Black Belt
Apr 25, 2003
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Why does she think she is "complicated" when in fact she's just hormonal?

Why does she think I'm not listening to her when she wants to talk during the game?

Why doesn't she "get" the 3 Stooges?

Why doesn't she like monster trucks?

Why does she accuse me of being sloppy when her make-up crap is all over the counter?

Why does she need "fat" clothes?

Why does she mind if I wear her underwear?

Do I really have to buy tampons to prove my love for her?

WTF does potpurri do?

No, it's not the pants that make your butt look big.

Of course I leave the seat up...I love hearing her curse in the middle of the night.

Why does she start a different diet every week?

Why does she start crying when she's losing an agrument?...thats not fair.

Why do I have to stay up if she can't sleep?

Do I have to like every haircut she gets?

Is she trying to start a rain forest in our house?...what is the limit for the number of plants in the house?

How come she has 47 bottles of wash, conditioner, shampoo etc in the shower?

How come I have to go on the diet too?

Does she have to wave both of her hands whens she's talking and driving? *makes me nervous

How come when she says "nothing" actually means I'm up the creek....again.

Why doesn't she wear blue eyeshadow..I kinda like that.

Why does she ask a million questions while watching a movie...can't she just follow the plot?...It's called a mystery for some strange reason.

Is it really all about the shoes?

How come she thinks a salad is all we need for dinner?

How come she can get away with "I don't wanna talk about it now"..but I can't?

Why does she think I'm having a fling, when all I'm really doing is sneaking out for a burger?

Why do we need wind chimes?

Why is her family so dysfunctional?

Why does she like going to movies that make her cry?

Why does she only curse when she's drunk?..or falls in the toilet?

Why does it matter how the clothes are folded?

I know she likes gifts..but do I have to surprise her EVERY time?....can't I just give her a gift certicate once in a while?

Why is her butt always cold?...even in the summer?

sorry...just some random thoughts and questions I have.


MT Mentor
Apr 23, 2003
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Why? Females aren't meant to be understood by males.... :uhyeah: And our goal is to confuse the guys.

Gary Crawford

The truth is:They are really aliens.A man videotaped his wedding night and left the camera on, after he fell asleep,the video clearly showed his bride's head opened up and a long tenticle came out and attached to his head.We can only guess that the reprogramming starts there.That's why we start liking(sort of)things we couldn't consider before marrage,like shopping and other unspeakable acts.We also start feeling guilty about things we used to really enjoy,like socialising with the guys,ect.The reprogramming takes a long time to fully take effect.It's very subtle.Sometimes it doesn't work,hence:divorces.They are on a systematic tactical plan to take over and we have no defense.


<font color=blue><B>Grand UberSoke, Sith-jutsu Ryu
Jan 11, 2004
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When a man figures out how a woman thinks, the women of the world hold high-speed emergency meetings, scrambling the code.

This results in men again being clueless, and one poor sod sleeping on the couch for a week.

I also think theres something added to the beer, which is why I always get my own.

Now, if you'll excuse me...I have to kick the cat off the sofa.... again.


Sr. Grandmaster
MT Mentor
Aug 21, 2003
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Chattanooga, TN
Bester said:
When a man figures out how a woman thinks, the women of the world hold high-speed emergency meetings, scrambling the code.

To my understanding these particular unfortunates end up disappearing; never to be seen again. Me thinks that they're brain-washed and given a sex-change operation to be women so that it'll never be said that a man understands.

(shudder, shudder, shudder) :anic:


I stopped asking those questions a long time ago.

Soon as I realized that as long as I give my wife whatever she wants, I didn't have to ask those questions!! :uhyeah:



Blue Belt
Mar 18, 2004
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London Croydon
Why do they (women) marry us
Spend the next 20 years trying to change us
and then complain that we are not the man they married?

(I'm already in it so this can't hurt)



Trying to find my place
Jan 14, 2004
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(Had a witty comment, but keeps it to himself lest he be strung up by the women of MartialTalk...)

Oh, and Fistlaw: Try bud dry... :asian:


Blue Belt
Mar 18, 2004
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London Croydon

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

8. Dont use any punctuation marks

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera (or to the classical station on your radio).

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!"

19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. Dress up like a pilot, go to the airport lounge and get drunk like hell.​