one man's journey into old age, Karate and depression

[opr1945161 47]

Some of this may be convoluted. But, it will end with how this forum helped me change my view of life.

I will post various short posts about my experience. I hope someone may benefit from it (isn't that what they always say?). It may take awhile. Thanks in advance. OPR1945.

 

[opr1945161 47]

The issue: I passed my 80th birthday awhile ago. I used to be 5'7" and 200+ pounds. I am now 5'5" tall and 175#. My testosterone is low. My muscle mass is less. My endurance is reduced. My memory is failing me. My fine motor skills are deteriorating. My balance is reduced. My legs hurt anytime I am standing or walking. I use a cane to walk.

Most of my social circle suffered from the pandemic, death or institutionalization. I got out of the habit of church attendance. I retired and then got laid off in pandemic. My life has deteriorated to only family.

My lower spine is deteriorating and pinching nerves causing leg pain and less strength and walking difficulty .

It's like childhood in reverse. Every day there was something that I could not longer do. Lets face everyone dies, my time is getting closer. May if my abilities were not deteriorating it would be easier to accept, or ignore the end is coming.

I am not accepting this well, even though I know it is normal and it happens to most everyone. But, I am struggling.

 

[opr1945161 47]

Karate: my first memory of martial arts was when I was in school and the inside cover of comic books frequently had an ad for "KUNG FU" along with a picture of a man in a gi and face mask that said if his identify was known he would be killed for revealing secrets.

Next came Kung Fu David Carradine TV show, 1972-75. which I loved. A few years later I signed up to join a "National Karate School" which I think was a franchise. But wife, job, kids got in the way. Then around 1990 one of my sons, 12 years old, signed up for "American Eagle Karate" lessons. Turns out it was started by a pastor for members of his congregation. Probably was actually a McDojo. recently I was watching some utube videos on Tae Kwan Do. And it turns out the forms he was teaching were TKD forms! I recently talked to a local sensi who has been around forever and he knew the guy, said he was a joke. after about a year he took a job and moved away.

Then 2023 I joined a local school and started taking lessons. Then I joined this forum. It was great. After 10 months my flexibility had improved. When I started I could stan on one foot for about 5 seconds. I was up to about 20 seconds. and I could bend over and touch the floor with finger tip. been a long time for that. I felt like my deterioration was stopping and I was improving. Alas all good things come to an end.

 

[Gyakuto163 172]

80 is an advanced age and you have to expect some deterioration in your physicality, but you can ameliorate it some what by what you’re doing; exercising. I know you recently been inspired by ‘Rebuilding Mum & Dad’ from youtube and I do believe it’s an avenue worth pursuing for you and hope you will!

 

[Holmejr3]

We are simply not guaranteed longevity in this life. My 103 year old neighbor admittedly never exercised in his adult life. Not all are so genetically blessed and I believe that we can hedge our bet through healthy diet (kinda!) and exercise. Personally I enjoy keeping up with my teen grandkids. As a man of faith, I’m simply thankful and grateful for the time I’ve had and look for doors to open in the future. Do it until ya can’t…

 

[Gerry Seymour]

The issue: I passed my 80th birthday awhile ago. I used to be 5'7" and 200+ pounds. I am now 5'5" tall and 175#. My testosterone is low. My muscle mass is less. My endurance is reduced. My memory is failing me. My fine motor skills are deteriorating. My balance is reduced. My legs hurt anytime I am standing or walking. I use a cane to walk.

Most of my social circle suffered from the pandemic, death or institutionalization. I got out of the habit of church attendance. I retired and then got laid off in pandemic. My life has deteriorated to only family.

My lower spine is deteriorating and pinching nerves causing leg pain and less strength and walking difficulty .

It's like childhood in reverse. Every day there was something that I could not longer do. Lets face everyone dies, my time is getting closer. May if my abilities were not deteriorating it would be easier to accept, or ignore the end is coming.

I am not accepting this well, even though I know it is normal and it happens to most everyone. But, I am struggling.

I'm lagging far behind you (56), but I can relate. Two years ago I started having nerve pain in my lower back. I've been hoping I'd be able to get back to martial arts classes - either as a student, or back to teaching - but I'm starting to think that might not be realistic. I'm still strong and relatively athletic (more so than most folks my age, and a lot of younger folks I know), but my choices are much more limited lately. This has me considering what it will be like in 15 years. If my back continues to deteriorate (there's still some hope it will actually improve), I don't know how much longer I can even consider long or difficult hikes - one of my favorite activities.

