How would you handle this?

[chinto01]

Hey all. Hope you are enjoying the dog days of summer. I have an interesting dilema and thought I would get your feedback. Let me preface this however by saying that I am very open to learning from others and have never turned away anyone who will enhance my knowledge no matter what rank they were.

We have a student at our dojo who is dating someone who studies another style. Our student brings their significant other to classes as well as dojo functions. We consider ourselves more of a family than a dojo. To make a long story short I was teaching a seminar last month and out of the blue the significant other who was attending the seminar as a guset and not participating decided from the viewing area to inform the attendees of the seminar how his style teaches it. I let him add his point of view and thought nothing more of it. It bothered me yes but no big deal at that point. Fast forward now to last evening. I was working with the other black belts and instructing them on some drills and the students significant other was there again. Not once did he interupt class with his thoughts on things but he interrupted the owner of the school. He also interrupted the drills I was teaching to the black belts. Something needs to be done but I do not want to offend our student, however if he interrupts another one of my classes I may hit the roof. Any thoughts?

In the spirit of bushido!

Rob

 

[KempoGuy06]

I would just put it politely that you do not usually allow people in the waiting area to talk to people on the mats. Leave it at that and he will get the picture. If he continues to disrupt class, say something to the student of yours that is bringing them, tell them that "you do not mind guests but that the guest they are bringing has disrupted class on a number of occasions and that they need to say something to them or they are no longer allowed to bring them to the dojo"

B

 

[OUMoose]

..Not once did he interupt class with his thoughts on things but he interrupted the owner of the school. He also interrupted the drills I was teaching to the black belts...

What did the owner do when interrupted?

Personally, I would take them both aside after a class briefly and ask if there were some issues. Gently remind the guest that his significant other is also being interrupted. Just try to keep it casual. If it's made into a big spectacle, your student would probably be unavoidably embarrassed.

Just my opinion.

 

[shesulsa]

What did the owner do when interrupted?

Personally, I would take them both aside after a class briefly and ask if there were some issues. Gently remind the guest that his significant other is also being interrupted. Just try to keep it casual. If it's made into a big spectacle, your student would probably be unavoidably embarrassed.

Just my opinion.

You could start there. You could also ask to visit this instructor's school and set an example of what you expect of people like him/her. Then when s/he returns, take him/her aside again and point out that you're concerned that his presence disrupts the lessons and ask what his/her intentions are.

And definitely ask the owner if this person is a guest instructor or what up.

 

[bushidomartialarts]

I'd have a friendly sit down with the SO. Mention that, although it may work differently at his school, you would appreciate it if he didn't interrupt class. I'm certain his sensei wouldn't tolerate that sort of behavior at his school.

Try to avoid being authoritarian. I find, when I have to put in the boot, I get a lot of milage out of being humorous or even self-effacing.

 

[morph4me]

I would just remind the significant other that he is a guest and, as such, should either sit quietly or, if unable to do that, remove himself. An alternative would be to have a talk with your student and let her know that if she brings a guest to your dojo he is expected to sit quietly, otherwise he'll be asked to leave.

 

[Carol]

Be direct.

Take the guest aside and remind him that everyone in the school has a responsibility to help the students have a great class, and ask him politely to do his part by keeping quiet when he visits.

 

[shesulsa]

A teen girl in one of my self-defense classes kept saying, "that's not what my sensei teaches us" and "that's not what my sensei does."

So I finally asked her to do what her sensei does on me, not knowing what it was - didn't work.

Then I asked if she was teaching the class ... "no." Was her sensei teaching the class ... "no." Would he accept me as a student if I wanted to take *his* class ... "yes." Would he find it appropriate for me to interrupt his class to show what *I* do ... "no." Would he find it appropriate for his student to do the same in another teacher's class ... "probably not."

She was quiet and compliant for the rest of the evening.

 

[JBrainard]

I'd have a friendly sit down with the SO. Mention that, although it may work differently at his school, you would appreciate it if he didn't interrupt class. I'm certain his sensei wouldn't tolerate that sort of behavior at his school.

Exactly. I don't think that it needs to be any more touchy feely than that. My instructor makes it clear from the get go that guests are to remain quiet durring class and he sure as hell wouldn't tollerate the behavior the OP described.

 

[Kacey]

All of the above!

There are 2 main possibilities here:

1) The SO is trying to help, and (possibly) does not understand the protocol he is violating by interfering with the class, or (also possibly) does not care about the protocol he is violating by interfering with the class

2) The SO is convinced that his way is better, and does not see his interruptions as a problem, but as an addition to the class.

Either way, the SO needs to be informed of the protocol required of guests, and the student also needs to be informed of the protocol required of guests. I would suggest speaking to each of them separately, rather than together, as speaking to them together may cause more in the way of hard feelings and/or defensiveness on the part of one or both of them. Just be sure you say the same thing to both of them, about why the SO shouldn't interrupt, what functions the SO is welcome to attend, and what the consequences for continued interruptions will be. This last will be the hardest, but make sure you choose something you can - and will - stick to, because if you say continued interruptions will lead consequence "x" and then don't do it, you'll never gain control of the situation.

If you determine that the SO is well-meaning rather than malicious or egotistical in his interruptions, you might consider having the SO teach a class or seminar outside the regular class times - but make sure that SO knows it's additional, and needs to be taught from the "here's what we do" perspective, and not the "here's why we're better" perspective.

 

[rutherford]

Something needs to be done but I do not want to offend our student, however if he interrupts another one of my classes I may hit the roof. Any thoughts?

In the spirit of bushido!

