I wish I’d fought back…

[HighKick]

More on my story....At 17 years old I in enlisted in the military. Most of the single guys in my unit were heavy (abusive) drinkers. One day a new guy shipped in and my sergeant said spend a day with him showing him the area and get to know him. I did and we became friends. He was on football scholarship at a west coast nationally ranked university as a football full back, third string. Unlike me he was a very big guy. His girlfriend dumped him, so to get even he enlisted (I never understood that, she was still in college partying, he was in service training people to go to Viet Nam.)

One night in the local preferred bar I was insulting some guy who was about to beat me up, the new guy next stepped to me put his arm around my shoulder, I was 5'6" he was 6'6", looked down at me and said "this guy giving you trouble?" I looked at the other guy who was going to pound me and noticed he was looking up at my friend, so I said "Not anymore." Incident over. I told my friend I will buy all the beer you want, Just stay within 50' of me. Ended my fighting until I was discharged. Shortly after that I quit drinking alcohol. Quality of life improved dramatically.

This story takes me back. We have a 'crew' that regularly went bar-hopping expecting to get in a fight. One of the guys was small, about 5'-6" 150-lbs soaking wet. But get a few drinks in him and he was 10' tall.
Started more than his share of fights. Just not real good at finishing them.

 

[opr1945112 22]

Above I said "I eventually became a lawyer and resolved my disputes in the proper arena, Court not street."

Which is not right. Many disputes are in the moment and demand instant response. Waiting to take your turn in court is not an option. Maybe getting revenge later, in or out of court, is possible, maybe it isn't.

Personally, after I quit drinking and visiting places when alcohol is available, and got married and had kids my life changed 100% from when I was single and drinking. Since then I rarely find my self where fisticuffs are an immediate potential outcome. And when that might happen I find my verbal resolution skills have vastly improved.

I was talking to a guy was sober but continued to frequent places of ill repute. He said when I was drinking I would be sitting in a bar and all of a sudden a fight would break out of nowhere. Now sober I sit in a bar and most of the fights start slowly and build up to hitting. When I see something coming I just get up and leave. But I didn't see them coming before. That's me today, when the fight starts I no be there.

In retrospect the changes I made resulted in a much better life for me and my family.

 

[opr1945112 22]

This story takes me back. We have a 'crew' that regularly went bar-hopping expecting to get in a fight. One of the guys was small, about 5'-6" 150-lbs soaking wet. But get a few drinks in him and he was 10' tall.
Started more than his share of fights. Just not real good at finishing them.

Was that in either SW Michigan or SW Utah? could have been me. I was 5'6" about 135# at the time? LOL

 

[Gyakuto115 124]

Above I said "I eventually became a lawyer and resolved my disputes in the proper arena, Court not street."

Which is not right. Many disputes are in the moment and demand instant response. Waiting to take your turn in court is not an option. Maybe getting revenge later, in or out of court, is possible, maybe it isn't.

Initiating legal proceedings has become such an unsatisfying means of recompense that it’s often, at best, pyrrhic.

Put on the gloves and fight it out in the ring!

Personally, after I quit drinking and visiting places when alcohol is available, and got married and had kids my life changed 100% from when I was single and drinking. Since then I rarely find my self where fisticuffs are an immediate potential outcome. And when that might happen I find my verbal resolution skills have vastly improved.

I was talking to a guy was sober but continued to frequent places of ill repute. He said when I was drinking I would be sitting in a bar and all of a sudden a fight would break out of nowhere. Now sober I sit in a bar and most of the fights start slowly and build up to hitting. When I see something coming I just get up and leave. But I didn't see them coming before. That's me today, when the fight starts I no be there.

In retrospect the changes I made resulted in a much better life for me and my family.

Ahh the joys of alcohol. It should be banned!

 

[opr1945112 22]

Initiating legal proceedings has become such an unsatisfying means of recompense that it’s often, at best, pyrrhic.

