Why I shouldn't be a blue belt

[skribs103]

Exhibit AQ

I cheated today. Over and over again. Someone today showed up to no-gi class with his gi, ended up training with gi pants and a t-shirt. Every time I felt gi material, I got a grip. Even though it's no-gi and I'm not supposed to. Every single time. Like 30x in one round.

I do feel vindicated, because every round I would hear his opponent say, "Man, it was hard not to grip your gi pants!" So it wasn't just me.

 

[drop bear105]

Exhibit AQ

I cheated today. Over and over again. Someone today showed up to no-gi class with his gi, ended up training with gi pants and a t-shirt. Every time I felt gi material, I got a grip. Even though it's no-gi and I'm not supposed to. Every single time. Like 30x in one round.

I do feel vindicated, because every round I would hear his opponent say, "Man, it was hard not to grip your gi pants!" So it wasn't just me.

I was just talking about being "that guy" at training the other day.

 

[Simfers104]

Instinct is hard to overcome, my dude. You know the old Mordor saying: Old Hobbits die hard.

 

[skribs103]

I was just talking about being "that guy" at training the other day.

Which guy? The guy wearing gi pants to no-gi class, or the guy cheating because of it?

 

[skribs103]

Instinct is hard to overcome, my dude. You know the old Mordor saying: Old Hobbits die hard.

Now I want to go and have AI do a video "What if Frodo was in Nakatomi Tower on Christmas Eve?"

 

[Simfers104]

That would make Hans Gruber Gollum, I guess!

 

[skribs103]

That would make Hans Gruber Gollum, I guess!

And Ellis Wormtongue.

 

[drop bear105]

Which guy? The guy wearing gi pants to no-gi class, or the guy cheating because of it?

"That guy" in quotation marks is a specific type of guy.

Do you ask to roll light and then neck crank people?

Do you heel hook white belts?

Do you maked gi grips in no gi class?

Then you are "That guy"

 

[skribs103]

Do you heel hook white belts?

Worse. I heel hook gray belts.

 

[drop bear105]

Worse. I heel hook gray belts.

I wrist lock them

 

[skribs103]

I wrist lock them

I used to wrist lock them. I still do, but I used to too.

 

[skribs103]

I was that guy again last night. We had someone come in to film a commercial for our gym. One of our white belts posts in the group chat that "If I get swept today, I'm going to sell it for the cameras."

I told him during warmups that I was tempted to reply and say "When you get swept today."

He said, "No, it's 'if'. My defenses are getting pretty good."

Last round of the night, I'm partnered with him. With a minute left in the round, I hit him with a nasty sweep. As I climb up into mount, I lean down and whisper in his ear, "When."

 

[Stuarto66]

I was that guy again last night. We had someone come in to film a commercial for our gym. One of our white belts posts in the group chat that "If I get swept today, I'm going to sell it for the cameras."

I told him during warmups that I was tempted to reply and say "When you get swept today."

He said, "No, it's 'if'. My defenses are getting pretty good."

Last round of the night, I'm partnered with him. With a minute left in the round, I hit him with a nasty sweep. As I climb up into mount, I lean down and whisper in his ear, "When."

Sweet victory

 

[skribs103]

The other day, a white belt accused me of sandbagging.

I asked, "What do you mean?"

He said, "I think you're tough when you're rolling with me. But I just watched you roll with another blue belt, and you have a whole other level to your game!"

I said, "No, that's not it. It's a different game. With white belts, I know as soon as you get into a halfway decent spot, you're just going to latch on and I'm gonna be stuck. So I'm playing a game where I'm trying not to get stuck. With blue belts, he's actually doing stuff. When he does stuff, he creates space for me to work, so I can be a lot more active. I have the opposite problem with the brown belts. They do stuff...but they don't leave any space when they do."

 

[skribs103]

Exhibit AR
Went to a tournament this weekend. I'm in mount, putting as much pressure as I can. One of the purple belts is yelling, "Ezekiel! Do the Ezekiel! Ezekiel! The Ezekiel is right there!"

I'm thinking, well, crap, now would be a good time to know how to do an Ezekiel I guess.

I did look it up on Youtube on Sunday and hit a few in class on Monday, so at least it wasn't a permanent problem.

It did remind me of a story of one of our white belts from our satellite school. Mid tournament, she's stuck in her opponent's half guard, she looks up at the coaches and shouts, "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PASS HALF GUARD!"

 

[skribs103]

Exhibit AS
Coaching the kids class. One kid asks, "How many more minutes are we doing this drill?"
"I don't know, I'm not in charge, I'm just here to coach."
"Oh, so you don't know anything..."

Exhibit AT
Rolling with one of the bigger kids in the kid's class. I'm having a pretty easy time of it. Then Professor says, "His guard is open, pass!" And all of a sudden it feels like the kid has 3 hands, my guard opens up and the kid easily passes.

Defense Counsel notes: this should be stricken from the record. The third hand was the Professor's.

 

[skribs103]

Exhibit AU
Yesterday I got an underhook with the wrong arm and got stuck in an arm triangle.

Before you ask, "How do you underhook with the wrong arm?" Please read the rest of the thread and understand the level of weaponized incompetence you're dealing with.

 

[Tony Dismukes103]

Exhibit AU
Yesterday I got an underhook with the wrong arm and got stuck in an arm triangle.

Before you ask, "How do you underhook with the wrong arm?" Please read the rest of the thread and understand the level of weaponized incompetence you're dealing with.

I'm having a hard time even visualizing this. What position were you in?

 

[skribs103]

I'm having a hard time even visualizing this. What position were you in?

Either bottom half or bottom side control.

The arm triangle was even worse, because it was caught in the scramble, so I was actually in a seated position with him standing over me.

I'm proud to have flummoxed someone with your experience.

 

[skribs103]

I don't think this one deserves an exhibit number, because it was a black belt messing with me. But yesterday I learned a new way to annoy people in BJJ (by having it done to me). Black belt gets me into leg entanglements, and instead of going for a foot lock, he starts pulling on my toes. He would grab above the knuckle and tug across the knuckle as if he was trying to pull my toe out of the socket.

However, I did get him back. I got out, got to top position, and he starts setting his open guard. I used this technique to get his feet off of me so I could pass.