I just finished reading through the thread "How do I quit?" posted by Kaygee. I was glad that Kaygee decided to go in and tell his instructor that he was quitting in person. I'm sure it was difficult, but it sounds to me like the honorable thing to do. And I wish Kaygee the best as he continues his lifelong martial arts journey.
Now, some thoughts on quitting form the other side... As an instructor of a small time, non-commercial school, I have some of the same problems as Kaygee's instructor. Often I'm rushing off to teach class after my day job, I'm tired, and don't always give the best lesson. Some classes probably seem less than exciting, even boring. And, as we are a traditional school taught by an old fart with a bad back (me) we don't mix it up and have as much "realism" as some would like. Ironically, others may find us too aggressive and not "spiritual" enough.
Whatever. We are what we are: a dedicated little group struggling to keep a particular lineage of a traditional art alive in our area. I accept that different students have different needs, and that martial arts is a deeply personal thing. If a student decides that our group isn't a good fit for them, they can leave with my blessing. I may even recommend other instructors in the area who are known for their quality instruction in other arts. All I ask is that a student talk to me either in person or on the phone to let me know what's going on. As our group is built on the TCMA "family model" we do develop a bit of a bond, and it bothers me deeply if a student just drops out and disappears with no explanation.
In fact this very thing just happenned last August. I returned from a week of extensive personal training in another state with my own instructor and was keen to work closely with my two higher ranking students. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. One broke his finger playing basketball and was out for a month, and the other just disappeared. Admittedly, he wasn't someone I'd trained from scratch. He came into my school with the equivalent of about a "brown belt" (we don't use a belt system) and had only been with me for about a year. But regardless, he had been a loyal and dependable student and assistant. He always paid his dues early, had good attendance, and always contacted me in advance if he had to miss a class.
Then, I get back from my seminar and he contacts me telling me that he has to take a couple of weeks off due to his job.... but that he expected to make enough extra money to be set for the fall, and even reserved a spot for our fall seminar with the head of our national organization. It all sounded good.
After that, there was one last email saying that his work commitment was wrapping up and he expected to be back in class in a week or so, then ...nothing. Weeks passed with no contact. I called and left a couple of phone messages and emails expressing concern, but got no response. This from a guy who had always contacted me if he was going to miss a class. Finally, the big fall seminar was approaching and the head instructor of our of our association personally emailed him. Again, no response. That was a few weeks ago now, and I don't know if the guy quit, got in a car wreck, had a heart attack and died (he's in his mid 50s like me) or what!?!
I suppose if I ran a big commercial operation I wouldn't care about each individual student. But in TCMA your group is your Kung-fu family. The title Si-fu means "teacher-father", and in cases like this I worry about my students. That's why I prefer that they contact me personally if they decide to stop training or go elsewhere. I suppose that sounds nuts in today's world, but that's how I feel. Any thoughts?
Now, some thoughts on quitting form the other side... As an instructor of a small time, non-commercial school, I have some of the same problems as Kaygee's instructor. Often I'm rushing off to teach class after my day job, I'm tired, and don't always give the best lesson. Some classes probably seem less than exciting, even boring. And, as we are a traditional school taught by an old fart with a bad back (me) we don't mix it up and have as much "realism" as some would like. Ironically, others may find us too aggressive and not "spiritual" enough.
Whatever. We are what we are: a dedicated little group struggling to keep a particular lineage of a traditional art alive in our area. I accept that different students have different needs, and that martial arts is a deeply personal thing. If a student decides that our group isn't a good fit for them, they can leave with my blessing. I may even recommend other instructors in the area who are known for their quality instruction in other arts. All I ask is that a student talk to me either in person or on the phone to let me know what's going on. As our group is built on the TCMA "family model" we do develop a bit of a bond, and it bothers me deeply if a student just drops out and disappears with no explanation.
In fact this very thing just happenned last August. I returned from a week of extensive personal training in another state with my own instructor and was keen to work closely with my two higher ranking students. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. One broke his finger playing basketball and was out for a month, and the other just disappeared. Admittedly, he wasn't someone I'd trained from scratch. He came into my school with the equivalent of about a "brown belt" (we don't use a belt system) and had only been with me for about a year. But regardless, he had been a loyal and dependable student and assistant. He always paid his dues early, had good attendance, and always contacted me in advance if he had to miss a class.
Then, I get back from my seminar and he contacts me telling me that he has to take a couple of weeks off due to his job.... but that he expected to make enough extra money to be set for the fall, and even reserved a spot for our fall seminar with the head of our national organization. It all sounded good.
After that, there was one last email saying that his work commitment was wrapping up and he expected to be back in class in a week or so, then ...nothing. Weeks passed with no contact. I called and left a couple of phone messages and emails expressing concern, but got no response. This from a guy who had always contacted me if he was going to miss a class. Finally, the big fall seminar was approaching and the head instructor of our of our association personally emailed him. Again, no response. That was a few weeks ago now, and I don't know if the guy quit, got in a car wreck, had a heart attack and died (he's in his mid 50s like me) or what!?!
I suppose if I ran a big commercial operation I wouldn't care about each individual student. But in TCMA your group is your Kung-fu family. The title Si-fu means "teacher-father", and in cases like this I worry about my students. That's why I prefer that they contact me personally if they decide to stop training or go elsewhere. I suppose that sounds nuts in today's world, but that's how I feel. Any thoughts?
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