Losing

[Master of Blades]

I'm sorry, but I gotta whine to someone and I figured hey thats what you guys are here for! So anyway, pretty sure I have moaned bout this before but here goes......

I have this TKD friend who likes to spar with me a lot. Its a good mixture, he does a lot of kicks and punches and I'm a weapon and grappling dude. So a few days ago we were having a sparring competition and it was already 6 - 0 to me from way before. I dont personally like these competitions but I figured might as well practice. So I fought and won. I tried to shake his hand but he got pissed off and walked away to calm down saying I had cheated or something. Anyway he wanted a rematch and I won again (Not boasting here.....Its part of the story). So anyway tried to shake his hand again and he wouldnt and said I shouldnt have let it become your kinda fight. So I shrugged and said okay. Another rematch and another win to me and I still tried to help him up and everything but I think he was well pissed. I said one last match when he asked for another and to be fair he did win. I was lying on the floor, cuz Im not used to losing by tapping and it felt a bit weird. He came and helped me up and shook my hand and said I did well and started telling me what I did wrong and so on! I was like what the hell! So I got pissed off and then he started getting a bit annoyed so I left it.

Anyway sorry I just wanted to let it out......was it just bad losing or am I in the wrong or something? I asked my friend and he said its cuz I beat that guy so much that it just seems kinda like Im mocking him! Am I wrong or something!

 

[rachel]

Sounds like you were in the right. You beat him fair and square and tried to help him up and he was angry because he lost.Over and over. When he finally managed to beat you and helped you up and he started to criticize you well it sounds like he was mocking you.Not the other way around.

 

[Jay Bell]

Hey MoB,

I think personally when I saw him getting upset, I would have ended things right there and then. Probably tell him that things are getting a bit heated and you should get together another time.

I had a good buddy that studied Kook Sul Kwan when I was doing Bujinkan Taijutsu. We'd get together on Mondays and have a blast. There was never any ego...just two friends getting together and laughing at dumb mistakes we'd make or congratulate each other on good things.

I also think once he was obviously upset, that constructive critizism was salt in the wound. I probably would have kept my mouth closed unless he specifically *asked* what he was doing that was allowing you to when, etc.

When tempers flair...nothing positive gets accomplished....even though your intentions were legit.

 

[old_sempai]

after losing, and not necessarily after losing each match you may have offered advice regarding what he was doing wrong, and he simply reacted in-kind.

Or subconsciously in savoring the moment felt that since he had won, he was now entitled to take on the momentary mantle of teaching or that of a mentor? Unless of course, his observations were not offered as advice, but bordered on feeling superior after having lost so many....

Just some thoughts on human nature

 

[Cthulhu]

Friends like that, you don't need.

Cthulhu

 

[jfarnsworth]

I too believe you should have parted ways when you seen things start to go bad. It's not worth what may have happened after tempers flare up especially being in the teens for that matter. It just gets too competitive in that age group then someone ends up getting seriously hurt. I've seen first hand this exact same thing and thought what the heck is this guy doing. My friend was sparring this guy from another style and once the tempers flared up someone got a broken rib. After this guy ended up with the broken rib he started to critize how my friend was fighting. Go figure. But!! this is what happens while there are more stories out there I'm sure maybe there have been worse broken anything among those stories.

 

[J-kid]

You said you do grappling.

Trapping dos not really count.


Just curious

 

[jfarnsworth]

I think he's talking about not being tapped out that much. Maybe.

 

[sweeper]

probably just his ego..

Is he the kinda guy who will agree to a set of rules, if you break one (by accident or whatever) he says "What the hell I thought there were no 'x'" and if he breaks one he says "well it could happen on the street" ?

Out of curiosity what kinda rules do you use? Is he practicing for competition or something? If not the guy is just competing against you and that's why he's pissed.

Personaly someone like that I would probably stop speaking to..

 

[MartialArtist]

It's his ego.

He shouldn't demand a rematch. What he should do is train harder. I look at losing as a valuable experience and people shouldn't regret losing, but it's a feeling that you never want to have again. Thus, you learn from it, get better, and train harder.

 

[Master of Blades]

Originally posted by sweeper
probably just his ego..

