, through encouragement from a strong and good family, and by never giving up, I proved them all wrong. Over 30 years later I stand before you, my brothers and sisters of the arts, and I encourage each and every one of you to NEVER give up, you can beat the odds, you can succeed, I did it and I know you can to. Martial arts changed my life, it helped shaped the loving husband, father of two beautiful kids, and martial artist you see before you today.
