Why Are Men Just Happier People

[D_Brady]

Subject: Why Are Men Just Happier People?



Why Are Men Just Happier People?
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. Her wedding dress costs $5000; your tux rental, $100. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Same mood all the time, never accused of "PMS." Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest
act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. Your wardrobe is complete with 2 items, shirts and pants. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You're not criticized for overweight or baldness. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

 

[shesulsa]

Subject: Why Are Men Just Happier People?

You know what they say ... ignorance is bliss.

 

[D_Brady]

You know what they say ... ignorance is bliss.

Ouch nice shot :whip:

 

[TigerWoman]

And usually, and I say usually because not all men have a single mission, in that the woman is expected to have several missions. She is required to be the housekeeper, the cook, the childcare expert, the family psychologist, the chauffeur, the school supervisor, the tutor, the nurse, the bookkeeper, the holiday/birthday planner, the pet caretaker, the shopping guru, the appointment secretary, the gardener and last but not least the holder of another full time job. No one wonder, men are happier, and I probably forgot a few jobs. TW

 

[D_Brady]

We appreciate everything you do , and if I actually took the the time to read your whole post I could name a few of them.

JUST KIDDING .LOL. Please call off the sniper.

 

[shesulsa]

D_Brady, though TW is right, we know this is a humor thread - it's all good.

 

[TigerWoman]

Yeah, its all good, we've gotten used to that role(s). TW

 

[pete]

shoot, i always thought it was 'cause i can flip my underwear up into my hands using just my big toe.

 

[Flatlander]

shoot, i always thought it was 'cause i can flip my underwear up into my hands using just my big toe.

:rofl:

 

[tmonis]

This is a great thread. However I guess there are exceptions to the rules. I took my Wife's last name when we got married, I do all the cooking / shopping for the food, laundry, cut the grass and I even vaccum. But you are right she has control on everything else. I guess you can say I run things in my household...the vaccum, dishwasher, and the washer and dryer.

:whip:
The way I see it, She has all the money and all the recreation and if I want either one of them, then I have to be nice and just say, "Yes Dear" lol lol

Have a great day!!:uhyeah:

Todd

 

[Sarah]

hehe...that was good

 

[Adept]

And usually, and I say usually because not all men have a single mission, in that the woman is expected to have several missions. She is required to be the housekeeper, the cook, the childcare expert, the family psychologist, the chauffeur, the school supervisor, the tutor, the nurse, the bookkeeper, the holiday/birthday planner, the pet caretaker, the shopping guru, the appointment secretary, the gardener and last but not least the holder of another full time job. No one wonder, men are happier, and I probably forgot a few jobs. TW

lol.

At least you dont have to be the mechanic, builder, plumber, electrician, heavy lifter, accountant or negotiator...

 

[mj-hi-yah]

Yes well... I guess that explains why men die so young LOL!

 

[jfarnsworth]

shoot, i always thought it was 'cause i can flip my underwear up into my hands using just my big toe.

Is that how you practice the beginning of your staff set? :uhyeah:
It works everything - Hand, eye, foot coordination.

 

[shesulsa]

lol.

At least you dont have to be the mechanic, builder, plumber, electrician, heavy lifter, accountant or negotiator...

... ummm... I don't know about the rest of the ladies, but I have to do all these things too...

 

[TigerWoman]

lol.

At least you dont have to be the mechanic, builder, plumber, electrician, heavy lifter, accountant or negotiator...

Bookkeeper-accountant same thing. I arrange appointments/calls with the mechanic, plumber and electrician. And I think I can lift more than my husband right now. But he is real good at negotiating, will walk away with a car practically free and besides he does other stuff. TW

 

[Bob Hubbard]

NEWS BULLETIN - Men and women are NOT alike.
​

Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have proof!
After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following
topics, these facts have emerged.

Relationships:

First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship -
he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were doing it on a
semi-regular basis".

When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart
out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All
Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after
the break- up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call
and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and
I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy.
But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us".
This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call,
that 99% if not all men have made at least once. There are
community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this
need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.

Sex:

Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds
of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of
the foreplay.

Maturity:

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading
baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class.
This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:

Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's
magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because
the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body
is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day.
Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most
naked men elicit laughter from women.

Handwriting:

To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They
just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary
and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use
ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a
royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's
dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Comedy:

Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room,
watching television, and an episode of the Three Stooges
comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they
will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions
of Curly, man's favorite Stooge. The woman will roll their
eyes and groan and wait it out.

Bathrooms:

A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the
Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's
bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of
these items.

Groceries:

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the
store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items
left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes
grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the
time a man reached the checkout counter, his cart is packed
tighter that the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of
course, this will not stop him from going to the
10-items-or-less lane.

Shoes:

When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit,
and then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes
in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will
put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them
off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the
same pair of shoes all day.

Leg Warmers:

Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or
doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear
them any time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he
is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."

Going Out:

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to
go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she
WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring,
finishes putting on her makeup...

Cats:

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.

Offspring:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best
friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Low Blows:

Let's say a man and woman are watching a boxing match on TV.
One of the boxers is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh,
gee. That must have hurt." The man groans and doubles over,
and actually FEELS the pain.

Dressing Up:

A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty
the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man
will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

David Letterman:

Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the
Earth. Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has
a bad haircut.

Laundry:

Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every
article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that
were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry.
When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty
sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of
clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful
women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs
of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

Weddings:

When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony".
Men talk about "the bachelor party".

Socks:

Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.
Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the
ankles, that have pictures of clouds on them, that have a big
fuzzy ball on the back.

Nicknames:

If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch,
they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle.
But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla,
Peanut-Brain and Useless.


Eating out:

.. and when the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each
throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of
them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit
they want change back. When the girls get their check, out
come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:

Men are vain; they will always check themselves out in a mirror.
Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in
any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe
Garagiola's head.

Menopause:

When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of
complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes.
The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.
Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction --- he buys
aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves,
and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Telephone:

Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the
telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can
visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she
will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Directions:

If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar
surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for
directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness.
Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive
in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like,
"Looks like I've found a new way to get there." and, "I know
I'm in the general neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11 store."

Admitting Mistakes:

Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who
admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.

Richard Gere:

Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.
Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy
who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna:

Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

Toys:

Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the
age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of
their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys
simply become more expensive and silly and impractical.
Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's. Car phones.
Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small
robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything
that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries
to operate.

Plants:

A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation.
The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days
later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why
this happens.

Cameras:

Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000
for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take
photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of
course women always end up taking better pictures.

Locker Rooms:

In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football,
and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football
nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories
about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room -- sex.
And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and
technical, and they never lie.

Garages:

Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers.
Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in
garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided
benches in garages.

Movies:

Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude
scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies
has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever
appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another
reason why men hate him.

Jewelry:

Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away
with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and
he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

 

[D_Brady]

Unlike most research done in the past , That grant money was well spent, they really nailed it.

 

[mj-hi-yah]

I love David Letterman :lookie: .

 

[Chronuss]

Sex:

Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds
of foreplay.

30-40 seconds?! who the hell'd they ask?! senior citizens? holy hell.