Misc Stories

[Drac]

LEO's are NOT perfect...On Sat I worked for the first time since being injuried...We get a 911 call from a resident saying she heard glass breaking and believes that someone is attempting to enter her apt...We respond Priority One ( lights and sirens) until we are about 2 blocks away and then we kill all the lights..We check the windows and doors for signs of breakage or forced entry, nothing..The residents let us in and the door and windows are intact..As we are leaving the resident calls " I've found it"..There in the laundry room is a glass globe from an overhead light that fell, we walked right by it as did the residents....

 

[Bill Mattocks]

I was dispatching in the call center one night and we got a couple complaints on a party going on at a city park after curfew. We sent an agent, who asked for another car, and then another - something like 100 teenagers who didn't do the usual and disperse when the marked units showed up. So one by one, they started cuffing and stuffing the loudest of the loudmouths.

Someone got into the front seat of one of the marked units and grabbed the mike.

"This is cobra commander, cobra commander, the Eagle has landed, over," he shouted into the mike.

Then silence.

Then...

"Unit 112 has traffic."

"Unit 112, send your traffic."

"Unit 112, I'll be enroute the station with one cobra commander. Have a medic meet me at the sally port, the eagle landed kind of funny on this bony kid."

"Unit 112, roger."

 

[Drac]

I was dispatching in the call center one night and we got a couple complaints on a party going on at a city park after curfew. We sent an agent, who asked for another car, and then another - something like 100 teenagers who didn't do the usual and disperse when the marked units showed up. So one by one, they started cuffing and stuffing the loudest of the loudmouths.

Someone got into the front seat of one of the marked units and grabbed the mike.

"This is cobra commander, cobra commander, the Eagle has landed, over," he shouted into the mike.

Then silence.


Then...

"Unit 112 has traffic."

"Unit 112, send your traffic."

"Unit 112, I'll be enroute the station with one cobra commander. Have a medic meet me at the sally port, the eagle landed kind of funny on this bony kid."

"Unit 112, roger."

LOL..WOW, how stupid could someone be??? Wait a tick...Last Summmer at the scene of a large fight in progress one of the suspects fled and did a double back and got into one of the cruisers and took off..He only went about a block and figured it wasnt worth it and bailed after putting the cruiser in park...Attempted GTMV of a police vehicle?? I want the movie right to that one...

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Detox...always good for a laugh...

Jefferson county detox, a great place to sleep it off. Beats being processed and booked for PI, they charge you a small fee (based on income) for the night's stay and a breakfast in the morning, and after you pass a Breathalyzer, you're free to go. It's more or less voluntary - passive drunks are offered the choice between detox and jail. Most choose detox, but some insist on jail because they're drunk and passive and stupid.

One guy didn't know there are video cameras in every room. Put on quite a show for the volunteer staff nurses. Self-abuse, yes, but very imaginative. On all fours, on his back, up against the wall, moaning, yelling, spanking his imaginary partner, etc. You would not have thought someone that drunk could be so ... energetic.

One night, a very, very, tall native american male was brought in. He was full-blood, had long black braided hair, the works. Something like 7 feet tall, I mean tall.

So he decides to bust out after a couple hours. The detox center had long since removed the bars from the windows, because people kept trying to throw chairs through them, and it's not a detention facility, so they had taken the bars off and made sure the windows went up and down (all on the first floor). So this guy opens the windows and jumps out and runs away. Again, not that uncommon.

Oh, and I should mention - when you check into detox, they take away your civvies and give you a fuzzy bathrobe to wear.

So here was the radio traffic.

"All units, be advised, BOLO for one native american male, 30 years of age, seven feet tall, straight long black hair to his waist in braids, wearing a bathrobe. Last seen on foot leaving Jeffco detox."

Silence.

"Unit 112. What color was the bathrobe?"

Silence.

"Unit 112, stand by."

Mikes started clicking like crazy. That's how the police in that jurisdiction signaled laughter on the radio.

"Unit 112"

"Unit 112"

"Unit 112, detox advises the bathrobe was blue."

"Unit 112, ah, disregard then. Thought I had traffic, but this guy's bathrobe was distinctly red."

Mike clicked nonstop for the next ten minutes. Nobody got any work done. The shift commander finally had to order a 10-3 of the net to get everybody settled down.

 

[Drac]

Our old portables and mobiles had no ID on them..Laugther and strange sounds were common place...Well the uniform Commander came to roll call one day and showed us the NEW portables..." This is the new Saber radio the dept just purchased", he said.."Those of you that like to burp, moan and fart over the air your days of being anonymous are over", he continued..I looked over at my sometimes partner Daryll and said in my best Betelgeuse voice "Ruined your good time didn't it"...The look of horror crossed is face as he said "Drac, Im gonna kill you"...

