boyfriend lying about his purple belt..

[isabella49]

Hi,

I just started BJJ training since 8 month, with no martial art background, and I love it!
I meet that guy 4 month ago and I pretty much enjoy spending time with him. He told me he did train in bjj years ago and he has reach purple belt. I thought it is great that we have things in common

I ask him to spare, just to have a little bit of fun, and couple of times he find weird escuses.. I did insist and he finaly accept. A friend from the bjj club was here to see and film the spar. really surprisly, I made him tapout again and again. I thought at first he was just letting me win but after couple of rounds he seems to have no idea of what he was doing. I got him 6 times in less of 15 minutes until he said he just want to stop.
After that, I did ask him where did he train, for how long exactly and what made him stop. He started to be mad and answer me to stop making police interrogation...
I just dont believe at all he has been a purple belt one day, even if it was way long ago...so why lying about his belt?

 

[drop bear]

Because purple belts are the apex of masculinity.

So obviously he would say he is one to impress you. Like being a pilot or an astronaut. Except obviously better.

 

[Cynik75]

You should be glad tha he is fake bjj purple belt - it is impossible to have sex with true bjj male pracitioner, cause he will always try to pass your guard or escape the mount.

 

[isabella49]

Look at that..

Is it possible he s really purple belt??

 

[Tony Dismukes]

Based on the video and his refusal to tell you when and where he trained, I'd say that it's highly unlikely that he is a legit purple belt. Even if he stopped training a while back, he doesn't appear to be old enough to have completely forgotten everything he would have known as a purple belt. In fact, it doesn't really look like he has any training at all, or at least anything more than a couple of weeks.

As far as why he would lie ... there are plenty of people who will lie about the stupidest crap in an effort to impress others. Some of them are downright pathologic about it. You might want to double-check anything else he has told you about his past and accomplishments.

 

[lklawson]

so why lying about his belt?

I have a better question. Why is he your boyfriend?

Who cares if he can roll? What matters is that he's lying to you.

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk

 

[Buka]

Give him his walking papers, immediately. (get rid of him now)

 

[isabella49]

Based on the video and his refusal to tell you when and where he trained, I'd say that it's highly unlikely that he is a legit purple belt. Even if he stopped training a while back, he doesn't appear to be old enough to have completely forgotten everything he would have known as a purple belt. In fact, it doesn't really look like he has any training at all, or at least anything more than a couple of weeks.

As far as why he would lie ... there are plenty of people who will lie about the stupidest crap in an effort to impress others. Some of them are downright pathologic about it. You might want to double-check anything else he has told you about his past and accomplishments.

Yeah that's exactly the feeling I had. He has never train at all imo

 

[Buka]

Based on the video and his refusal to tell you when and where he trained, I'd say that it's highly unlikely that he is a legit purple belt. Even if he stopped training a while back, he doesn't appear to be old enough to have completely forgotten everything he would have known as a purple belt. In fact, it doesn't really look like he has any training at all, or at least anything more than a couple of weeks.

As far as why he would lie ... there are plenty of people who will lie about the stupidest crap in an effort to impress others. Some of them are downright pathologic about it. You might want to double-check anything else he has told you about his past and accomplishments.

Totally agree.

The lie is bad enough. But to then go into a Jits school and roll? That's just plain stupid.

 

[drop bear]

I would go the other way. Never let on that you know. But keep bringing it up. Buy him seminars for his birthday and tell all his friends.

 

[Steve]

I would go the other way. Never let on that you know. But keep bringing it up. Buy him seminars for his birthday and tell all his friends.

Pressure him into entering a tournament. Get him to come to your school for a day.

 

[drop bear]

Pressure him into entering a tournament. Get him to come to your school for a day.

Get him to come to your school and teach.

 

[Jared Traveler]

Hi,

I just started BJJ training since 8 month, with no martial art background, and I love it!
I meet that guy 4 month ago and I pretty much enjoy spending time with him. He told me he did train in bjj years ago and he has reach purple belt. I thought it is great that we have things in common

I ask him to spare, just to have a little bit of fun, and couple of times he find weird escuses.. I did insist and he finaly accept. A friend from the bjj club was here to see and film the spar. really surprisly, I made him tapout again and again. I thought at first he was just letting me win but after couple of rounds he seems to have no idea of what he was doing. I got him 6 times in less of 15 minutes until he said he just want to stop.
After that, I did ask him where did he train, for how long exactly and what made him stop. He started to be mad and answer me to stop making police interrogation...
I just dont believe at all he has been a purple belt one day, even if it was way long ago...so why lying about his belt?

Oh no! You deserve better.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

I just watched the video, and want to point out that he might not be lying. There's two things I can see (one I've actually seen), that would cause him to be bad while not lying about his belt, which would also explain the defensiveness.

There are some schools that add BJJ to their curriculum, despite the instructor not actually knowing it/knowing it well. So a TKD or WC school can claim to also teach BJJ, teach it really badly, but also rank people in it. And don't get found out as long as they don't have open mats or go to tournaments. In that case, he wouldn't be lying, he would have just been duped. And he wouldn't want to tell you his instructor if he realized it at some point and is embarrassed he got duped.

