My Self-Defense Story

[Bill Mattocks]

So, last night, I'm on the way home from the dojo. Tired and sweaty, still wearing my gi pants and a hoodie. I'm driving my car down a side-street (there's no direct route to my house from the dojo) and I approach a train crossing and I can see that there is a train stopped on the tracks, not moving.

I have some experience with this crossing. There is a switch nearby, and sometimes the crossing will be blocked for hours while they pull apart cars. Very frustrating. There's a nearby road that has an overpass for the train tracks, so the best solution is to turn around, backtrack a mile or so, cut over a half mile, and go down the road with the trestle overpass for the train.

So, I see the car in front of me has the same idea. With no oncoming traffic (since the train prevents it), we both start to turn around in the street. My car is very small and his is larger, so I get turned around in one go, he has to back up and turn twice to complete his U-turn. But in any case, I'm well away from him and do not block him in any way.

But he comes from behind, runs up on my bumper, and passes me on the left, honking and flipping me off. He rockets down the road, clearly headed the same way I am going. I let him go.

Eventually, though, due to traffic signals and whatnot, I catch up to him. We're side-by-side on a larger street, two lanes of traffic each way, and he's stuck in the slow lane behind another car, which he's tailgating. I pass him and glance over, and he's cursing and flipping me off. Looks like a big fat guy, he does not look particularly threatening to me; except that if a guy that size gets a punch in, it can sure hurt. From how high he's sitting in his seat, I'd guess he's well over six feet tall.

I ignore him and pass, and he immediately pulls out to the left, tailgates me, starts flashing his lights and honking. I pass the slower car on my right, signal, move over to the slow lane, and this jerkwad shoots past me on the left again, swerves in front of me, and hammers his brakes. I knew he was going to do that, though, so I had already started slowing down. When he sees I didn't have to cram on my brakes to avoid hitting him, he nails the gas and speeds off.

We get to another traffic light and we're both turning right, and there's a 'no right turn on red' sign, so we're stuck. He looks back at me over his shoulder and I can see he's running his mouth, really angry. I start thinking about self-defense responses if he gets out of his car.

Fact 1: We're in Pontiac. Lots of guns and crime and violence in Pontiac. People found dead laying in the street all the time. Not far from where we are now, a young women was found executed with a bullet to the back of the head right in the middle of the street, middle of the day, no witnesses. It's not a nice area.

Fact 2: Anyone can have a gun with them. If this guy gets out of his car and starts back towards me, I will have no idea if he's armed or not until he gets to my car. If he's armed and decides to shoot me, I'm a sitting duck.

Fact 3: I look in the rear view mirror, there is no one behind me.

So I decide that if he gets out of his car, I'm going to put my car in reverse and back up as quickly as I can, while watching him. If I see a gun before I can get distance, I'm going to put it in drive and run him over. If not, I'm going to do a bootleg turn and head out of there the other way as fast as I can.

I am NOT going to get out of my car and confront him one-on-one. That's just not an option in this area, with an unknown person of unknown intent who is obviously enraged at me. If I get out of the car, there's going to be a fight. Assuming he is not armed, I might or might not win. And I will definitely have a problem either way. I'm just not going to do it.

But he does not get out of his car. He just keeps running his mouth. The light changes, we both turn right. He shoots off at a high rate of speed.

The next light, he's turning left and I'm going straight. We're side by side. I have to keep my eyes on him in case he brings up a gun all of a sudden, but he's just running his face. I keep my face impassive, I am not encouraging him, not swearing back at him, not flipping him off. I am just carefully watching. The guy is going berserk, slamming his hands on the steering wheel and he's obviously starting to sweat.

The light changes and he peels out. I drive home.

The moral of the story? A bullet trumps a fat old Marine veteran and current karate student every time. I don't know if he has a bullet or not, therefore, I am not going to fight him unless I have absolutely no choice. My ego, my sense of self-worth, my manhood, are not in jeopardy, but my butt is. I let common sense do the thinking in this case. Self-defense 101.