Just sharing to say I understand how this can impact your overall mood about life. I hope you find thigs you truly enjoy, that your body will still let you reasonably do.

 

[opr1945161 47]

Starting in 2019Most of my social circle suffered from the pandemic, death or institutionalization. I got out of the habit of church attendance. I retired and then got laid off in pandemic. My life has deteriorated to only family. No social activities at all. In 2024 things went down hill fast. physically, mental, psychology. My lumbar vertebrate had been deteriorating and it became a problem. I had no strength in my legs. Pain in my lower back. could only walk with a walker. Could not bend over. Had no balance left. Had to quit karate.

Found a pain clinic thy treated me with steroid shots and other substances. Deadening nerves to eliminate pain. Worked off and on. Then started having in calves and thighs. walking even with walker became difficult. Eventually, the shots lowered pain in back. some improvement. Pain clinic had no idea, or interest in, solving calf and thigh pain issue. Prognosis seemed to be best could be hoped for was to hit a plateau where pain and limitations were stabilized and decline speed was reduced. I was pretty bumbed (Depressed). To me the future looked like slowly deteriorating until the end.

Then 3 things happened to completely change my life. At least currently.

 

[Gyakuto163 172]

I think dwelling on one’s misery makes things much worse. This thread’s aura of negativity is not healthy and you will wallow in your own subjective anguish. Seeking sympathy and desire to have others give a sympathetic, “there, there”, even if one denies that is a possible motivation, is not the way of the warrior!

You should spend your time unearthing the positives in your life however seemingly trivial and dwell up on them. Your family, your previous good life, a nice meal, the opportunity to perform a kind act, having a nice home and community, a fascinating book, the arrival of you squat rack, being touched by the spirit of the martial arts etc. Write them down (a gratitude list) and read the items upon it regular.

Please abandon this self-destructive thread!

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

 

[Kung Fu Wang163 193]

I passed my 80th birthday awhile ago.

Many people don't have the luck to live pass 80. We should think about what we have instead of what we don't have.

- My SC teacher passed away when he was 78.
- My senior SC brother passed away when he was 72.

I'm 1 year younger than you. Every morning when I open my eyes and I know that I'm still alive, I'm happy.

I have come up 12 happiness in my life. Whenever the negative energy attacks me, I'll go through my 12 happiness in my head one by one. I'll then be happy for the rest of that day.

 

[opr1945161 47]

I think dwelling on one’s misery makes things much worse.....

You should spend your time unearthing the positives in your life however seemingly trivial and dwell up on them.

Please abandon this self-destructive thread!

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

When you are up to your **** in alligators it is hard to remember that you started out to drain the swamp. It is hard to focus on the positive when every place you look all is negative.

At the end of my last post I said "Then 3 things happened to completely change my life. At least currently." It's called "foreshadowing."

I will acknowledged that I was in a pity party.

One of the sources of positive enjoyment in my life the last few years has been my relationship with karate and this forum. Even as my physical participation has been limited by medical issues my knowledge and enjoyment has expanded via this forum and you all. I have learned much about Karate and Japanese culture here. There are positives in my life. A large part of that comes from Karate and this forum. I would like to say thank you for that.

If you have followed my posts at all you know I have gone down rabbit holes: Learning/purchasing used GIs, Karate belts and scrolls to name three. I have also converted one bay of my garage into a home mini dojo. As I look around me I realize there are a lot of people worse off than I am. I realize my glass is half full not half empty. Most of my friends did not make it this far. And, despite the weakness and pain I can still walk, talk, express an opinion and be a pain in the *** to those around me.

I shall move on to the 3 things happened to completely change my life. At least currently, in my next post. Again, thanks all.

 

[opr1945161 47]

Before the 3 things I should mention I have a wife of 58 years who care deeply for me. and 6 children who love me and several grandchildren and one great grandson. I am truly blessed.

 

[Gyakuto163 172]

I sometimes worry about my sense of fulfillment, my ikigai, in a physical pastime. Recently I could not engage in anything physical for 6 months (and was told this could be much longer) so the only thing that kept me going was the prospect of knowing that I would be returning to the gym and Iaido practise. But what if that prospect wasn’t there and for some reason would be never be able to return to weight training and swinging my sword around? That would be truly awful.

