corny joke time

[Punchy]

A woman is lying in bed reading.
Her husband comes walking into the bedroom carrying a chicken under his arm.

Husband: "Well, here's the pig I've been sleeping with"

Wife: "uh...that's a chicken"

Husband: "I wasn't talking to you"

 

[donnaTKD]

 

[wingchun100]

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

 

[Big Don]

Chinese Takeout :$16.49
Gas to drive there: $2.00
Getting home and realizing one of your packages is missing: Riceless

 

[ks - learning to fly]

why was 6 afraid of 7?

because 7 - ate - 9 !!

 

[wingchun100]

Recently I have been getting into astronomy so I installed a skylight.

People who live above me are furious.

****
One of my all-time favorite absurd jokes:

I'm living on a one way dead end street.
(slight pause)
I don't know how I ever got there.

 

[seasoned]

Why did the chicken cross the street.





Free range..

 

[Punchy]

Why did the chicken cross the street.





Free range..

Why did the chicken cross the road?.....

to prove to the opossum that it could be done

 

[mook jong man]

An Australian ends up next to a British soldier in the trenches during World War II.

The British soldier turns to him and says, "Good to see you mate , have you come here to die?"

To which the Australian replies , "No mate , I came here yesterday!"

 

[Randy Strausbaugh]

What did the fish say when it hit the concrete wall?

Dam!

 

[skribs]

How did the blind man know the adult martial art class was in sync?

All of the joints cracked and popped in unison!

 

[Touch Of Death]

Humans wear many different types of clothing, but a dog just pants.

 

[seasoned]

What time is it when ten elephants are chasing you?

Ten after one!

 

[donald1]

Definitions:
Dan: Someone that black belt level
Darn: The sound uttered by the black belt realizes the instructor will now strike harder and more often
Damn: The sound uttered by the black belt's partner, it's his turn now!

Best 5 inventions in probably the world...
5. ABC gum, takes the boring part out of the equation and if you're lucky there might be some flavor left
4. Nailed boards, they already have nails thus the hard work is already done
3. Water-proof towel, now you never have a wet towel
2. Peddle powered wheel chair, it's definitely better than your average wheel chair...
1. windows for a submarine, now everyone can look outside and if you want you can even touch the fish (just open it)

 

[seasoned]

Why did the chicken cross the playground





To get to the other slide.

 

[Buka]

I was visiting my daughter and asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said, "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."

I gotta' tell ya....That fly never knew what hit him.

 

[Buka]

WING SUITER MEETS HIS MAKER - Safeshare.TV

 

[donnaTKD]

^^^that is spot on^^^ ROTFLMAO

could've been a newspaper - and he got swatted instead

 

[Carol]

3 guys walk in to a bar.

You'd think at least one of them would have ducked...

 

[Carol]

A lawyer, a priest, and a rabbi walk in to a bar.

Bartender looks up and says "What is this, some kind of a joke?"