When went to sign a portable he took an old one..The Commander said " Here Daryll, take a new one".."Oh Sir, I'm not really worthy, he answered.."JUST TAKE IT", was his response...I heard about it for the rest of the shift...

 

[Bill Mattocks]

When went to sign a portable he took an old one..The Commander said " Here Daryll, take a new one".."Oh Sir, I'm not really worthy, he answered.."JUST TAKE IT", was his response...I heard about it for the rest of the shift...

We had the Mysterious Flusher. How he managed to always be near a bathroom when the WC was talking, so he could add his 'comment' at the end of every one of her speeches, I do not know.

I know I was suspected for period of time, until one night she was standing right next to me as she spoke - and she still got 'the flush' at the end of it.

 

[Drac]

Self abusers are always good for a laugh..Took a intox in one night that had warrants and stuck him in a holding cell...They were real busy so I had to wait to process him..Meanwhile the vice squad shows up with there charges.. One is a female about 16-17 and drop dead beautiful..The suspect sees that and starts his act and this non stop chat of " Aint you pretty, aint your pretty"..I tell the head jailer who opens the holding cell while removing a wicked looking buck knife and saying "Whatever is sticking out is coming off"..Use your imagination for what followed...

 

[Xue Sheng]

Self abusers are always good for a laugh..Took a intox in one night that had warrants and stuck him in a holding cell...They were real busy so I had to wait to process him..Meanwhile the vice squad shows up with there charges.. One is a female about 16-17 and drop dead beautiful..The suspect sees that and starts his act and this non stop chat of " Aint you pretty, aint your pretty"..I tell the head jailer who opens the holding cell will removing a wicked looking buck knife and saying "Whatever is sticking out is coming off"..Use your imagination for what followed...

I don't know why but this reminded me of a story from my Hospital security days

A prisoner at the county lockup was complaining his balls hurt so they took him to the hospital ER. They ran all sorts of tests and he was continually screaming about his Balls but after multiple tests the MD told the CO (corrections office) that he couldn’t find anything. The CO did not know what to do and was going to call to see what the sheriff wanted when the MD said wait a minute. And had the CO come with him and stand just out side the curtain and they started talking about the same thing all over again; the prisoners pain and all the tests except this time the MD told the CO that after all the tests there was only one thing that they could do…. And that was to amputate his gonads… to which the CO said “You mean REMOVE his BALLS” the MDs answer “Yup”

It was then a miracle happened the prisoner poked his head out of the curtain and said the pain seems to have gone away and the CO returned him the county lockup

 

[Bikewr]

I got a house burglary one winter, right after a heavy snow. Tracks led from the back door into the "common ground" area of the subdivision. I figured the tracks would just lead to the next cul-de-sac and end at where a car had been parked....
But no, my brain-trust young burglars had walked directly home. I walked into the garage where they were busily examining their "loot"....

Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett would have been appalled.

 

[Drac]

I got a house burglary one winter, right after a heavy snow. Tracks led from the back door into the "common ground" area of the subdivision. I figured the tracks would just lead to the next cul-de-sac and end at where a car had been parked....
But no, my brain-trust young burglars had walked directly home. I walked into the garage where they were busily examining their "loot"....

Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett would have been appalled.

A young punk walked into the local pawnshop with a Gibson Stratocaster worth about $5,000.00 or so I'm told..He told the owner he only wanted $100.00 so he said he had a buyer that would pay a lot more if he could wait, the kid was over joyed.Guess who he called?..A search of his vehicle yeilded more stolen items taken from a private home the night before...

 

[Xue Sheng]

A guy walked into a local Stewarts Shoppe and claimed to have the winning NYS lottery ticket. The clerk took it and asked them to wait there they had to run it through the machine in the back....guess who they called?

The LEO was a friend of mine and when he showed up the guy was still there waiting. When the clerk came out he handed him the ticket. You could see the place the number was cut out and other numbers form other tickets were taped in with scotch tape.... they didn't even fit together well.

 

[Drac]

When I was a motor cop for the Authority I happend upon a very pretty girl waiting at train station..She bumed a smoke from me and we chatted.I asked if she was a model she was that pretty..She was an airline stewardess whose luggage was lost, she had her employee ID on her but no clothes..

I offered to put her on a train to the airport but as she explained she was waiting for her boyfriend and if she went back there she would have no way to let him know that ( this is BEFORE cell phones).The boyfriend was at his Mom's and Mom disliked her and if she called there she probably wouldn't call him to the phone..

I checked on her throughout my shift and before going off duty I bought her a pack of smokes and a Diet Coke..I asked the undercover van that was on the car theft detail in the lot to keep an eye one her..They called me and said about an hour later and said her boyfriend finally showed up in a Vette, and as they drove away she was smacking the crap outta him...

