Dating in the dojo

[Kenpojujitsu3]

Nothing wrong with a little PDA if it is kept clean.

Could you elaborate on "clean" please for the purposes of discussion.

Respectfully,
James :asian:

 

[RickRed]

I have two bb who have started dating. Prof. Kimo felt that such a practice should be discouraged. Any thoughts on bb dating, students dating, instructors dating students? None of this pertains to frivolous indiscretions but real intentions for something long term.

Respectfully,
Marlon

Do you have a no dating policy for instructors on paper?

I know at work places, they try to do that but enforcing it is really tough.

 

[marlon]

No I have no policy in place and i think it would be unrealistic to enforce it. if an instructor showed enough bad character for me to think s/he was abusing the position well i would deal withthat directly in the best intersts of the dojo and students..but no policy.


Respectfully,
Marlon

 

[RevIV]

At my school the instructors know that it is their job to help and educate the students not to seek out a relationship. This is not on paper but spoken directly to them along with all the other responsibilities that go along with being a teacher. People choose to be teachers, if they cannot handle the responsibilities of that role then they do not need to teach. Now with that being an underlying tone of the way we try to do it, we all know things happen and it could end up being your soul mate, so each person is handled differently, very gray area. We all know someone out there at one point in our lives that used their position to date as many people as possible, that is unacceptable.

Jesse

 

[Kenpojujitsu3]

At my school the instructors know that it is their job to help and educate the students not to seek out a relationship. This is not on paper but spoken directly to them along with all the other responsibilities that go along with being a teacher. People choose to be teachers, if they cannot handle the responsibilities of that role then they do not need to teach. Now with that being an underlying tone of the way we try to do it, we all know things happen and it could end up being your soul mate, so each person is handled differently, very gray area. We all know someone out there at one point in our lives that used their position to date as many people as possible, that is unacceptable.

Jesse

God Post

 

[RevIV]

God Post

Thank You,
Jesse Dwire
dpkempo.com

 

[ave_turuta]

Hello!

The only parallelism I can think of is the rules we have in academic institutions. In the academic world (I am speaking of college level) there are very clear rules against people dating when one is in a position of authority over the other. So for instance, an undergrad should under no circumstances date a teaching assistant, much less a professor, and the same with grad students (no dating between grad students and their professors, much less their advisors). The logic is quite simple: if everything goes well, there is always the possibility of influencing the grades of the student; if something goes awry, the person in a position of power can use his/her superior status in order to terminate the career of the student. In fact, teaching assistant at the institution I teach at have a very specific set of guidelines and number 10 in the "10 rules" is "no dating, period."

However, this only applies to situations like that explained above. I do not think there is anything wrong in students dating amongst themselves, but if an instructor dates a student and that instructor has a saying in the promotion of the student, I believe the right thing to do would be to either (a) have the student change venues and train at a different school; or (b) have the instructor relinquish his or her saying in the promotion process. If there is no direct power relationship between the two (i.e. if the instructor has no saying in the promotion of a particular student) then I do not see anything wrong with them dating as long as they behave respectfully and politely with each other and with the other students inside the dojo.

My 2 cents!
Peace,
A.T.

 

[Kenpojujitsu3]

Hello!

The only parallelism I can think of is the rules we have in academic institutions. In the academic world (I am speaking of college level) there are very clear rules against people dating when one is in a position of authority over the other. So for instance, an undergrad should under no circumstances date a teaching assistant, much less a professor, and the same with grad students (no dating between grad students and their professors, much less their advisors). The logic is quite simple: if everything goes well, there is always the possibility of influencing the grades of the student; if something goes awry, the person in a position of power can use his/her superior status in order to terminate the career of the student. In fact, teaching assistant at the institution I teach at have a very specific set of guidelines and number 10 in the "10 rules" is "no dating, period."

However, this only applies to situations like that explained above. I do not think there is anything wrong in students dating amongst themselves, but if an instructor dates a student and that instructor has a saying in the promotion of the student, I believe the right thing to do would be to either (a) have the student change venues and train at a different school; or (b) have the instructor relinquish his or her saying in the promotion process. If there is no direct power relationship between the two (i.e. if the instructor has no saying in the promotion of a particular student) then I do not see anything wrong with them dating as long as they behave respectfully and politely with each other and with the other students inside the dojo.

My 2 cents!
Peace,
A.T.

(3) Instructors dating students? If everyone is adult enough it works fine as the color of peoples belts in no way determines how they mesh or not. we can't exactly adopt a program like an official school system can we (i.e. you are removed from the system for dating a student)? Maybe, but you'd run out of instructors and students real quick for trying to "run their personal lives outside the dojo" heard this too many times during my travels/training.

(4) Instructors dating students? Not a good idea if said instructor has any say so in students rank promotions (can we say favoritism here? sure we can)

From my post above. I'm with ya!

 

[searcher]

Could you elaborate on "clean" please for the purposes of discussion.

Respectfully,
James :asian:

No groping or hanging all over each other. As long as it does not turn into a make-out session then kissing is OK. Holding hands is not bad either, but holding other things is not appropriate. Just act like responsible citizens, not lusting teenagers.

 

[Kenpojujitsu3]

No groping or hanging all over each other. As long as it does not turn into a make-out session then kissing is OK. Holding hands is not bad either, but holding other things is not appropriate. Just act like responsible citizens, not lusting teenagers.

Gotcha, agreed.

 

[RickRed]

No I have no policy in place and i think it would be unrealistic to enforce it. if an instructor showed enough bad character for me to think s/he was abusing the position well i would deal withthat directly in the best intersts of the dojo and students..but no policy.


Respectfully,
Marlon

If that is the case, then the only thing you can do is make sure that there is professionalism during training, any other time is their own business. If they are letting the relationship spill onto the training floor either negative or positive, then it is no good.

Same with the work place. The no frat policy basically covers any inappropriate conduct that won't fall under sexual harassment because it is mutual and not forced.

If there is not written policy, someone could really take you to town for kicking them out or firing them for something that was clearly stated. If it is something you feel strongly about, it should be written down. If you are going to accept it, focus on the conduct on the floor - as you said.

In the end, unless they are paid employees, it is a rec. activity no different than a gym. If someone violates the membership agreement, kick them out. If they are an employee and are fraternizing with client/customers, fire them. Either way, it needs to be clearly stated if it is going to be grounds for ousting them.