Holiday Eating Tips

Rich Parsons

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Holiday Eating Tips


1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.


2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!


3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.


4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.


5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.


6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is
the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.


7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming thecenter of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.


8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?


9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.


10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips: start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
 

TigerWoman

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So a three thousand extra calories a day (no exercise) x 17 days = 51,000 calories divided by 3600 = 14.2 lbs. or 64 hours or January exercise @ the rate of 800 calories per hr.-thats working hard. Merry Christmas and a unhappy New Year come January. :D TW
 

Lisa

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My holiday eating tips:

If it smells good... eat lots of it :D

This has worked for me in previous years, however, I must warn those that are not seasoned gluttons to be wary and wear stretchy pants :D
 

chinto01

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For the holidays I am on the see food diet. I see food and I eat it!

Happy Holidays!!!!!
 

Feisty Mouse

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LOL!!! Rich, this was fabulous. I especially liked the necessary naps, after hefting around all the food and eggnog!

TigerWoman - ACK! :D No no no, no raining on the binge-eating-overeating-delusional-eating parade! (lol)
 

The Kai

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This is really my weekly eating routine, except with a audience:partyon:

Todd
 

MA-Caver

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Rich Parsons said:
Holiday Eating Tips
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is
the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
Aww man, that means no going to the dojo to try out that new Bo-staff or show off that flashy new Gi or any thing Martial arts related that you found under the tree. Then ya gotta work your butt off to get rid of those ten pounds packed over the holidays, after the first of the year. Folks at work will wonder why you're looking so peaked everyday.
Nah man, it's the BEST time to go work out, the next day. :D
 
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