But, it doesn't leave you on the floor all bloody, at least not physically. or in jail, hospital or morgue.

 

[Gyakuto115 124]

But, it doesn't leave you on the floor all bloody, at least not physically. or in jail, hospital or morgue.

…I’d rather those states than dealing with solicitor’s bills! The courts are for the well-off…

 

[opr1945112 22]

…I’d rather those states than dealing with solicitor’s bills! The courts are for the well-off…

Actually, my opinion is the whole system benefits the wealthy. Housing, employment, transportation and even health care.

The wealthy are different from the rest of us, they have more money.

 

[Prince_Alarming114 144]

I was bullied all through school, and it went a lot further than just name calling and shoving. I still have feelings of guilt that I was unable to defend myself too. It's something I've learned to let go of, and I've got to the point where I can terminate the thought before it becomes obsessive by various techniques I was taught in DBT. Most of all I learned that forgiveness is not about letting others walk over you, or humbling yourself. It's about freedom. It's pointless carrying around all that trauma and regret, and I always feel better when I am able to let it go.

 

[Gyakuto115 124]

The wealthy are different from the rest of us, they have more money.

 

[Wing Woo Gar49 11]

I got beat up in 3rd grade, fat lip, bloody nose. I didn’t fight back I just got pummeled. We both got suspended, my dad picked me up from school. My dad got me home and said “let me see your hands, you didnt fight back?” Then he beat me sideways, knocking me flat and said “ now if you don’t fight back the next time, there is something worse waiting for you when you get home”. My great uncle and my grandfather were both boxers in the navy, and they decided to teach me and my best friend how. After a few weeks I got into a fight and quickly won with a single jab and hook. I was so terrified that there were no marks on my hands I ran my knuckles along the stucco wall on the way to the principles office. That day dad picked me up, looked at my hands and said nothing. We got home and I was shaking from fear but no beating came that day. After that, I would absolutely take off on anyone who I even thought might be considering messing with me. It ended with me in jail several times for battery, aggravated battery, assault with a deadly weapon ( boot/brick ) before I even turned 17. I put my cousins in the hospital twice. I was lucky, I spent a lot of time on probation, community service and paying fines and restitution. I never ended up with a felony in the end but was charged twice. It took me a very long time to correct my unbridled aggression in these circumstances and it’s something I struggle with to this day. I grew up around incredible violence so my family members (many career criminals) never thought much about my propensity for violence. I had no compunctions about fighting fair or using weapons or ambushing someone who wronged me. I tell you this because I still deal with issues related to this. For you who have guilt or feel bad because you didn’t fight back, don’t, it could be worse if you did. I’m lucky I never killed anyone, I certainly could have, that could have completely ruined my life. I was never a bully, but I certainly went too far on too many occasions to count. I regret some of those, and probably always will.

 

[Kung Fu Wang114 145]

"if you don’t fight back the next time, there is something worse waiting for you when you get home”.

My son got into his first fight when he was in his junior high. I was so happy that day. I told him that I got into my first fight when I was in my 1st grade. I fought a lot when I was in the grade school. Those grade school fights were not serious any way. Never got into any fight in junior high and senior high. I had to spend all my time study schoolwork instead. There was serious senior high school entrance exam and college entrance exam. A better senior high will have better chance to go to better college. The competition was hard. Never went to bed before 2 am since my 7th grade. There was no time for anything else but study, study, and still study.

 

[Gyakuto115 124]

An incredible account, @Wing Woo Gar ! I suppose it’s an example of having the ability to fight but with unbridled aggression and lack of behavioural control; you were just a young person after all. Is there any intervention that would’ve prevented you from travelling the path you did?

I think there are two types of young people in the world: those who push against authority, ignore the potential consequences of their actions and are generally nonconformist. Then there are those who have, what I call, ‘the fear’; ie. obey authority figures, don’t want to get in trouble and generally conform to societal norms. We can probably sort ourselves into which we belong and I think the lives of each category, outwardly at least, appear either difficult or ‘better lubricated’.