Rob

My first thought is that if you're worried about hitting the roof, then you've let the issue go on for far too long.

The others upthread are spot on that he needs to be politely told not to interrupt class. However, if he's already attending as a guest, you might invite him to shut up, get on the training floor, and try it your way. Then, perhaps after class, you and he and anybody who is interested can discuss and even experiment with the differences when it's not interrupting training.

I really can't understand attending class as a guest. The only time I've sat out on any training was because I was sidelined by an injury.

 

[Lynne]

This sounds to me like a basic etiquette problem. In addition to the other suggestions, it would be nice to hand out a revamped etiquette flier for parents and guests (no cellphone usage in the viewing area, guests are asked to be quiet and respectful of the class and instructors, etc.).

I'm serious. Adults need to be reminded and this could help prevent future problems. One would think a martial artist would know better. Eh...ego's.

Would you believe a parent was using her cellphone during one of our tests? Her son was testing. You would have thought...

 

[shesulsa]

This sounds to me like a basic etiquette problem. In addition to the other suggestions, it would be nice to hand out a revamped etiquette flier for parents and guests (no cellphone usage in the viewing area, guests are asked to be quiet and respectful of the class and instructors, etc.).

I'm serious. Adults need to be reminded and this could help prevent future problems. One would think a martial artist would know better. Eh...ego's.

Would you believe a parent was using her cellphone during one of our tests? Her son was testing. You would have thought...

AMEN SISTER!!

We recently had a mom bring her laptop to her son's yudansha test - and USE IT!!! :erg:

I think posting visitor ettiquette expectations or a handout is a great idea!

 

[Lynne]

AMEN SISTER!!

We recently had a mom bring her laptop to her son's yudansha test - and USE IT!!! :erg:

I think posting visitor ettiquette expectations or a handout is a great idea!

You know, that's sad the mom did that. Then again, some parents "dump" their kids off and don't even stay for the testing. I'm not sure which is worse!

The parents were getting quite loud and rowdy during class at one point. Master R removed the metal chairs and put in bleachers (I heard this is why he did so, but that's only hearsay). I can't say that's helped though they are not all that comfortable. Finally, something was put in the school newsletter asking parents to be respectful of instructors and students, to be quieter.

 

[Blindside]

Go get a pair of gloves, walk over to the SO and say "show me what your art does," while putting on your own gloves. I've never seen a "talker" step up, usually they sit down and shut up.

I don't see any reason to be nice or polite about this.

Lamont

 

[Bumblebee]

In the seminar, if it's during a point where open discussion is allowed, then I see no problem with asking questions mentioning other martial arts, but if you're doing a demonstration, they should watch the whole thing first. During class, unless spoken to, he should sit there and be quiet or be prepared to catch five across the eyes. I'd take the matter up with the owner of the studio if you have no say in the matter and let the owner take care of him. If he simply doesn't listen though, I'd do what shesulsa suggested.

 

[jks9199]

Lots of good advice above.

Personally, I find that it's almost always better to start by being polite rather than aggressively confrontational. Ask him to show the basic courtesy as a guest to let you teach things the way you do them; explain that if he can't do this, he will not be welcome. Make sure the student from your class is present for this. (Are you sure your student isn't doing the same thing when she visits his classes?) If he's receptive, and there's a place to fit it in, it might be interesting for everyone to allow him to demonstrate in your class sometime, or to arrange a joint session between the schools.

But, if politeness doesn't work... Hey, you can always accomodate him on the mat!

 

[karate-dragon]

I would politely remind the person that brings the guest of proper dojo rules. I remind all of my students politely that whenever an instructor is teaching that they owe that person their total respect for that class. After the class they can question or talk to the instructor or they can come to me with a question if they disagree with the instructor or question how something was taught. But during that class they do it that way without being disrespectful. I would question where this person is from if they can't understand respect.

 

[MJS]

Hey all. Hope you are enjoying the dog days of summer. I have an interesting dilema and thought I would get your feedback. Let me preface this however by saying that I am very open to learning from others and have never turned away anyone who will enhance my knowledge no matter what rank they were.

We have a student at our dojo who is dating someone who studies another style. Our student brings their significant other to classes as well as dojo functions. We consider ourselves more of a family than a dojo. To make a long story short I was teaching a seminar last month and out of the blue the significant other who was attending the seminar as a guset and not participating decided from the viewing area to inform the attendees of the seminar how his style teaches it. I let him add his point of view and thought nothing more of it. It bothered me yes but no big deal at that point. Fast forward now to last evening. I was working with the other black belts and instructing them on some drills and the students significant other was there again. Not once did he interupt class with his thoughts on things but he interrupted the owner of the school. He also interrupted the drills I was teaching to the black belts. Something needs to be done but I do not want to offend our student, however if he interrupts another one of my classes I may hit the roof. Any thoughts?

In the spirit of bushido!

Rob

Rather than making a big scene and taking away from the class, I'd speak to the person, privately, after the class was over. IMHO, it is not fair to you, the students, or anyone else that may be teaching, for this person to add their .02 in the middle of your class!

As for offending your student...she may already be offended or embarrassed at what her significant other is doing. Either way, the point is, this party is being rude and it needs to be addressed. If the female student gets upset, well..as harsh as it may sound, but too bad. I know you said you wanted to avoid that, but she needs to realize that her 'friend' is being rude.

Good luck with this.

Mike

 

[searcher]

I am not sure if this has been mentioned, but I would have a discussion with the SO's instructor. We had this problem a couple of times from others that came from a rival school. You may also tell them both that if they don't like the way you are teaching it, they should consider dropping the one's enrollment at your school and go to the SO's school.