The second thing is there are sites that teach online, and give rank out. The most well known only gives online rank to blue belt, but I would be very surprised if there were not ones that give up to purple or higher as well, in BJJ. So he could have gotten his rank without ever actually rolling. That would explain why he claimed to be a purple belt, but felt uncomfortable rolling, and got defensive about his instructors (he'd have to admit it was all online).

It's also entirely possible he lied for any number of stupid reasons-to brag, he wanted to have something in common with you, his friends told him to, he likes lying, etc. But that's not the only plausible reason. The only way you'll know is by talking with him about it, not asking on a forum.

And if you genuinely want the answer, ask in a way that doesn't make him feel attacked. Which I'm going to go off on a limb and claim wasn't the case here, if you kept pressuring him to roll, had other people watch your roll to test him out, took a video of it, and then started posting the video here. Which, regardless of whether he got a rank he shouldn't have, or was just lying early on and got stuck in the lie, would make some prideful/stubborn people double down in response.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

I just watched the video, and want to point out that he might not be lying. There's two things I can see (one I've actually seen), that would cause him to be bad while not lying about his belt, which would also explain the defensiveness.

There are some schools that add BJJ to their curriculum, despite the instructor not actually knowing it/knowing it well. So a TKD or WC school can claim to also teach BJJ, teach it really badly, but also rank people in it. And don't get found out as long as they don't have open mats or go to tournaments. In that case, he wouldn't be lying, he would have just been duped. And he wouldn't want to tell you his instructor if he realized it at some point and is embarrassed he got duped.

The second thing is there are sites that teach online, and give rank out. The most well known only gives online rank to blue belt, but I would be very surprised if there were not ones that give up to purple or higher as well, in BJJ. So he could have gotten his rank without ever actually rolling. That would explain why he claimed to be a purple belt, but felt uncomfortable rolling, and got defensive about his instructors (he'd have to admit it was all online).

It's also entirely possible he lied for any number of stupid reasons-to brag, he wanted to have something in common with you, his friends told him to, he likes lying, etc. But that's not the only plausible reason. The only way you'll know is by talking with him about it, not asking on a forum.

And if you genuinely want the answer, ask in a way that doesn't make him feel attacked. Which I'm going to go off on a limb and claim wasn't the case here, if you kept pressuring him to roll, had other people watch your roll to test him out, took a video of it, and then started posting the video here. Which, regardless of whether he got a rank he shouldn't have, or was just lying early on and got stuck in the lie, would make some prideful/stubborn people double down in response.

Keep in mind though, when reading through my response and the others above, this is not a relationship advice forum, this is a martial arts forum.

 

[Xue Sheng]

Keep in mind though, when reading through my response and the others above, this is not a relationship advice forum, this is a martial arts forum.

I was just about to say that I am not so sure how sound relationship advice is from a bunch of nameless faceless marital artist you don't know, and who don't know you ..or your boyfriend... actually is

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

I was just about to say that I am not so sure how sound relationship advice is from a bunch of nameless faceless marital artist you don't know, and who don't know you ..or your boyfriend... actually is

Yup. We know exactly 1 fact about their relationship, which is that the bf said when they started dating that he knew bjj too, and he apparently is not good at it.

I'm sure if you took any of our relationships, you could find some fact/interaction, completely devoid of context, that would get a near unanimous "you guys should break up/divorce", or if you took a different fact, "you guys are perfect together".

 

[Xue Sheng]

Yup. We know exactly 1 fact about their relationship, which is that the bf said when they started dating that he knew bjj too, and he apparently is not good at it.

I'm sure if you took any of our relationships, you could find some fact/interaction, completely devoid of context, that would get a near unanimous "you guys should break up/divorce", or if you took a different fact, "you guys are perfect together".

My wife is from China, I'm from America. Speaking philosophically and psychologically there are two polar opposites on the globe...America and China.... So...it could go either way

 

[lklawson]

I was just about to say that I am not so sure how sound relationship advice is from a bunch of nameless faceless marital artist you don't know, and who don't know you ..or your boyfriend... actually is

About as sound as martial arts advice from a bunch of nameless faceless people on a forum.

Heck, some here might be better at relationships than fighting. Not saying they they might be "good" at relationships, they just may suck much worse at fighting.

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk

 

[geezer]

I just dont believe at all he has been a purple belt one day, even if it was way long ago...so why lying about his belt?

Yeah.... Why is he lying?

This is a huge red flag in your relationship. I'm no psychologist, but this is not something you should overlook.

A confident, honest person would have said something like, "Hey I don't know a thing about BJJ, but that's so cool. I'd like to start ...let's do it together!" On the other hand, your boyfriend's need to fabricate stories with regard to this is a sure indication he's doing it about other things as well.

It may be possible to work this out with him, but I doubt it ...considering that he went so far as to go to your school and roll, without admitting his fabrications, is really staggering. Don't just let this go.