Slather me in axle grease!

 

[HighKick]

Was that in either SW Michigan or SW Utah? could have been me. I was 5'6" about 135# at the time? LOL

TN

 

[Wing Woo Gar49 11]

An incredible account, @Wing Woo Gar ! I suppose it’s an example of having the ability to fight but with unbridled aggression and lack of behavioural control; you were just a young person after all. Is there any intervention that would’ve prevented you from travelling the path you did?

I think there are two types of young people in the world: those who push against authority, ignore the potential consequences of their actions and are generally nonconformist. Then there are those who have, what I call, ‘the fear’; ie. obey authority figures, don’t want to get in trouble and generally conform to societal norms. We can probably sort ourselves into which we belong and I think the lives of each category, outwardly at least, appear either difficult or ‘better lubricated’.

Slather me in axle grease!

I was never a tough guy but I have certainly known a few. I was raised by and around a lot of sociopathic people. I never knew the difference until I was an adult. When I was about 5 I was walking with my grandfather and we got to a corner where a truck was on fire and a man had another man held at gunpoint, the man with the gun looked at my grandfather who nodded and then the man shot the other man in the head and we walked back the way we came and just never talked about it. Two of my uncles were murdered, one other uncle died in San Quentin state penitentiary doing double life plus 40 years for multiple murders. When I was 12 I found my grandmother dead on her couch, shot in the head twice ( supposedly suicide with a .32 automatic she kept in her purse ). Not many people can pull the trigger three times ( the gun had jammed on the third pull ). My father spent time in prison for counterfeiting money, pimping and pandering, grand theft, extortion, fraud, etc. People were very afraid of my father, even other family members, neighbors and particularly his associates. I was never left with babysitters, I went out with him as a child to restaurants and meetings until all hours, even on school nights. I only know one other kid who grew up like me and his father was my father’s closest friend. In my early forties I discovered several half sisters, I am thankful they never knew him. I doubt that much could have changed my circumstances but I’m remarkably well adapted all things considered. Honestly, it just seems like a movie now, I just sort of packed those memories away until I was in my mid 30s. I made up with my dad in those days and just accepted that he could not be more than he was. Best thing I ever did. Forgiveness and acceptance are the keys to being okay with whatever happened in your life that still troubles you.

 

[isshinryuronin4 4]

I was never a tough guy but I have certainly known a few. I was raised by and around a lot of sociopathic people. I never knew the difference until I was an adult. When I was about 5 I was walking with my grandfather and we got to a corner where a truck was on fire and a man had another man held at gunpoint, the man with the gun looked at my grandfather who nodded and then the man shot the other man in the head and we walked back the way we came and just never talked about it. Two of my uncles were murdered, one other uncle died in San Quentin state penitentiary doing double life plus 40 years for multiple murders. When I was 12 I found my grandmother dead on her couch, shot in the head twice ( supposedly suicide with a .32 automatic she kept in her purse ). Not many people can pull the trigger three times ( the gun had jammed on the third pull ). My father spent time in prison for counterfeiting money, pimping and pandering, grand theft, extortion, fraud, etc. People were very afraid of my father, even other family members, neighbors and particularly his associates. I was never left with babysitters, I went out with him as a child to restaurants and meetings until all hours, even on school nights. I only know one other kid who grew up like me and his father was my father’s closest friend. In my early forties I discovered several half sisters, I am thankful they never knew him. I doubt that much could have changed my circumstances but I’m remarkably well adapted all things considered. Honestly, it just seems like a movie now, I just sort of packed those memories away until I was in my mid 30s. I made up with my dad in those days and just accepted that he could not be more than he was. Best thing I ever did. Forgiveness and acceptance are the keys to being okay with whatever happened in your life that still troubles you.

What kept you from following the same path as your family?

