Anybody have a Good Martial Arts Joke?

Dragon Fist

Dragon Fist

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I know there are a lot of funny guys and gals here at MT.
I need some good martial arts jokes that I can use while at seminars or in front of a class. Can you guys/gals help me please?

I only know a couple so far.

Q: "What do you get when you are attacked by a Black Belt
and a Blue Belt?"
A" "Beaten Black and Blue."

Q:"What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?" ​
A:"Make me one with everything!"​

Thanks,​
 
a karate expert joined the army. the first time he saluted an officer, he knocked himself out
 
Shizen Shigoku said:
a karate expert joined the army. the first time he saluted an officer, he knocked himself out
Click to expand...
LOL, Thanks Shizen Shigoku, a ridge hand to the forehead. heehehehe

Anybody else have one (jokes).....anyone?
 
Q: What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
A: WATAAAAAH!

Q: How many Kenpo black belts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 100. One to screw it in and 99 to say that's not how Ed Parker told them to do it.
 
Q: How many Kenpo black belts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 100. One to screw it in and 99 to say that's not how Ed Parker told them to do it.

Now thats funny, and oh so true.
 
When I teach children I occassionally pull a joke on them. I'll walk up to one of them. Stand toe-to-to with him/her, tower over him/her and stare straight down on that person. I then ask them if they have ever been beat up by a black belt before in a very serious voice.

Then I take the end of my black belt, lightly slap them on top of the head with the end, and tell them that they just got beaten by my black belt.
 
Randy Strausbaugh said:
Q: What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
A: WATAAAAAH!

Q: How many Kenpo black belts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 100. One to screw it in and 99 to say that's not how Ed Parker told them to do it.
Click to expand...
That's a classic
kk
 
Shu2jack said:
When I teach children I occassionally pull a joke on them. I'll walk up to one of them. Stand toe-to-to with him/her, tower over him/her and stare straight down on that person. I then ask them if they have ever been beat up by a black belt before in a very serious voice.

Then I take the end of my black belt, lightly slap them on top of the head with the end, and tell them that they just got beaten by my black belt.
Click to expand...
I tried this today, the guy said yes...hahahhaa
 
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big guy comes in and --WHACK!! -- knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK-- the big guy knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."

So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and --Bong!!!-- bangs the big guy off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!

The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."
 
Randy Strausbaugh said:
Q: What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
A: WATAAAAAH!

Q: How many Kenpo black belts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 100. One to screw it in and 99 to say that's not how Ed Parker told them to do it.
Click to expand...
Now that's funny!!!
 
I read this very funny one today.

You might be a martial artist if....

You find yourself casually standing in a half cat stance.
You trip, go into a roll and come up in a fighting stance. In church.
You answer your boss Ussss.
You put your hands together in a martial arts bow position (one hand open the other closed) after grace at the dinner table.
You tie your bathrobe belt in a square knot. Then check to make sure the ends are exactly even.
You accept change from the cashier using a perfect knife hand with the thumb carefully tucked in.
Every time you handle a screwdriver or razor knife, etc. You just can't help changing grip from hammer to reverse to flip over to dagger grip etc. And your shop help is standing cautiously far, far away from you.
When you're outside doing landscaping/gardening you "practice" with all the neat weapons.
 
I like using this line once in awhile,

"Hey, you’re not as dumb as you look"



First they smile, till they realize it's an insult.



All in good fun of course.
 
Q:"What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?"
A:"Make me one with everything!"

Then the Zen master asked for his change and the vendor replied "Change must come from within"
 
FearlessFreep said:
Q:"What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?"
A:"Make me one with everything!"

Then the Zen master asked for his change and the vendor replied "Change must come from within"
Click to expand...
This one was one of my favorites, Thanks
 
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