Blond Joke

[KenpoTex]

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:

1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.

2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.

5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?














The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

 

[Flatlander]

THAT was funny! :lol: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :boing1: :boing2:

 

[Enson]

lol!:uhyeah:

 

[kenpo tiger]

My goodness. An actually funny blonde joke! KT (the blonde tiger)

 

[mj-hi-yah]

:rofl: :boing1:

 

[shesulsa]

:boing2::boing2::rofl::rofl::roflmao::roflmao:

I have one, too!

A blonde goes to the dentist and she's wearing a walkman and a headset. She's in the chair and the dentist tells her she has to take off the headset.

"Oh, no, I can't take it off!" cries the blonde.

"I can't perform your root canal if you don't remove the headphones, dear," the dentist explains.

"But my boyfriend says I'll die if I take off the headset!!"

The dentist smiles at her and replies, "I assure you, you won't die from taking off the headset."

The blonde patient looks at him and asks, 'Are you sure? I don't wanna die!"

"Positive," says the dentist, "now, I'm just going to take these off your ears now and everything will be just fine."

A few moments after removing her headset, the blonde became unresponsive and the dentist realized she was going into respiratory arrest. He and his assistant began CPR while the secretary dialed 911. The paramedics tried to revive her, but she was pronounced dead in the chair.

The dental assistant approached the dentist and said, "Doctor?" and produced the walkman and headset.

They looked at each other and immediately, the dentist donned the headset and the assistant pushed play - they just HAD to hear what was on the tape. After such a devastating and foreboding event, the dentist held out one side of the headset for the assistant to hear a man's voice repeatedly saying, "Breathe in.....breathe out.....breathe in.....breathe out....breathe in...."

 

[mj-hi-yah]

:boing2::boing2::rofl::rofl::roflmao::roflmao:

I have one, too!

A blonde goes to the dentist and she's wearing a walkman and a headset. She's in the chair and the dentist tells her she has to take off the headset.

"Oh, no, I can't take it off!" cries the blonde.

"I can't perform your root canal if you don't remove the headphones, dear," the dentist explains.

"But my boyfriend says I'll die if I take off the headset!!"

The dentist smiles at her and replies, "I assure you, you won't die from taking off the headset."

The blonde patient looks at him and asks, 'Are you sure? I don't wanna die!"

"Positive," says the dentist, "now, I'm just going to take these off your ears now and everything will be just fine."

A few moments after removing her headset, the blonde became unresponsive and the dentist realized she was going into respiratory arrest. He and his assistant began CPR while the secretary dialed 911. The paramedics tried to revive her, but she was pronounced dead in the chair.

The dental assistant approached the dentist and said, "Doctor?" and produced the walkman and headset.

They looked at each other and immediately, the dentist donned the headset and the assistant pushed play - they just HAD to hear what was on the tape. After such a devastating and foreboding event, the dentist held out one side of the headset for the assistant to hear a man's voice repeatedly saying, "Breathe in.....breathe out.....breathe in.....breathe out....breathe in...."

:boing2: Hee hee :roflmao:

 

[MA-Caver]

I think I'm gonna get RED rep points on this one...

Three blondes are trapped on a small island. A genie bottle washes ashore and one of them picks it up and rubs it... because it had sand all over it. The obigatory genie pops up and looks at the three blonds (ohh no he thinks) and decides that it would be best (easier on him) if he divides the 3 wishes among them and tells them so.
The first one smiles and says: umm, I would like to be more intelligent than the other two. So the genie turns her into a red head and she swims off the island.
The second one says: well, I'd like umm to be twice as intelligent than the other two too. So the genie turns her into a brunette and she builds a small boat and sails off the island.
The third one says: Well, like, I'd want to be three times as intelligent as the other two,like. So the genie turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge.

 

[Rob Broad]

I think I'm gonna get RED rep points on this one...

Three blondes are trapped on a small island. A genie bottle washes ashore and one of them picks it up and rubs it... because it had sand all over it. The obigatory genie pops up and looks at the three blonds (ohh no he thinks) and decides that it would be best (easier on him) if he divides the 3 wishes among them and tells them so.
The first one smiles and says: umm, I would like to be more intelligent than the other two. So the genie turns her into a red head and she swims off the island.
The second one says: well, I'd like umm to be twice as intelligent than the other two too. So the genie turns her into a brunette and she builds a small boat and sails off the island.
The third one says: Well, like, I'd want to be three times as intelligent as the other two,like. So the genie turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge.

That one was the best.