Here endeth the lesson.

 

[Omar B]

Reminds me of a couple weeks ago I drove out of my gated neighborhood behind this gray Bonneville Go round the corner behind him (driving slow and at a distance because it's still the township). He turns onto the main and I follow, he turns right as do I. We are both going into the gas station. I pull in and stop at the pump and I see in the Bonneville (because this is as close as I've gotten) two people, male and female, gonna be a ton between them both cursing, and flipping me off a storm. Come to find out this is all aimed at me when male Hamplanet comes out the car and we all at the gas station can hear his cursing. Between the angry gnashing of teeth, spittle, drool and chunks of food coming out his mouth I catch the part where he thinks I'm following. So I point to the neighborhood sticker on his car, then on mine and tell him he's my neighbor

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Reminds me of a couple weeks ago I drove out of my gated neighborhood behind this gray Bonneville Go round the corner behind him (driving slow and at a distance because it's still the township). He turns onto the main and I follow, he turns right as do I. We are both going into the gas station. I pull in and stop at the pump and I see in the Bonneville (because this is as close as I've gotten) two people, male and female, gonna be a ton between them both cursing, and flipping me off a storm. Come to find out this is all aimed at me when male Hamplanet comes out the car and we all at the gas station can hear his cursing. Between the angry gnashing of teeth, spittle, drool and chunks of food coming out his mouth I catch the part where he thinks I'm following. So I point to the neighborhood sticker on his car, then on mine and tell him he's my neighbor

The route I take to my dojo is a circuitous one, due to the way the neighborhoods are stuck together; a 12 mile drive can take me 40 minutes easy some days. But lots of people know the same 'shortcut' I drive, so it is not at all unusual for someone to follow me and match me turn for turn all the way to the dojo, or for me to follow them the same way. Eventually we split off to our separate destinations, but the first couple times I noticed someone 'following' me, I admit it was disconcerting. I finally twigged that it was basically the best possible route out of a set of lousy choices, and many people have figured it out the same way.

 

[Omar B]

I hear ya man. Where I live it's one way in, and out and the closest gas station is around a couple big curves then onto the main road so of course that's the one I'm going to. The funny part was the explosion of f-words and the like when the door opened from their car. They saw me in their mirror the whole time but didn't notice I live like 2 houses down from them, or the big township sticker on my windshield so I can ya know, go home.

 

[oftheherd1]

Never mind the neighborhood, Bill. These days, you just don't know who is going to go bonkers and has a gun to boot. Wise way to handle it. The only other thing to have considered was to turn away from him sooner. That may or may not have been an option based on the streets or area you were in.

 

[Swifty20]

This is a really terrific post on self-defense, Bill. Thanks for sharing it.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

This is a really terrific post on self-defense, Bill. Thanks for sharing it.

You're welcome, and welcome to MT, by the way!

I realize that stories like this aren't full of slam-bam, look at how cool and special I am demonstrating my martial arts mastery (I'm just a student, but still). But the basic premise which I try to hold on to is that self-defense is about defense of self, not defense of ego. I *wanted* to pull up to the guy at the next light, jump out of my car, and put a beat-down on him to TEACH him a LESSON in manners. But the truth is, that is not self-defense.

Any time two people fight, there is risk that someone will be hurt, hurt seriously, or even killed. Even accidentally. Even if that was not the intent. If I had gotten out of my car to teach this jerk a lesson, the BEST that could have happened would be that neither one of us got seriously injured and neither of us got arrested. All other scenarios involve people getting hurt and people going to jail. All of that to defend my ego against some idiot. So I swallowed hard and let it go. My self-defense thoughts were kept centered on HOW do I keep myself UNINJURED in this situation.

One of the things my sensei teaches as the first rule is "Don't get hit." Great rule! Well, if I don't get out of my car, I can't get hit. So that was following the first rule.