 

[Gyakuto115 124]

I was never a tough guy but I have certainly known a few. I was raised by and around a lot of sociopathic people. I never knew the difference until I was an adult. When I was about 5 I was walking with my grandfather and we got to a corner where a truck was on fire and a man had another man held at gunpoint, the man with the gun looked at my grandfather who nodded and then the man shot the other man in the head and we walked back the way we came and just never talked about it. Two of my uncles were murdered, one other uncle died in San Quentin state penitentiary doing double life plus 40 years for multiple murders. When I was 12 I found my grandmother dead on her couch, shot in the head twice ( supposedly suicide with a .32 automatic she kept in her purse ). Not many people can pull the trigger three times ( the gun had jammed on the third pull ). My father spent time in prison for counterfeiting money, pimping and pandering, grand theft, extortion, fraud, etc. People were very afraid of my father, even other family members, neighbors and particularly his associates. I was never left with babysitters, I went out with him as a child to restaurants and meetings until all hours, even on school nights. I only know one other kid who grew up like me and his father was my father’s closest friend. In my early forties I discovered several half sisters, I am thankful they never knew him. I doubt that much could have changed my circumstances but I’m remarkably well adapted all things considered. Honestly, it just seems like a movie now, I just sort of packed those memories away until I was in my mid 30s. I made up with my dad in those days and just accepted that he could not be more than he was. Best thing I ever did. Forgiveness and acceptance are the keys to being okay with whatever happened in your life that still troubles you.

F**k me sideways! I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything approaching a childhood account, such as this. I feel a bit ashamed sharing my pathetic bullying story! You must be super-humanly resilient and I do wonder if you’ve used counselling or similar to help make you the (handsome) person you now are.

 

[HighKick]

I was never a tough guy but I have certainly known a few. I was raised by and around a lot of sociopathic people. I never knew the difference until I was an adult. When I was about 5 I was walking with my grandfather and we got to a corner where a truck was on fire and a man had another man held at gunpoint, the man with the gun looked at my grandfather who nodded and then the man shot the other man in the head and we walked back the way we came and just never talked about it. Two of my uncles were murdered, one other uncle died in San Quentin state penitentiary doing double life plus 40 years for multiple murders. When I was 12 I found my grandmother dead on her couch, shot in the head twice ( supposedly suicide with a .32 automatic she kept in her purse ). Not many people can pull the trigger three times ( the gun had jammed on the third pull ). My father spent time in prison for counterfeiting money, pimping and pandering, grand theft, extortion, fraud, etc. People were very afraid of my father, even other family members, neighbors and particularly his associates. I was never left with babysitters, I went out with him as a child to restaurants and meetings until all hours, even on school nights. I only know one other kid who grew up like me and his father was my father’s closest friend. In my early forties I discovered several half sisters, I am thankful they never knew him. I doubt that much could have changed my circumstances but I’m remarkably well adapted all things considered. Honestly, it just seems like a movie now, I just sort of packed those memories away until I was in my mid 30s. I made up with my dad in those days and just accepted that he could not be more than he was. Best thing I ever did. Forgiveness and acceptance are the keys to being okay with whatever happened in your life that still troubles you.

Praying you made a different life for you and your family.

 

[Wing Woo Gar49 11]

What kept you from following the same path as your family?

Fear of prison. I did not like visiting the jail. As I said, I was never a tough guy.

 

[Wing Woo Gar49 11]

F**k me sideways! I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything approaching a childhood account, such as this. I feel a bit ashamed sharing my pathetic bullying story! You must be super-humanly resilient and I do wonder if you’ve used counselling or similar to help make you the (handsome) person you now are.

I never had any professional counseling. I did find my Sifu very helpful as his childhood made mine seem idyllic.

 

[Wing Woo Gar49 11]

F**k me sideways! I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything approaching a childhood account, such as this. I feel a bit ashamed sharing my pathetic bullying story! You must be super-humanly resilient and I do wonder if you’ve used counselling or similar to help make you the (handsome) person you now are.

Several years of military academy got me away from my family during my middle school and early high school years which gave me additional coping skills.