Blond Joke

[shesulsa]

A blonde came home to find her husband and a brunette engaged in a naked, steamy scene. Horrified, heartbroken, she fumbles through her purse, pulls out a revolver, loads it with bullets, cocks it and points the barrel to her temple.

Her husband yells, "No, please don't do it! I'm so sorry! It will never happen again - just please don't shoot!!"

The blond replies, "Shut up, a*****e - YOU'RE NEXT!!"

 

[KenpoTex]

A blonde came home to find her husband and a brunette engaged in a naked, steamy scene. Horrified, heartbroken, she fumbles through her purse, pulls out a revolver, loads it with bullets, cocks it and points the barrel to her temple.

Her husband yells, "No, please don't do it! I'm so sorry! It will never happen again - just please don't shoot!!"

The blond replies, "Shut up, a*****e - YOU'RE NEXT!!"

:lool: I've heard that one before...one of my favorites

 

[Raewyn]

Two Blondes walking through a forest. They both see a set of tracks. One blonde says to the other blonde "Oh look a set of deer prints!!", the other blonde says "No they're not, their bear tracks!!"..................................................................................
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While they were arguing about it, they both got hit by a train!!!!!!!!


and by the way I only dye my roots black!!:ultracool

 

[Randy Strausbaugh]

:lool: I've heard that one before...one of my favorites

Yep, it was earlier in the thread. :angel:

 

[shesulsa]

Yep, it was earlier in the thread. :angel:

Oh well, must be blonde like a few others on this thread thingy.

Hi, I'm Dory.

 

[Randy Strausbaugh]

Oh well, must be blonde like a few others on this thread thingy.

Hi, I'm Dory.

No problem, I just got a secondary laugh out of it and for some reason felt the need to post.

 

[Disco]

What do you call a dead Blonde in the closet?

Last years hid and go-seek winner..........

 

[hardheadjarhead]

And what's the mating call of the blonde?




(or is it elsewhere on the thread?)

Regards,


Steve

 

[Taimishu]

What do you call a brunette inbetween 2 blondes?












A translator.

David

 

[D_Brady]

And what's the mating call of the blonde?

(sluring) I think I'm drunk

or

Is that brunette gone yet.

 

[Gary Crawford]

What is the mating call of a really ugly blonde?

 

[Gary Crawford]

She sreams in your ear "I SAID I'M DRUNK!!!!"

 

[mj-hi-yah]

Oh well, must be blonde like a few others on this thread thingy.

Hi, I'm Dory.

:rofl: Thanks Dory I'm in good company!:uhyeah:

 

[Cryozombie]

Did you guys hear about the Blonde Swimmer who won the gold medal in the Olympics the other day?

She was so excited about winning she is going to have her medal bronzed.

:ultracool

 

[Taimishu]

Blondes and computers don't mix.

David

 

[Gary Crawford]

Did you hear about the blond who had an abortion?....................She didn't think it was hers.

 

[MA-Caver]

Did you hear about the blonde that got accidently locked inside a furniture store overnight?? She slept on the floor.

How do you know a blonde been using your computer... white out all over the screen.

Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the Valve stem

What does a blonde say when you blow into her ear? Thanks for the refill.
What do you call when a blonde blows into the ear of another blonde? Data Transfer.

What do you call ten blondes standing ear to ear? A Wind Tunnel.

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears...so she wouldn't get hearing aids.

A blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.

How does a blonde kill a fish? She drowns it.

How does a blonde kill a worm? She burys it.

 

[Randy Strausbaugh]

A blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Now that's the best one yet!
IMHO, of course.

 

[KenpoTex]

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of
state capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead,
ask me, I know all of them!"

Her friend said, "O.K., what's the capital
of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! W."

 

[Rynocerous]

Q. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
A. Cause you have to hollow out it's head!
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A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
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A man was trimming his bushes. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see that it's empty, and goes back inside.
Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that it's still empty, and goes back in.
The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?"
The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a problem! My computer keeps on telling me 'I've got mail'!"

Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter".
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Once there was a blonde who was going to take flying lessons, so she went to the airport to rent a plane. The manager told her there were no planes left so she would have to use a helicopter. So the blonde got in the helicopter and took off. Every 10 miles she checked in with the manager; after the first 10 miles, she said it was a blast. When she reached 20 she told him that she had never seen so many buttons. But when she reached 30 miles she didn't check in so the manager went to rescue her. When he found her he asked her how she crashed. The blonde replied, "It was getting cold so I turned off the big fan."
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A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat." The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat." The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach.
The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move. He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."
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After leaving a store, a blonde walked out and went up to a soda machine. The blonde put in 50 cents and out popped a coke. She searched her bag for more money. She found some and kept feeding the machine money. Cokes and Sprite and Mountain Dew bottles began rolling down the street.
A young man walked up behind her and watched this for a few minutes. Then he asked, "Can I get one now?"
She whizzed around and yelled, "No way, can't you see I'm winning?"
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are standing in front of the Mirror of Truth. It sucks up and kills anyone who tells a lie in front of it. So the brunette says, "I'm the smartest person in the world." She gets sucked up and dies.The redhead says,"I've got the most curly hair," and she gets sucked up and dies also. The blonde says,"I think....." and she gets sucked up and dies.
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Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs, so she decides to go up and investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all have white knuckles.
The brunette asks, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
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Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run like hell - she's got a grenade in her mouth!
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A blonde was riding in the back of a pick-up truck when the truck went off the road and went into a pond. Some neighbors came out to see what happened and waited for the blonde to come out of the water. When she finally did, the neighbors asked her what took her so long. She replied, "I couldn't get the tail-gate unlocked."
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A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
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On a flight from New York to Paris, soon after take-off the pilot announces: "I'm sorry, but we have lost one of our engines. Subsequently, we will arive in Paris approximately half an hour late."
A few minutes later, he comes on again:
"Hate to disappoint you folks, but another engine is down. Don't panic - we've still got two going, but now we'll be about 2 hours late."
After another few minutes, he comes on again:
"Look, I am really sorry about this, but somehow we have lost our third engine. Still nothing serious to worry about, but we will be about five hours late to Paris."
After hearing this, the blonde turns to the guy sitting next to him and remarks,
"If we lose the other one, we'll be up here all night."
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Q. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
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Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

I hope you enjoyed these,

Cheers,

Ryan


Ryan