If the circumstances had been different, say for example I had been pinned in with cars to all sides of me and I could not escape, and he jumped out of his car and started running towards me, my response would have been different. I might have been forced to jump out of my car and defend myself. And if I had had to do that, I'd have gone at it tooth and nail, I assure you. No holds barred.

But fortunately for me, there was an escape route and I was prepared to take it if I had to.

So it's not an exciting story, full of daring and macho and super displays of karate prowess. But it kept me safe.

 

[Aiki Lee]

Ya, thanks for sharing. It's amazing to me how offended people can get over what they percieve to be some kind of affront to them. It's also amazing to me to see how easily some people try to "get even" with the source of their anger and not stop to think that maybe the person he's harassing is crazier and more violent than him.

 

[Steve]

Why was the guy so upset, do you think? Not suggesting anything either way, but with self defense in mind, do you think that there was an opportunity to defuse the situation?

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Why was the guy so upset, do you think? Not suggesting anything either way, but with self defense in mind, do you think that there was an opportunity to defuse the situation?

Well, from his gestures and shouting (which I could not hear, but I could certainly see his mouth parts flapping), he was angry at me. Why, I do not know. My basic assumption would have to be that he somehow thought I cut him off in traffic or something along those lines; but I am very certain that I did not. Both of us were in line towards the train blocking the road. He was ahead of me. Both of us started to turn around at roughly the same time, but I was quite aware he was there and would not have cut him off. Only when I saw that he could not make the U-turn in one car length, that he'd have to back up and have another go at it, did I do my own U-turn, which I finished in one turn and was well underway before he finished his U-turn. So he would have been behind me at that point, but he roared past me unexpectedly on the left, honking and flipping me off as he went. He just seemed to get angrier from there.

I have to assume that he had other issues causing his extreme over-reaction. Even assuming I had cut him off (which again, I'm sure I didn't), his response was well over the top, to the point of attempting to make me crash into the back of his car when he passed me a second time later on and did a 'swoop and squat', as they call that type of insurance fraud.

How could I have defused the situation? No clue on this one. Had I rolled down my window to talk to him as we waited in traffic, or have gotten out of my car, I do not think things would have gotten any better at that point. I can't picture any words that I could have used that would have placated him.

One thing I could have done, but didn't think of it at the time, was oftheherd1's good advice; if I had chosen a different route entirely, sooner. But I didn't realize I was going to catch up to him in traffic; I was intentionally driving slowly and he had raced off at top speed. By the time I realized he was next to me in traffic again, it was too late to do much about it.

Here's the stretch of road it happened on:

https://maps.google.com/maps?saddr=...H6UbymDPn7mA74kiDHPng2rQH6Ubw&mra=ls&t=m&z=15

I was heading north on Telegraph after having backtracked from Scott Lake Road near Dixie Highway (to the east on the map). I caught up with the guy heading north on Telegraph, and there's no where to turn off until we got to Walton, which is where I thought he was going to get out of his car. Nowhere to have gone the other way once I realized he was a potential threat and not just a jerk who drove by me honking his horn (on Scott Lake Road).

 

[Steve]

I agree with you that trying to talk to him would have been a mistake. Running that situation through in my head, were I in your shoes, I can only think of one thing I might have done differently, and that's to avoid stopping right next to him at the intersections. I've been in situations where someone's acting flakey or unpredictable, and I try to keep them in front of me. If they're in a lane on my side and we're going to be stopped at the same intersection, I'll stop about half a car length back, so that I'm nearer their back bumper. That way, it's awkward for them to try and make eye contact, and if they want to jump out in front of me, I can let them. And while it's hard for them to see me, I can very clearly see them and what they're doing.