 

[Rob Broad]

A blond woman was speeding down the highway when she looks out the car window and sees another blond woman out in the middle of a farmers filed in a row boat, oars digging into the dirt as she tries to row the boat. The blond in the cars stops the car almost causing a pile up behind her. She then runs to the edge of teh field and shouts, "Hey Blondie what the hell do you thing you are doing? It is blonds like you that give the rest of us a bad name, and if I wasn't in such a rush I would swim out there and kick your butt!"

 

[KenpoTex]

I think I'm gonna get RED rep points on this one...

Three blondes are trapped on a small island. A genie bottle washes ashore and one of them picks it up and rubs it... because it had sand all over it. The obigatory genie pops up and looks at the three blonds (ohh no he thinks) and decides that it would be best (easier on him) if he divides the 3 wishes among them and tells them so.
The first one smiles and says: umm, I would like to be more intelligent than the other two. So the genie turns her into a red head and she swims off the island.
The second one says: well, I'd like umm to be twice as intelligent than the other two too. So the genie turns her into a brunette and she builds a small boat and sails off the island.
The third one says: Well, like, I'd want to be three times as intelligent as the other two,like. So the genie turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge.

Nice!!! :lol:

 

[KenpoTex]

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffy, in great detail. The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?" "Perfectly," said Buffy. Buffy goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car. One minute passes . . . Two minutes pass . . . Seven minutes pass . . . and Judy is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffy. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!" Buffy said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!" "No, you idiot," said Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

 

[OUMoose]

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffy, in great detail. The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?" "Perfectly," said Buffy. Buffy goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car. One minute passes . . . Two minutes pass . . . Seven minutes pass . . . and Judy is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffy. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!" Buffy said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!" "No, you idiot," said Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

......

ROFL

I have one similar to that:

Cop pulls over a car doing 60 in a 35. He walks up to the driver's side door and it's a gorgeous blond driving. He asks for her license and registration, and she hands it over. He walks back to his car to call in the ID. "oh man, not her again" the dispatcher exclaims "this is the 5th time this week. Tell ya what though. Go back and drop your pants". Somewhat shocked, the cop asks for a repeat. "Just go up to the window and drop your pants, trust me". Confused, the cop walks up to the drivers side, taps on the window, and drops his pants. The blonde looks over at him and sighs, "Oh great, not ANOTHER breathalyzer test..."

:asian:

 

[Feisty Mouse]

I've heard the genie-in-a-bottle one, but it's three men, and after the first two become so intelligent, the third one who wants to be the smartest of all!! is turned into a woman. kenpotex, that was so funny!! All of these are great. I'll have to send them to my mom - sweetest person, for some reason loves blonde jokes.

 

[mj-hi-yah]

I think I'm gonna get RED rep points on this one...

The third one says: Well, like, I'd want to be three times as intelligent as the other two,like. So the genie turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge.

LOL MACaver, but it just ain't true! :lol: Darn... out of negative rep points today! But I got my eyes on ya... :lol:

 

[MA-Caver]

Ohh-kay how about this one?
---------------
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister,''When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to meet me with the trailer hitched to the back of the pick-up truck so we can haul it home.''
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she walks to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ''I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.''
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, ''It's just 99 cents a word.''
Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, ''I want you to send her the word,
'comfortable.'''
The telegraph operator shakes his head. ''How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word,
'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, ''My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow.''

 

[KenpoTex]

comfortable
The brunette explains, ''My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow.''

:lol: :lool: :lol:

 

[kenpo tiger]

I think I'm gonna get RED rep points on this one...

Three blondes are trapped on a small island. A genie bottle washes ashore and one of them picks it up and rubs it... because it had sand all over it. The obigatory genie pops up and looks at the three blonds (ohh no he thinks) and decides that it would be best (easier on him) if he divides the 3 wishes among them and tells them so.
The first one smiles and says: umm, I would like to be more intelligent than the other two. So the genie turns her into a red head and she swims off the island.
The second one says: well, I'd like umm to be twice as intelligent than the other two too. So the genie turns her into a brunette and she builds a small boat and sails off the island.
The third one says: Well, like, I'd want to be three times as intelligent as the other two,like. So the genie turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge.

No red rep points. Belongs with the shark joke (you ever heard that one?)

 

[mj-hi-yah]

Ohh-kay how about this one?
---------------
'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, ''My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow.''

:rofl: That's one clever girl!

 

[Taimishu]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it
started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in
and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He
studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice
cup of tea, and then....."

he sighed, "...let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box".

David