CoryKS
Senior Master
"Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills..."
Do chicks dig martial arts?
- Thread starter Flea
- Start date
martialartess
White Belt
It's a good question, but I'm curious because there seems to be two different threads here. Are we talking about "do chicks dig partners who do martial arts?" or are we talking about "do chick dig doing martial arts"?
As a woman, I'd say the former is definitely true. At least most women I know love to watch martial artists. Like swimmers, they tend to be lean, athletic and not muscle-bound. They have a beauty and grace I think many women find very attractive. But when it comes to actually choosing a partner, I don't think martial arts weighs in very much.
As for the latter, well, as a whole, I say no. It's changing -- slowly -- but there's still a lot of stigma attached to women who practice martial arts. I've been involved in martial arts off and on since 1985 and I've found that men, if they're not into martial arts themselves, seem to be intimidated by female martial artists. There's still that stereotype floating around that women in the martial arts are all men-haters and ball-busting lesbians, something that's definitely not true.
Women are also conditioned by society not to intimidate men, not to be "too strong". It's considered unfeminine and unattractive in a woman. My fiance just started martial arts couple of months back and I've had people (outside the dojang) tell me "Since J's now taking it, you can quit, right?"; *Sigh* And I've been asked that by primarily women.
As far as women leaving abusive relationships -- well that's whole other and very complex topic and something that's not easily answered. I was in an abusive marriage for nearly 10 years. And before I even met my abusive ex I'd achieved a blue belt in tae kwon do. An abusive relationship is a form of brainwashing and teaching women martial arts -- while I agree is valuable -- doesn't automatically mean women will leave.
Bill Mattox called it a "dead choice" and that's something to remember, because many women fear that leaving their partner will be a "dead choice" -- literally, In many cases, the partner threatens to kill the woman and/or her family and children. But that's a topic that deserves it's own discussion. If anyone's interested exploring this subject further, I wrote a blog post called Domestic Abuse: 12 Reasons Why Women Stay.
As a woman, I'd say the former is definitely true. At least most women I know love to watch martial artists. Like swimmers, they tend to be lean, athletic and not muscle-bound. They have a beauty and grace I think many women find very attractive. But when it comes to actually choosing a partner, I don't think martial arts weighs in very much.
As for the latter, well, as a whole, I say no. It's changing -- slowly -- but there's still a lot of stigma attached to women who practice martial arts. I've been involved in martial arts off and on since 1985 and I've found that men, if they're not into martial arts themselves, seem to be intimidated by female martial artists. There's still that stereotype floating around that women in the martial arts are all men-haters and ball-busting lesbians, something that's definitely not true.
Women are also conditioned by society not to intimidate men, not to be "too strong". It's considered unfeminine and unattractive in a woman. My fiance just started martial arts couple of months back and I've had people (outside the dojang) tell me "Since J's now taking it, you can quit, right?"; *Sigh* And I've been asked that by primarily women.
As far as women leaving abusive relationships -- well that's whole other and very complex topic and something that's not easily answered. I was in an abusive marriage for nearly 10 years. And before I even met my abusive ex I'd achieved a blue belt in tae kwon do. An abusive relationship is a form of brainwashing and teaching women martial arts -- while I agree is valuable -- doesn't automatically mean women will leave.
Bill Mattox called it a "dead choice" and that's something to remember, because many women fear that leaving their partner will be a "dead choice" -- literally, In many cases, the partner threatens to kill the woman and/or her family and children. But that's a topic that deserves it's own discussion. If anyone's interested exploring this subject further, I wrote a blog post called Domestic Abuse: 12 Reasons Why Women Stay.
OP
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2008
- Messages
- 2,005
- Reaction score
- 97
- Thread Starter
- #43
Good point. Initially I meant the former, but the thread got hijacked when someone took the question waaaaaaay too seriously. Since then thanks to moderator intervention it's been re-jacked in a much more positive way. I'm happy with that.
No, there are plenty of ball-busting straight women too. :lol: I'm not into the dating world at all, so frankly that aspect of the question is a bit lost on me. But I agree on the stigma. Nice girls aren't aggressive. It's the same bundle of assumptions including don't spit, don't put out, don't raise your voice, and go to church.
I wish I could remember where I read it, but there was an account of a fancy dinner party at Gertrude Stein's home. While Stein entertained the literati, her partner sought out their wives. The partner said that the wives were the most fascinating because underneath that quiet non-famous exterior lurked the soul of someone brilliant and powerful enough to keep up with a spouse like that. A good lesson for all of us.
Congratulations on making your escape. I know hard that is, and so do some others on this forum.
Welcome aboard, Martialartess. You sound very thoughtful and perceptive. I look forward to hearing more from you.
I don't like to generalize, but I'm going to do it here anyway. If a man is intimidated by a strong woman, he doesn't deserve her anyway, and she's lost nothing. Strong confident men aren't intimidated by strong confident women.
I never would have considered it a factor, back when I was single, though I always found MA interesting. Now I dig my husband, who is a skateboarding pre-K teacher. Go figure.
On the other hand, I have noticed that MA guys seem to really dig MA women. Even old married ladies like me.
On the other hand, I have noticed that MA guys seem to really dig MA women. Even old married ladies like me.
OP
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2008
- Messages
- 2,005
- Reaction score
- 97
- Thread Starter
- #46
preach it!!!!
That tends to bring up the question as to what exactly confidence is as and as to how does one go about cultivating and developing it.