Is he the kinda guy who will agree to a set of rules, if you break one (by accident or whatever) he says "What the hell I thought there were no 'x'" and if he breaks one he says "well it could happen on the street" ?

Out of curiosity what kinda rules do you use? Is he practicing for competition or something? If not the guy is just competing against you and that's why he's pissed.

Personaly someone like that I would probably stop speaking to..

Now that you mention it he does........The rules are pretty simple. No eyes or balls. You can only win if one person gives up or taps out through submission. I dont favour point sparring you see. I think its cuz he has never lost a competition you see. I wont take it away from him, He is a fantastic kicker but I think its because hes not used to losing and hes used to getting all the attention by doing cool stuff with kicks and stuff. I dunno

 

[bob919]

yeh i had a similar encounter once after he lost three times he didn't turn up to the forth training session when i left i found him and a couple of friends and they jumped me i ended up kicking there asses (also got a black eye) but iot justshows how tempers can flair because somepeople see a loss as a humiliation they think you were trying to make them feel bad even if you arent

 

[Master of Blades]

Originally posted by bob919
yeh i had a similar encounter once after he lost three times he didn't turn up to the forth training session when i left i found him and a couple of friends and they jumped me i ended up kicking there asses (also got a black eye) but iot justshows how tempers can flair because somepeople see a loss as a humiliation they think you were trying to make them feel bad even if you arent

You remind me strangely of Judo-kid :asian:

 

[Old Warrior]

I'm a fencer. For 10+ years I have met my buddy Rob at our fencing school, on Saturday for bouting. We fence so hard that we frequently come off the strip bleeding under our protective equipment. Then at night, we join with our Wives and have dinner together.

We never keep score. We try our hardest and never quit. When strangers come into our school we fence them for points (touches), but we never keep track between ourselves. Each of us knows who is having a good/bad day and the other person feels bad if they didn't provide a high level workout.

I for one wouldn't care if I lost every week. I'd be striving for the one day I could win and it would drive me to work harder. Now that you have had a window into the charcter of your training partner, I'd stay away from competing with him. It isn't worth the aggravation and it takes the fun out of it.

 

[jfarnsworth]

Originally posted by Master of Blades
You remind me strangely of Judo-kid :asian:

Better check the i.p. addresses quick.:rofl:

 

[sweeper]

yeah I have a freind who is the same way.. He always complains about something, usualy leg hits, and if he gets some hits in he usualy offers advise in sort of a condicending fasion, if I give advise he usualy cuts me off with "I know" we have been training in the same art just as long.. we both know everything the other does except for the relative perspective (first person and 2nd/3rd perosn) He's smaller than me but about as strong as me, on the ground he can win and he isn't like that, stand up he's realy pissy. Otherwise he's the greatest guy.. He doesn't turn it into a "match" though and he usualy doesn't take ut his frustration on me.. he just gets pissy.

If you realy like the guy, if he's a freind than maybe just next time fighting/competition comes up in a fight mention how relative winning/loosing is to the sport/art you train in (for example a boxer will win in a boxing match or a limited kicking match but a Thai boxer would win under thai rules).. Just so he can put things in perspective..

Otherwise I would just say up front if you loose your head or get mad I'm walking out.

 

[Master of Blades]

Originally posted by jfarnsworth
Better check the i.p. addresses quick.:rofl:

Why has he been banned AGAIN!!!!

:rofl:

:shrug:

 

[sweeper]

didn't realise he was banned the first time

 

[jfarnsworth]

Maybe M.O.B. has the inside scoop.:shrug:

 

[RCastillo]

Originally posted by jfarnsworth
I too believe you should have parted ways when you seen things start to go bad. It's not worth what may have happened after tempers flare up especially being in the teens for that matter. It just gets too competitive in that age group then someone ends up getting seriously hurt. I've seen first hand this exact same thing and thought what the heck is this guy doing. My friend was sparring this guy from another style and once the tempers flared up someone got a broken rib. After this guy ended up with the broken rib he started to critize how my friend was fighting. Go figure. But!! this is what happens while there are more stories out there I'm sure maybe there have been worse broken anything among those stories.

I agree. That's 2 that we agree on. Something wrong with this picture?