 

[Rich Parsons]

I was working security for a place and it was afternoon and this guy walks in very high and scaring the customers. I ask him to leave. He just stare's at me and has no clue of what he is doing or where he is at.

I call the local police and the show up. The guy sees the police and runs to the back door. It was locked, and he ran into it and then just fell like a board to the floor. After a second or two he gets up and and goes and stands by some people. The Lock on the door was a twist lock and could have been opened if he knew what was going on.


I talk to the police officer and he goes down and talks the drugged up guy. The officer gets him moving towards the door, with some verbal exchanges. Once outside the guy and the officer start to wrestle. I step outside as the officer and the drugged guy are rolling around. The officer screams. He had been bitten. I asked if he needed help. He replied,
"No, I got it." I continue to watch. I ask again, "I can use your radio and call for help, or go use the phone and call for back up. How can I help?" (* Mind you had yelped a couple of times as he had been bitten multiple times. *) The officer ignored me. I asked a third time, and he said, "Yea, come over here and help me with this guy."

Eventually after much rolling and pulling the bad guys hands off of the officers firearm, the officer was able to break free and call on his portable radio for officer needs help. We then rolled with this guy until back up arrived. As the cars came into the parking lot we were rolling around in, the first missed my head by inches. I let go of the bad guy and rolled into the fetal position and did not move. I was yelling, "I was helping the officer by his request." over and over. The officer I was helping was given some help, and the officers showing up were not as concerned for with the safety of the bad guy. The officer I was helping told the others that I was helping him. I staid on my side in the fetal position not moving until all officers present had been informed of my status.

Sometimes people need help.

 

[Drac]

Sometimes people need help.

Yes..Thanks for offering a helping hand...

 

[Drac]

The warm weather always brings more noise complaints, usually on Friday nights when most of the work force has Sat off..Well around Midnight I respond to a noise call..Upon arrival I find 4 people in an attached playing Jenga and there is a bottle of Jagermeister on the table..

According to the homeowner if you knock the stack down, ya gotta do a shot.. Based on the condition of the pretty girl that wanted me to handcuff her she lost the most..I told them to just close the garage door and party on..They were still at it at 2 AM...Ahhhh youth...

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

The warm weather always brings more noise complaints, usually on Friday nights when most of the work force has Sat off..Well around Midnight I respond to a noise call..Upon arrival I find 4 people in an attached playing Jenga and there is a bottle of Jagermeister on the table..

According to the homeowner if you knock the stack down, ya gotta do a shot.. Based on the condition of the pretty girl that wanted me to handcuff her she lost the most..I told them to just close the garage door and party on..They were still at it at 2 AM...Ahhhh youth...

Yes Drac as we both know the warm weather brings the freaks out!

 

[Xue Sheng]

Yes Drac as we both know the warm weather brings the freaks out!

I can concur, back in my security days the warm weather brought out some amazing things.

We had a rather inebriated man appear at the ER door and insist he needed help.....his complaint...."He was dead". The local PD came and search him and found a 1/2 empty bottle of Tabasco sauce in his pocket. When asked why he had it his response was it was so hot outside he needed it for the fluid.

Another one is way to long to type but suffice to say he claimed to have turned into a giant Baby Huey type thing.

 

[Drac]

Yes Drac as we both know the warm weather brings the freaks out!

And this is JUST the beginning..The 4th of July approaches and that brings more calls than we can handle..I wish Ohio would repeal that fireworks ban and save us the headache...

 

[Rich Parsons]

And this is JUST the beginning..The 4th of July approaches and that brings more calls than we can handle..I wish Ohio would repeal that fireworks ban and save us the headache...

I am happy when it is JUST fire works and not some type of Fire Arm being shot into the air.


I also noted that in the fall when the first chill begins, and the levels of testosterone (* which is one of the reasons why Football is played in the fall *) one also sees an increase confrontations.

 

[sgtmac_46]

Sometimes we get the bad guys without any effort because they are STUPID..Got called for a lockout in the township..Arrived at the house and was met by a very pretty girl who pointed out the vehicle and said it was her boyfriend's, and he'd be right out..So I run the plate for owners info and BINGO, Felony Warrant..He comes out and gets arrested..

Several years back (when we still did vehicle lockouts) I got called to an apartment complex. Guy filled out the release. I stuck the slim jim in the door, and looked down at the lock.......and my gaze moved to the hand well depression on the inside of the door......the part you grab to shut the door.......and what do I see but a small baggie of powdery substance (which based on my training and experience appeared to be methamphetamines)...........I got the door opened, reached in and secured the baggie, which field tested positive FOR......YOU GUESSED IT!

Felony DUMB!