The only thing I would say is to relax when you are transitioning from posture to posture and use shaking energy to get into posture. This will also help with your "kime" concerns.
Not my best kata but it's very much my favorite. Tear it apart.
(video password is "chinte")
Funny how you mention the word "sloppy." I always felt this way about old kata; they do look "messier" but there is something beautiful about them that I can't put my finger on.You do look a little stiff. Your form is good - your back is very straight, you stretch out and emphasize each technique. I think this is why you're stiff.
As I mentioned in your "Relax" thread, thinking too much on performance of technique can make you appear tense. But "stiff" is a better description than "tense" in your case, now that I see you in motion.
Your moves are a little staccato, more digital than analog. I'd like to see more flow in all your transitions from one move to the next. If you watch Shinzato Sensei's kata Koryuhoka posted, or Sensei's other katas on youtube, you can see a smoothness in his form. He also has more body movement, a little wiggle here and there. Instead of notes, he's playing chords. There's more "personality" in his form.
Don't be afraid to be a little "sloppy" as you try to achieve this less rigid way. Due to kata competition, in part, a stylized version of an "ideal" kata performance has evolved. But I believe this is not "true" karate. The near legendary old master's would have a hard time winning kata competition in many tournaments today.
Over emphasis on mechanical form can detract from a more natural way of moving. In the end, this can also detract from the original intent of kata as being combat oriented. Kata were not originally designed to be "pretty." But this does not make them any less beautiful.