My sick story i made. A must read for people with strong stomachs.

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J-kid

Guest
This is my best horror story yet, If you do not like sick storys please dont read. Have fun, Post what you think of my writting.

The house of screams

As you enter the house of screams, you get a chilling sense that you are being watched. The sounds of cries for help and screams of pain, pierce your ear, like a knife threw your heart. Meat hooks with human abominations decorate the walls. You begin to shake as you look at the eaten and burnt faces of children who lay decaying on the floor. The putrid smell of rotting flesh makes you vomit adding to the fleecy covered tiles. You get a taste of bile in your mouth as a pregnant womens uterus, pops over head spilling the unborn half formed corpse into your hands. Bile from the impaled women pours down on you from her mouth. You begin to run but only after a few seconds of running you fall to the ground, as you lay there buckled up in pain. A numbing feeling travels up your spine, as something burst out of your skin. Your head tilts as you look to your right side. You scream in terror as you see a ghoulish arm sticking out of your chest. The hellish metal symbols covering the evil arm lacerate your body as it flails around wildly. You attempt to grab and subdue the arm, but it violently jerked free and with its razor sharp talons it slams into your side adding one festering wound after another. Your heart rate increases after noticing something crawling in your skin. You get dizzy after seeing the evil arm grind your esophagus in its palm. You panic and use your last bit of strength to run down a hall marked EXIT. You are just about to make it to the door that would lead to your escape. When you are paralyzed you can not move a muscle. You realize youve run into some kind of web and become petrified afraid to move. You fear what ever could have made the web. But your third arm sways back and forth fiercely. You shutter as the web shakes. Something was coming down from the left side. You yell for help as the giant black widow Ties you to the wall. You helplessly squirm trying to free yourself from the acid webbing that was eating away at your skin. And a few seconds later the spider became afraid and leaped back up into the black abyss in which it came from. But just then you see a light flickering in the background of a nearby room where you had heard shuffling earlier. You start to see in the flashes of light a man or something dressed in a doctors gown with blood stains splattered all across it. You shout for help as you draw its attention to you. It slowly turns and faces you moving ever so slowly, as it gets closer you realize it is not human for it has no face just a indentation where a expression should be. You hear a low rumble as he pulls a drill out of its chest and plunges it into yours. You scream as it goes threw the webbing and peels your flesh. Because you are the new ornament on the walls of the House of screams.

Made By Shawn AKA judo-kid
 
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M

Master of Blades

Guest
lol........That was actually kinda well written for what it was....Which leads me to my next question......What was it?


:rolleyes:
 

jfarnsworth

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your story isn't for everyone. Why did you write this short story anyway?
 
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F

fist of fury

Guest
You really need to set a mood first gore is fine but gore for the sake of gore doesn't make horror.
Disclaimer I'm am not a writer and don't claim to be good at it, but I am a huge fan of horror.

Give the house more of a set up.....

No one new the origins of the house it had stood for more than a century and even stranger still no record of it's builder remained. It is speculated that the house grew much like people grew puss filled sores a vile and wretched thing. As far as can be remembered no one has lived in the house.

...As I approached the house the first thing that struck me as odd was the darkness and evil about the house. Even though it was daylight outside the house itself seemed shrouded in darkness yet only a few old bent dead trees stood in the yard. The house itself seemed to be swallowing up the sunlight. As I stood there looking at this place I could feel the evil eminating from the house, it was overwhelming. The house somehow felt unnatural it had an alien presence about it. Was the house aware I was aproaching? Did the house summon me? I felt such a strong desire to draw closer I couldn't resist.
I stepped on the gravel side walk and made my way toward the house. It seemed eerily quite the only sound came from the crunch of gravel at my feet. I felt as if cold hands wrapped round my neck slowly squeezing the life from me my body began to feel cold and numb.
 
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J

J-kid

Guest
Hey it is my first horror story , Cut me some slack hehe
 
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JDenz

Guest
oookay lol i expected a horrific training injury.
 
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R

RCastillo

Guest
retiring, so I think the job is yours!:D
 
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DWright

Guest
I really liked the imagery. I have to agree a little intro to the set would be a good addition. Keep writing. We need another Poe.
 
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J

J-kid

Guest
Ill try and make 1 story for you guys a month so next story is next month. I will do my best to give you guys the horror which each one of you truely likes to hear.

Some storys will be better then others but i promis all will be good and well written. Spelling/grammer.

To rate my story just put a :) If you like it and a :( If you dont.

Please tell me why you like or dislike and i will try to upgrade my story next time.

I am starting to work on my book for self defense. And this is practice even if it is the wrong subject still fun. Thats what counts.
 

Nightingale

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excellent imagery! I love your word choice (i.e. "putrid") you paint a very vivid picture.

couple of suggestions:

you need paragraphs. break it up a little to give the reader's brain a chance to pause and absorb. no paragraphs tends to make your readers race through, so they lose some of the subtle stuff.

check your spelling, and not just with spellcheck. For example, "threw" is the past tense of "throw" as in "he threw the baseball." "Through" means to pass through something, like "a stake through the heart" or "travel through the tunnel". in the case of your first sentence, you needed to use the second word rather than the first one. have someone else read it (i will proofread for you if you like) because sometimes if its something you've written, your brain will skip over the mistakes, and you simply don't see them.

Instead of writing a new story, I'd like to see you flesh out this one a little more. give us some background info on the house...tell us about its first victims. why is the house like this? what is our hero (your main character) doing in the house in the first place?

you've got a really good seed of an idea. it would be very interesting to see what else you come up with.
 

D_Brady

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Hey, that sounds like the same story the babysitter gave me for not wanting to come over and watch my kids anymore.


all that a side it was cool, Judo-Kid


Dan.
 
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JDenz

Guest
Your story was okay but I hate any kind of writting in that person. (what would it be second? third? I would guess second, but anyways not to bad of a story I just don't like the U.
 
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Nyoongar

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I think you should stick with becoming a professional fighter lol j/k!
 

Nightingale

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Originally posted by JDenz
Your story was okay but I hate any kind of writting in that person. (what would it be second? third? I would guess second, but anyways not to bad of a story I just don't like the U.


It was second person. Its a difficult thing to do. Its like you're speaking directly to the audience, and it tends to make things difficult for the readers sometimes.

I would suggest he change it to third person "he entered the house" or first person from the house's point of view "I watched as he entered the house"
 

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