I’ve tried to find pastimes that are much less physically demanding (yes I like reading about Japanese political and cultural history and understanding the process of Japanese sword connoisseurship ) but nothing else really appeals to me. This I go to the gym three times a week as opposed to twice, keep my diet ‘clean’ etc in the hope I can keep physically in as good nick for as long as is possible in order to enjoy Iaido.

 

[Gyakuto163 172]

Before the 3 things I should mention I have a wife of 58 years who care deeply for me. and 6 children who love me and several grandchildren and one great grandson. I am truly blessed.

Now I’m worried you’re going to tell us your into swinging!

 

[Tony Dismukes161 57]

Now I’m worried you’re going to tell us your into swinging!

If he's got the energy for that at 80, then I'm going to be jealous.

 

[opr1945161 47]

I sometimes worry about my sense of fulfillment, my ikigai, in a physical pastime. Recently I could not engage in anything physical for 6 months (and was told this could be much longer) so the only thing that kept me going was the prospect of knowing that I would be returning to the gym and Iaido practise. But what if that prospect wasn’t there and for some reason would be never be able to return to weight training and swinging my sword around? That would be truly awful.

This is where I was at the point mentioned in my post. Only not as clearly expressed as Gyakuto has done. I had no hope for the future only expectation of continued deterioration, physically, mentally and psychologicaly.

Fortunately help came riding in as a Samari with a great shining white sword. So to speak.

 

[Gyakuto163 172]

Fortunately help came riding in as a Samari with a great shining white sword. So to speak.

Me? Oh shucks. You’re the first person to notice my shining samurai-hood. A cash gift (used, low denomination notes) is all I ask.

Not me?

 

[opr1945161 47]

FIRST: On June 11th of this year I had another rhizotomy (basically, they use radio frequency waves to deaden nerves so they will not send pain messages to the brain). This was done to my lumbar spine. This is the 4th or 5th one I have had, with varying degrees of success. Around August 1st it started to kick in and I began to have less back and leg pain. And currently I have little pain. However, the nerves will grow back and the pain will return. I still have no strength and I can only bend over slowly and with no strength and with pain.

SECOND: Around July 1st I started having new pain that ran down the back of my thighs and calves anytime I stood up or walked. I had no pain sitting or laying down. Walking became extremely painful and tiring. The pain clinic Drs. had no idea what caused it or any interest in treat it. Even with a walker walking 100 yard was painful and exhausting.

Around September 1st I was talking to a neighbor who had fallen out of a tree several years ago and had similar issues. He recommended his chiropractor to me. I have had basically negative experience with chiropractors in the past. But I was desperate. Much to my joy he actually is helping. His opinion that the L4 vertebrae is pinching the nerves. I go once a week and the pain is slowly subsiding.

While I was in less pain I realized the future held more deterioration of my skills and ability. Life was certainly improving but the future still looked grim.

Then my knight in shining armor rode in on a white horse. well, sort of.......

 

[opr1945161 47]

THIRD: My Samurai in shining white armor riding white horse and swinging his Tachi arrived. Figuratively, so to speak. He sent me a video stating that old people could actually increase their muscle mass and bone density!

EPIPHANY!!!!!

I had though that deterioration in muscle mass and bone density was irreversible in old age. I believe this is the video that he sent me:

Here is one related in which a physical therapist had those issues and reversed them.

one word summary: HOPE!

lighter free weights appear to be helpful.

This channel is dedicated to following along as her parents, 80s, get stronger. There are others. Google is your friend.

All kidding aside, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Gyakuto for changing my attitude about my future. Thank you so much. This forum has helped me more than I can describe.

Thanks all.

 

[Gyakuto163 172]

Now the hard work starts, opr1945 but if that bird-like old lady can go from only being able to stand for 30 seconds to walking unaided for 16 minutes and at a good pace, you, with your martial spirit…well you’re going to be amazing!

This next video is in Japanese but do watch it. These are 80+ year old bodybuilders. The winner of the contest is 90 years old!!

Weight trading is a miracle!

 

[Kung Fu Wang163 193]

My balance is reduced.

Besides 100 squats daily (25 x 4), the following drills can be helpful.

20 steps each direction.

1. Side‑to‑side stepping - easy
2. Wide lateral stepping - moderate
3. Front‑cross step (cover step) - intermediate
4. Grapevine step (stealing step) - advance
5. Alternating Front‑and‑Back Cross‑Step - most advanced