As an aside, my electric car brings out some latent aggression in certain drivers. I typically drive pretty defensively. I leave lots of room in front of me, don't tailgate and don't cut people off. It doesn't frustrate me to go slower, so even if I'm behind someone poking along, I'm cool with it and in no hurry to pass. But guys in pickups and old muscle cars tailgate me all the time and cut me off and generally act like fools. It doesn't happen daily, but it's not uncommon to have someone get really worked up at the idea of my car not burning oil. I have learned that leaving a half car length or so makes a big difference. If they can't easily turn around and see me, they don't have a convenient outlet for their frustration.

 

[Flying Crane]

I don't know if he has a bullet or not, therefore, I am not going to fight him unless I have absolutely no choice. My ego, my sense of self-worth, my manhood, are not in jeopardy, but my butt is. I let common sense do the thinking in this case. Self-defense 101.

Here endeth the lesson.

bingo. give the man a prize.

 

[Takai]

I realize that stories like this aren't full of slam-bam, look at how cool and special I am demonstrating my martial arts mastery

Awareness is a crucial skill. Looks like you have that down. Your reactions (and reasoning seem spot on to me)

One of the things my sensei teaches as the first rule is "Don't get hit." Great rule! Well, if I don't get out of my car, I can't get hit. So that was following the first rule.

Yes. If more people thought like this (and acted accordingly) entire situations could be avoided. Just like you did.

So it's not an exciting story, full of daring and macho and super displays of karate prowess. But it kept me safe.

It may not seem exciting but, the last part is the most important part. It kept you safe!

 

[chinto]

good move all the way. your brain is the deadliest weapon period!! use it and It can keep you safe, and if necessary do other things too. BUT ONLY if it is loaded and IN GEAR!! Your brain was loaded, and in gear. you thought ahead, considered your options and chose wisely !! great job!

 

[Kaygee]

You know, I just do not understand why people are so pissed off in this world! The worst is when people are driving. Every day I see someone tail-gating someone or flipping someone off, or cutting each other off......all the while, they are yelling and they look like frikkin idiots because I CANNOT HEAR YOU THRU THE WINDOW!!!

Too much hate in this world. Best thing to do is just steer clear of them all. There is no telling what someone, that gets THAT pissed off in a car, is going to do to you.

 

[arnisador]

That's self-defense to me, dude!

 

[Jaeimseu]

Another example where "self defense" training isn't really necessary. (Un)common sense and a calm mind are better than any MA technique.

 

[Cyriacus]

Well played, sir. Well played.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

You know, I just do not understand why people are so pissed off in this world! The worst is when people are driving. Every day I see someone tail-gating someone or flipping someone off, or cutting each other off......all the while, they are yelling and they look like frikkin idiots because I CANNOT HEAR YOU THRU THE WINDOW!!!

Too much hate in this world. Best thing to do is just steer clear of them all. There is no telling what someone, that gets THAT pissed off in a car, is going to do to you.

I absolutely agree! When I see a person become that unhinged over whatever it was they thought I must have done to them (let's say for the sake of argument that I *had* done something like cut him off), they are by definition not rational human beings at that moment. They are basically outside of social norms and not in control of their actions. They could do anything, from getting out of their cars and fighting, to shooting someone if they have a gun, to running into them with their cars. How often do we even read on MT about how someone needs to be 'taught a lesson' as if beating them up is going to 'teach' them anything at all?

And I'm not immune to it myself. When he first passed me and honked and was flipping me off, there was an instant 'WTF' moment where I felt the anger growing inside of me, and I wanted to hit the gas, go after him and really let him have it; how dare he do that to *me*? But the part of my mind that understands consequences and danger was stronger, and I managed to keep my emotions in check.

 

[punisher73]

Another example where "self defense" training isn't really necessary. (Un)common sense and a calm mind are better than any MA technique.

I would state that a good martial art will teach you common street sense and how to develop a calm mind and that IS a martial technique. “Karate Ni Sente Nashi” There is no first initiative in karate (often stated no first strike) is taught in traditional arts. It teaches you to walk away and to remove yourself if possible or de-escalate the situation. ONLY when you have no other options do you get physical.