KELLYG
2nd Black Belt
Yes we dig! Our school has a healthy mix of guy's and gals. I don't see a difference between the sexes as far as general enjoyment of Martial Art's I think that there is a common perception, among people that have no Martial Arts experience, that women do it for self defense and men do it to fight. Once a student trains for a while, know while it does provide both of those things it also provides so much more. The reason people stay is the love of the art it's self.
celtic_crippler
Senior Master
Yup... It's hard to keep a healthy relationship if you're truely dedicated. Martial arts is a harsh mistress! LOL
still learning
Senior Master
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2004
- Messages
- 3,749
- Reaction score
- 48
Hello, Does anyone find the word use in this site (chicks) ...derogitory to women?
or is it just me? could another word like "Women" or Ladies be use instead?
"da chicks" from our chicken do not mind been call "chicks" so far...its the rooster that is giving us the problems...
My wife loves the "Chicks - kens" from costco...every week as least one in the refrig...
"Chicks is this short for Chickens...and does it means all chickens dig martial arts?
Aloha, ....best to chick- ken out of here.........
or is it just me? could another word like "Women" or Ladies be use instead?
"da chicks" from our chicken do not mind been call "chicks" so far...its the rooster that is giving us the problems...
My wife loves the "Chicks - kens" from costco...every week as least one in the refrig...
"Chicks is this short for Chickens...and does it means all chickens dig martial arts?
Aloha, ....best to chick- ken out of here.........
CoryKS
Senior Master
When one considers that we're 50 posts into the discussion before the first complaint was registered and that complaint was raised by a man, one gets the idea that maybe it is not that offensive. At least, not to the chick who started this thread.
still learning
Senior Master
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2004
- Messages
- 3,749
- Reaction score
- 48
Hello, Thank-you for the feedback...
Always more than one way to look at things....and be right on both sides...
Aloha,
Man likes eating yellow bananas'... Women know they can cook the green bananas(cooking bananas here)...and eaten when done....
So who is correct here? .....
Always more than one way to look at things....and be right on both sides...
Aloha,
Man likes eating yellow bananas'... Women know they can cook the green bananas(cooking bananas here)...and eaten when done....
So who is correct here? .....
Steve
Mostly Harmless
My experience is that finding women who "dig" martial arts is like finding a woman who digs video games... or maybe more like finding a woman who digs dungeons and dragons. Basically, finding a woman who is really into it is relatively rare. They're out there, but you're more likely to get a raised eyebrow and a polite egress from the conversation.
Finding one who is willing to indulge your geekiness is probably a little more realistic.
Edit: Just to add, I used "woman" incidentally and don't have any problem calling women "chicks" although "broads" is a little more callous.
Finding one who is willing to indulge your geekiness is probably a little more realistic.
Edit: Just to add, I used "woman" incidentally and don't have any problem calling women "chicks" although "broads" is a little more callous.
Last edited:
I'm just curious as to why any woman would want a strong confident man. Wouldn't it just be a lot easier to go out and find some guy that will be more than happy to supplicate to you and to even stalk you.
I'm just curious because that just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me at all.
celtic_crippler
Senior Master
That's why the metrosexual movement has been so successful.
The men are pretty, and they have a lot more in common...like going out together for a manny-peddy or getting their hair highlighted. :barf:
The men are pretty, and they have a lot more in common...like going out together for a manny-peddy or getting their hair highlighted. :barf:
Steve
Mostly Harmless
What the hell are you guys talking about? First, rdonovan, either you don't know what "stalk" and "supplicate" mean or you're suggestion makes absolutely no sense to me. Are you saying that women would prefer a guy who stalks them? I don't see where you're going with that.
What kind of women are you guys hanging around???
I agree. Those guys are so eager to please women and to be with them that they more often than not turn into stalkers because they really don't have any confidence in themselves or a life of their own.
For them the world tends to revolve around one woman and that is it and more often than not they are so concerned about pleasing and making that woman happy that they forget about their own lives and as to what really makes them happy.
As a result most of those types of guys end up being so possessive and obsessive about the woman that they will either try to control her or they will stalk her.
I know that many people may not believe it at all, but it tends to happen all the time and as a result there a lot of guys who end up getting in trouble with the law for it. This is what I was trying to get at before everyone started to attack me and this was brought up before earlier in thread by Bill when he was talking about women who get into relationships in which they are not happy in, yet are not willing to leave the abusive relationship that they know is not good for them.
It basically becomes a pattern of self abuse for the woman as she knows that it is bad for her, yet she refuses to do anything about it or to even acknowledge that it is really happening to her. She basically becomes trapped in her own little prison that she has setup for herself because she lacks the self confidence and self esteem to stand up for herself and to assert herself.
It's not me. I actually prefer stong, confident women, but trying to find them is like trying to find a needle in a haystack as there just aren't that many of them out there because most of them believe that they need to be rescued by some guy on a big white horse.
It's a little thing that psychology tends to call self deception and that is largely brought on by what women are taught to believe by the media and by the rest of society.
Steve
Mostly Harmless
It is you. Or, I should say, if you believe that most women are weak and prefer stalkers over men, I think that's you projecting your own hangups and not in any way indicative of reality.
I think you need to raise your game a little, personally. If you're having trouble finding confident, intelligent women, it's not because they don't exist. I've never had a problem finding strong, capable women who challenge me intellectually.
Frankly, this train of thought just drives me nuts. Either the men are weak or the women are weak. BS. Metro-sexual men are largely a myth created by ad agencies so that they can coerce men into buying Axe and hair gel. Personal hygiene isn't weak.
